Final Fantasy III by Tao Lin

                What are parents even? They tend to be the shepherds guiding their flock. Advice from parents gets progressively stranger with the passage of time. Children know to look up to their parents. Older children, near-adults, try to talk to their parents. Such conversations are strange due to the numbers of years spent independent. It is troublesome to constantly expect parents to provide the guidance into adulthood because honestly adulthood has a lot less rules. Happy adults are those who understand that they will never know everything and have accepted that fact. 

                Parents visit their children because that is what parents do. Whatever happens during the visit is a repeat of the childhood to some degree. Hence when those grandchildren come about the grandparents know exactly what to do. They have experience in raising children and hope their own children will have the same level of consideration. Infants barely even remember this level of interaction. Rather they are able to simply live exactly in the moment without recollection of anything at all. A life without regrets is how an infant is able to live its life. Free to do whatever without any consequences the infants of the world simply stumble barely able to keep their balance. 

                The arrival of parents means a number of free dinners. Parents want to make sure their children are eating properly. During any dinner parents try to help out their children with whatever difficulty they may be encountering with a degree of help and a degree of confusion. In the digital world parents tend to be a bit slower because of limited experience. Advice given by parents comes with the caveat that it will not be on the Internet it is knowledge from experience. Worldly parents are the kinds of parents to stand behind and to ask about other cultures. 

                Yet every culture is different. From the outside there are general statements and proclamations to make. Inside of a culture people try to hide. Every part of the world has a culture, even Florida. Poor Florida has everything go wrong for it; a tropical climate filled with insane-type people, Florida is America’s punchline. Life in Florida is a weird one for it continues without any discernible beginning or end. Thrown into the mix Florida tries its best to be normal and usually fails. Outside of Florida is where humanity thrives away from the Happiest Place on Earth and Retirement communities. Adults love Florida after their children have children; they know that they have done something properly. They keep on moving forward as they watch their children enter their thirties, unaware of what happens next. The thirties are the Bermuda Triangle of life.

Pop Serial 5: A Cover


                A lot of people might say not to judge a book by its cover. Of course they never saw PDFs. Unfortunately unlike a vast majority of books PDF covers tend to fall under the ‘here’s some text, enjoy’ variety. Stephen Tully Dierks goes beyond that preconception to conceive true beauty for his fifth collection dedicated to that lovable 80s robot, Johnny 5. Yes millions remember the antics of that crazed robot living in 1980s New York City. Thankfully there is a Wisconsin born and bred native who wants to see Johnny 5 celebrated in a way befitting his sense of style. 

                Plenty of people come together every year to make Pop Serial a thing. Literally tens of writers put together their goods upon solicitation from the ever-affable Stephen Tully Dierks. Few realize that STD stands for more than ‘Sexually Transmitted Disease’. Beach Sloth knows STD as Stephen Tully Dierks as Stephen Tully Dierks infected Beach Sloth’s heart, with love. Every few days Beach Sloth needs to take antibiotics because STD truly lives inside the heart of the sloth. Beach Sloth spends an entire week reviewing the joyous Pop Serial event once a year. 

                When Pop Serial comes out Beach Sloth brings the blogging skills necessary to accurately capture what dwells between those digital pages. New writers appear in Pop Serial with stunning regularity. A few stalwarts stand by waiting to contribute a piece to what has become an affair to remember. Throughout STD’s illuminated life he has managed to keep Pop Serial going strong all day long. Every gosh-darn day Stephen Tully Dierks presses ‘re-blog’ and suddenly his blog has hundreds of pages of re-blogs. Yes few have the tenacity to do what Stephen Tully Dierks does, going around the country, moving from Madison, WI, to Chicago, IL, to his current home of New York, NY. 

