The Emails Peterbd sent me in October by Peterbd
Ben Beutel-Gunn is beloved. Smiles like his go on for miles. In the very first email written by Peterbd he expresses nothing but joy for Ben’s general sensibilities. Around this roundtable famous figures discuss their true feelings for Ben. Peterbd found this out through his constant ‘anonymous’ presence both IRL and on the internet. Without telling anybody Peterbd ends up everywhere. Many consider Peterbd to be the best at being anonymous. Other anonymous presences fail in comparison to Peterbd.
‘Meet Ben’ goes over Ben’s temperament. Few realize this but Ben is a sweetheart. This serves him well in modern life. However back in the time of rampant cannibalism people kept on trying to eat his heart, to gain his kindness. Of course they figured ‘Well if I just eat this guy’s heart I’ll be a nice guy. After this no more cannibalism for me, I’m quitting cold person.’ Essentially whatever one does to Ben he’ll do it back but harder. That’s the sort of guy Ben is. Those who mess with Ben, they are doomed. A world of pain awaits those who fuck with the Ben Beutel-Gunn.
Famous Bens can’t beat the original Ben. Ben Franklin is a pile of skanky skank on the kitchen floor. Ben Affleck is even worse having accomplished nothing in his short-ass stupid life. Obviously Ben Stiller has nothing on Ben Beutel-Gunn. Nobody has ever seen Ben Stiller wear a ‘Beach Sloth’ T-shirt. Millions (or at least thousands) have seen Ben Beutel-Gunn wear the T-shirt on many, many occasions to see people play ‘baseball’. Heck Mr. Beutel-Gunn has an ice cream half-dedicated to him.
Peterbd discusses Ben’s life. Apparently Ben used to be an average bro. The ordinary can become extraordinary. A meteor makes Ben better than he has ever been before. People adore him. He dates J-Lo for a brief period of time. His brother Sam is jealous. Thanks to Ben’s wonderful superhuman strength he is able to defeat his evil brother and take out the trash. The trash is his brother. His brother is an ass.
A song is dedicated to the lovely film star. He’s appeared in multiple films in under a month’s time. This is how Ben rolls. What brings home Ben’s good spirits is how he helps his friend Peterbd out. If people beat up Peterbd and steal his lunch money Ben gets it back. When families go missing Ben lets them chill out at his house. If somebody loses a leg-full of legs, Ben builds them legs. Finally if somebody is feeling blue Ben gives them a hug. That’s the kind of guy Ben is: charming. And that’s the kind of guy Peterbd is: supportive. Put them together and it is the duo of the ages.