Beach Sloth

LOL Thanks Texas I will never love again by Willis Plummer

                The power of Willis Plummer cannot be disputed. You think it is easy hosting ustreams of yourself eating. It isn’t. Look at previous attempts to have nothing but eating going on for the duration of the video. Lots of alt lit types do it. Nobody eats quite like Willis Plummer. Really, I’m in awe of his ability to consume nutrients. Later those unusable remnants of food are excreted into waste. Nobody excretes waste quite like Willis Plummer. He’s a real character.

                Willis doesn’t merely eat, he creates. And no, I’m not referring to his body’s ability to process waste. I’m referring to his first ever, itsy-bitsy chapbook ‘LOL Thanks Texas I will never love again’. What does this chapbook go over? Let’s just say it is the most important emotion ever: love. What is love? Babies don’t hurt me; don’t hurt me, no more. Can’t imagine babies hurting anybody, oh with their whole ‘I’m a defenseless tiny creature. I don’t know how to use a toilet.’ Yeah, they have that locked down.

                I wonder how Texas changed Willis’s mind about this important emotion. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and say ‘I’m ready to love’. Then I realize I’m online. My eyes well up with tears as I see all my online friends. I want to meet more of my wonderful online friends. At times I feel I’m so much better at being a benevolent online entity than I am at living IRL. In real life nobody feels your online relevance. That’s the problem. Online I can be really silly, sweet and funny. But with my real life I must tone down my relevance, becoming irrelevant in the land of the bros. Feel bros don’t even exist online because they don’t know how to use computers or basic electronic devices (Bluetooth and Blackberry excluded). 

                Living underwater isn’t too alt. Water covers about 70% of the Earth’s surface. Water sounds pretty mainstream to me. In fact, it is literally the definition of mainstream. Perhaps the rivers and lakes that you’re used to are a bit more alt. I don’t know. Everything I see is a beach. Rivers and lakes aren’t anywhere nearby. I only went to a watering hole once in my entire life. A sixty something old hippie bro asked ‘do you guys mind if I bathe nude in here’ to which everybody said ‘Uh, we kind of do’. 

                Felt sad at the end of Willis’s chapbook. Wonder what happens to that kid after she kisses the boy with a rock in his stomach. Now if the kid had butterflies in his stomach, that wouldn’t be such a big deal. A rock in the stomach won’t allow the kid to resurface. Love drowns you is the bleak as heck message. 

                Hope Willis finds a true, non-drowning kind of love. I know he lives somewhere in the New York tri-state area. Summer is the perfect season. I can’t wait to see Willis create more work. Until then I can always watch Willis eat a family size Stouffer’s vegetarian lasagna on ustream.