                Is the future sweet for Stephen Tully Dierks? The future seems tweet for Stephen Tully Dierks and his merry band of Pop Serial staff. Work for this year’s Pop Serial includes help from such hard-ass hitting players like Tao Lin (of Tao Lin fame), Cameron Pierce (of Cameron Pierce fame) and Blaise Larmee (of hardcore motherfucking fame). Yes Pop Serial 5 is going to be the kind of event that requires a reader to sit down, because they are going to need to stand up later. Pop Serial 5 is going to bring literally millions of Americans together to gather together around a laptop’s greeting glow. Get ready. Pop Serial 5 is happening.

Pop Serial 5: A Cover

                A lot of people might say not to judge a book by its cover. Of course they never saw PDFs. Unfortunately unlike a vast majority of books PDF covers tend to fall under the ‘here’s some text, enjoy’ variety. Stephen Tully Dierks goes beyond that preconception to conceive true beauty for his fifth collection dedicated to that lovable 80s robot, Johnny 5. Yes millions remember the antics of that crazed robot living in 1980s New York City. Thankfully there is a Wisconsin born and bred native who wants to see Johnny 5 celebrated in a way befitting his sense of style. 

                Plenty of people come together every year to make Pop Serial a thing. Literally tens of writers put together their goods upon solicitation from the ever-affable Stephen Tully Dierks. Few realize that STD stands for more than ‘Sexually Transmitted Disease’. Beach Sloth knows STD as Stephen Tully Dierks as Stephen Tully Dierks infected Beach Sloth’s heart, with love. Every few days Beach Sloth needs to take antibiotics because STD truly lives inside the heart of the sloth. Beach Sloth spends an entire week reviewing the joyous Pop Serial event once a year. 

                When Pop Serial comes out Beach Sloth brings the blogging skills necessary to accurately capture what dwells between those digital pages. New writers appear in Pop Serial with stunning regularity. A few stalwarts stand by waiting to contribute a piece to what has become an affair to remember. Throughout STD’s illuminated life he has managed to keep Pop Serial going strong all day long. Every gosh-darn day Stephen Tully Dierks presses ‘re-blog’ and suddenly his blog has hundreds of pages of re-blogs. Yes few have the tenacity to do what Stephen Tully Dierks does, going around the country, moving from Madison, WI, to Chicago, IL, to his current home of New York, NY. 

                Is the future sweet for Stephen Tully Dierks? The future seems tweet for Stephen Tully Dierks and his merry band of Pop Serial staff. Work for this year’s Pop Serial includes help from such hard-ass hitting players like Tao Lin (of Tao Lin fame), Cameron Pierce (of Cameron Pierce fame) and Blaise Larmee (of hardcore motherfucking fame). Yes Pop Serial 5 is going to be the kind of event that requires a reader to sit down, because they are going to need to stand up later. Pop Serial 5 is going to bring literally millions of Americans together to gather together around a laptop’s greeting glow. Get ready. Pop Serial 5 is happening.

SELECTIONS FROM BRIAN MORTON’S TWITTER BRIAN MORTON, EDITED BY TAO LIN

                Brian Morton is a dad on the Internet. This is meant as the sincerest form of praise. Plenty of individuals live life on the Internet pretending to be dads. At this point being a dad on the Internet is a bit of a MEME. For dads the Internet is a thing their children use. Long ago dads might have been into computers getting everything programmed up but now that a computer is a form of communication, forget it. Good thing dads still have TV and recliners in their ‘man caves’ where they can retreat away from the rest of the world. Writing dads call ‘man caves’ their ‘studies’ in an attempt to disguise the generally useless activity that goes on in such a place. 

                With Twitter Brian Morton has found his perfect craft. Every tweet is focused on his inner dad. This is hard work especially to do online with sincerity. His children provide plenty of tweet-able quotes. Parents have children for a variety of reasons. At first children are adorable being cute not really contributing much of anything. Next with early childhood they become nearly philosophical with their musings about the world unfiltered from any particular basis. Later the children become entertaining providing a conversation partner. Bringing in the teens is troublesome due to the extreme irrational behavior they display. Finally when children become adults they leave to start new families or do whatever it is adults actually do with their lives. Reaching adulthood takes a lifetime. 

