Beach Sloth

                Bunny ears welcome the viewers. Steve no longer has the Pikachu ears on deck. LCD Soundsystem plays in the background confirming this is a gathering of the alts. People around Steve ask him about the Peace Bridge. That’s the only way to come into Canada. Canada is known for peace and health care. What it isn’t known for: alt lit. America remains the chief exporter of boosting alt lit readers. I’ve been exported from America before to spread the power of boost and I’ll do it again.

                Arcade Fire plays in the background. It is Canada. Most of Canada’s economy is indie rock based. Without indie rock Canada’s economy would collapse. Thousands would be out of work. Somebody needs to play drums in eighty person bands. Remember how the band ‘Chicago’ reduced employment by eight thousand people? Imagine the amount of employment Arcade Fire creates. 

                Miles Forester begins it with an epic reading of high volumes. He wears a plaid shirt but not in an ironic way. Canadians wear plaid shirts because they are lumberjacks. For his second poem he begins to get quite loud. I like the loudness of it. He delivers it in clipped methods about ‘ass claps’. We are too goal orientated. It is time to edit goals out of our lives. In the future there are no goals, just lives. People applaud with an unusual amount of enthusiasm for such a mild-mannered city. Like his move towards a more and more confident tone of reading. 

                Jonsy Chewy presents. This is the introduction to the panda. I like how the puppet moves along with the poetry. He reads from his most recent chapbook. Does Jonsy have a torso? We only see his head, two arms, and a puppet. Alt lit puppet hybrids need to be a thing. Jonsy starts this but it is up to everybody else to follow up. ‘I’ is never mentioned. Part of Jonsy’s work is what he does not say. Poor Panda falls onto the top of the sofa out of exhaustion from too much movement. 

                Adam Kutz follows the puppet. He is Spiderman in his free time as he reaches for new things, using webbing to his advantage. 

                Alt lit follows, talking about the extra fill-ups before taking their place. That’s important. One needs the energy. Mike Boughn is his name. Controlled delivery keeps the entire room at rapt attention. Tenuous atmosphere, burning bright atmospheres, he describes the suburbs in vivid detail. Four hour erections sound horrible and wonderful. Is this the SnuSnu from the future sent to the past?

                Lucy K Shaw introduces Steve even though he hasn’t read yet. The audience goes as wild as a Canadian audience can go. Golf claps are just one of Canada’s polite exports to the world. She wants to drink a Coke Zero with you. Let her. If she’s buying you just got a free Coke with no calories or whatever it is Coke Zero lacks. 

                Steve Roggenbuck brings the noise. Hear it. Put down the volume. It will overwhelm your ears. Megabus messes with Steve’s stash. Wonder what customs thinks about the Justin Bieber CD? Horses eat the same thing as Steve Roggenbuck. Is Steve Roggenbuck the horse of alt lit? Thanks to his ears he’s getting closer to the horse life. ‘All I do is post on the internet and sleep’ is the newest Roggenbuck poem. New Yorkers heard this before. Everything is rare. You experience everything only once. Work, school, sleep etc. are just moments, they repeat but they are never the same thing. The poem calls people ‘fuck faces’. 4 and 5 am is the size of Steve’s internet presence. Steve’s sleep patterns are endangered. At some point he will no longer sleep and become one with the internet. From here he goes into Buddhism. It becomes similar to David Foster Wallace’s ‘This is water’. Here’s where Steve gets real.  Unfortunately it is too real and Spreecast cuts out.

                Spreecast could not handle the power of Canadian alt lit. Hope next time the technology is prepared for such an undertaking. Until then we have IRL and we all know how unreliable IRL is.