                Children psyche out their parents. Many child-held beliefs are insincere. Few children actually believe in Santa Claus. Rather the children humor their parents pretending that their parental overlords have that amount of power and influence behind them. When children fight the only thing that brings them back together is an even more pronounced dislike of those who brought them into the world. Anyone who tries to live-tweet their children fighting is in for a world of hurt. On the plus side the children will stop fighting each other giving the parents a peace of sorts. 

                A child eventually becomes an adult. Surprisingly children have incredibly good memories. Whatever is said to a child comes back to stay synced up in their mind for the rest of their days, even nights depending on how long they stay up for. Hipsters begin in childhood. Little fragments try to come together to build something very truly grand. There is a time and place for becoming a hipster. Enough effort on the part of a hipster makes them into aging hipsters into something entirely different. Inane thoughts of an aging hipster include what was cool and what is cool. Unfortunately due to age few aged hipsters are ever acknowledged for their hipness. On the plus side many aged hipsters have financial security and a roof over their heads, something few regular hipsters could even dream of. 

                Eventually Enlightenment happens. It takes a while. Younger individuals never understand what Enlightenment means. With years of living the purpose of Enlightenment becomes clear. Due to age restrictions Enlightenment can never be shared on the Internet for it is different for everyone.

do you believe in lief after loev by Caden Lovelace

                Caden Lovelace drowns the reader in his streams of consciousness. Single-handedly Caden Lovelace has created a living breathing novel to replace the heavily edited deadened things that pass themselves off as meaningful. Incredibly playful and downright absurd at times ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ marks the beginning of a new literary genre. Much like the anti-folk crowd rebelled against the stuffiness of folk music Caden Lovelace takes on the concept of the novel and transforms it into something far more relatable. 

                Pop culture flows through the veins of the collection. The title comes from a Cher song deliberately misspelled. Among the copy and pasted aspects there is a deeper narrative. Caden Lovelace accurately captures what it means to be alive on the internet. What this entails is nearly impossible to capture usually. By removing any sense of narrative (indeed the book rebels against it) Caden Lovelace explores life with the internet as an important looming structure. Only the internet could allow someone to quickly veer from exploratory posts about sexuality to Wikipedia blurbs about elephants without batting an eyelash. 

                Deep hidden within these thousands of words is the soul of the internet. The internet gets unfairly accused of countless tangents of constantly losing focus. Books written about the internet lifestyle tend to edit out the sense of informational anarchy that makes the internet so compelling. Caden Lovelace includes it allowing for a better ability to explore his own mind and how he thinks about others. Little snippets of it at first appear completely purposeless, even sarcastic. Right in the beginning there are several blurbs about Tao Lin’s book ‘Taipei’ copy and pasted without any context. At first it seems downright pointless. Upon closer inspection after reading the collection it makes sense. While ‘Taipei’ certainly revolved around internet usage ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ is the internet. 

                 A sense of humor is a must for the collection. Reading an entire product description may not be anyone’s expectation of what ought to be included in a novel. More than name-dropping it outright explains the detail-to-detail features of a product. The downright humor comes from what these products are used for and no character in the novel (and yes there are characters of a sort) ever uses them. 

                It is a bit surprising that nobody bothered to free the restrictions of the novel. ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ celebrates the freedom given to the written word without concern of grammar, spelling, or coherency. ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ is the written word born to run.

do you believe in lief after loev by Caden Lovelace

                Caden Lovelace drowns the reader in his streams of consciousness. Single-handedly Caden Lovelace has created a living breathing novel to replace the heavily edited deadened things that pass themselves off as meaningful. Incredibly playful and downright absurd at times ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ marks the beginning of a new literary genre. Much like the anti-folk crowd rebelled against the stuffiness of folk music Caden Lovelace takes on the concept of the novel and transforms it into something far more relatable. 

                Pop culture flows through the veins of the collection. The title comes from a Cher song deliberately misspelled. Among the copy and pasted aspects there is a deeper narrative. Caden Lovelace accurately captures what it means to be alive on the internet. What this entails is nearly impossible to capture usually. By removing any sense of narrative (indeed the book rebels against it) Caden Lovelace explores life with the internet as an important looming structure. Only the internet could allow someone to quickly veer from exploratory posts about sexuality to Wikipedia blurbs about elephants without batting an eyelash. 

                Deep hidden within these thousands of words is the soul of the internet. The internet gets unfairly accused of countless tangents of constantly losing focus. Books written about the internet lifestyle tend to edit out the sense of informational anarchy that makes the internet so compelling. Caden Lovelace includes it allowing for a better ability to explore his own mind and how he thinks about others. Little snippets of it at first appear completely purposeless, even sarcastic. Right in the beginning there are several blurbs about Tao Lin’s book ‘Taipei’ copy and pasted without any context. At first it seems downright pointless. Upon closer inspection after reading the collection it makes sense. While ‘Taipei’ certainly revolved around internet usage ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ is the internet. 

                 A sense of humor is a must for the collection. Reading an entire product description may not be anyone’s expectation of what ought to be included in a novel. More than name-dropping it outright explains the detail-to-detail features of a product. The downright humor comes from what these products are used for and no character in the novel (and yes there are characters of a sort) ever uses them. 

                It is a bit surprising that nobody bothered to free the restrictions of the novel. ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ celebrates the freedom given to the written word without concern of grammar, spelling, or coherency. ‘do you believe in lief after loev’ is the written word born to run.

Is Alt Lit an invisible genre?

                Alt Lit is Casper the friendly ghost of literature. Kind, supportive, surrounded by a bunch of larger, oftentimes bully-like older ghost brothers Alt Lit has it rough. Life is difficult for Alt Lit. What makes it so difficult for those on the inside of the normal or money-producing literary scene is how fucking dang Alt Alt Lit is. Compared to other literary scenes Alt Lit is the absolute altest. Explaining how Alt Lit is different can be somewhat difficult. Thanks to the help of a particularly lovely ‘numbering scheme’ perhaps some of these Alt Lit problems can be clarified:

1.       Alt Lit gives no fucks: this is true. Usually literature consists of a couple stuffy bros exploring philosophy using big old fancy words or some elegant grand scheme. With Alt Lit there is a greater focus on the most minimal usage of words for maximal impact. Everything is fair game. This includes GCHATS, text messages, Macros, Tweets, etc. For whatever reason the rest of literature decided that conversations over the phone are fair game for dialogue but for whatever reason text messaging, something done all the time, isn’t. Or even the whole ‘surfing the net’ that the young ones engage in is left out. Little reference is made to all the places that people tend to consume culture. Nobody goes to museums anymore. New art is rarely found in museums. Art is online. Art is free. Which is part of Alt Lit’s other problem.

2.       Alt Lit is free: this is very true. There hasn’t been much of a sustainable business plan for Alt Lit. Indeed this is for something entirely different. People in Alt Lit tend to write for extremely personal reasons. Getting recognition for it and merging it with other forms makes it even more difficult for it to have a sustainable business model. Putting videos into a book is downright impossible. Sometimes they write for profit. With few profit centers even for those interested in turning a profit, the next best option is to at the very least ‘break even. More focus has been placed on trying to bring attention to the wonderful things going on and being given away for free after great amounts of work have been put in. Hopefully at some point in the future there will be a way to bring this into the future. 

Of course these problems can be easily solved. Dan Holloway discusses how Tao Lin’s ‘Taipei’ could be a game-changing. Indeed Dan uses the violent language of a stealth fighter plane emerging from the clouds to wreak havoc upon the hopeless outdated villages below filled with foolish fools clinging to books and religion. Alt Lit in general is a non-violent sort of movement. If anyone from Alt Lit were to simply emerge out of the sky and start bombing things it would be that young dashing rapscallion Andrea Coates. Perhaps Alt Lit will continue to grow up to a point where it can no longer be ignored. Will Alt Lit be forever confined to the internet or can it grow beyond being a mere phenomenon like ‘Weird Twitter’ or ‘Vapor Wave’. Only time will time. Even if Alt Lit never becomes popular never becomes critically successful it shall linger on, like a ghost, forever cached on the internet, for discovery.

raccoonsarenotafraidofpeople

raccoonsarenotafraidofpeople:

Raccoon Remix.  2012.

                Raccoons make amazing remixes. Few would guess a raccoon would be behind the greatest video remix of culture. Culture is all around up in this massively distorted video/audio project. At times completely incomprehensible it is a pulsing being of pure energy. More than a video the Raccoon Remix is the world viewer through the less of those smart enough to pull back and escape. Watching this video requires complete and full attention. Despite the amorphous nature of the video a few common themes appear again and again.

                Zachary German appears many times in this video. This is due to his blockbuster hit ‘Shitty Youth’ which came out fairly recently. Sure other alt lit writers appear: Tao Lin, Steve Roggenbuck, Megan Boyle and Jordan Castro make guest appearances. For some reason Zachary’s face interests the raccoon the most. Zachary’s face bleeds into and out of its surroundings. Does Zachary German’s face represent the end times? When the world ends will the final words be Zachary German’s infamous phrase of ‘Kill cops. Why not? Look at them. They’re horrible. I don’t know.’

                Law enforcement is shown more frequently however. Putting the bad guys away is what law enforcement does. Every time somebody is smoking up (and there’s a lot of footage of that in the video) law enforcement arrives to save the day. Whatever raccoon created this remix is clearly a fan of America’s hard working police force. Dangerous drug fiends litter the streets of America. It is up to America’s law enforcement to pick up the trash. Besides this there is real Manson footage, various evil doers and other assorted pieces of trash. 

                Speaking of trash politicians take up a large chunk of the footage. This includes the recent footage from the 2012 election along with earlier politicians. Bill Clinton makes his way into the infinitely growing jam. George W. Bush, America’s beloved former leader, makes a rare post-presidential appearance. Even older presidents wedge their way into this mega-mix. In fact there is a surprisingly calm moment where a speaker discusses how to be an intellectual. It is simple: just realize everything is hopeless. People laughed at him. But he was probably right or hopelessly pessimistic. 

                By the end of the video the graphics change dramatically. From the macro level of world events, drug busts, and bursts of violence is the micro world of cell biology. Here the cells take over. There is no stopping it. The end of the world will be full of evil micro biology perpetuated by raccoon remixes. Consider this remix a basic sample of what’s to come.

Muumuu House - Meta Knight



                One Postitbreakup, a fine internet lad, bequeathed to me the title of ‘Alt Lit’s Guardian Angel’. I promise to uphold the key principles of alt lit in my new position. He sent me a Tweet about the recent ‘Meta Knight/Muumuu House/Alt Lit Gossip controversy’. To reply with a 140 character explanation seems outright foolish. No tweet sized text can accurately capture the thrill and drama alongside this highly complicated course of events. Every key outlet of alt lit was involved: Meta Knight, Muumuu House, Tao Lin, crown prince of alt lit and ultimately the New York Times of alt lit, alt lit gossip.

                Meta Knight is an up and coming player in the alt lit scene. Recently he tweeted that Muumuu House was publishing his short story collection ‘School’. This created a veritable discussion thread the likes of which have never been seen on the ‘Alt Lit Gossip’ group page. Many congratulated Meta Knight for this accomplishment he did not accomplish. It was a lie. An inside joke that Meta Knight took to the outside via ‘Twitter’.

                Seeing the potentially ‘huge’ amount of clout surrounding the news, Meta Knight emailed Tao Lin about this development. Tao politely declines the invitation to publish said short story collection ‘School’. Meta Knight is informed his chances of being published in Muumuu House are less than 0%, indicating a negative level of interest in publishing. Meta Knight, true to his word of shaking things up, promises to email Tao Lin in 2014, after which Tao Lin will be enormously rich and successful probably. 

                People express dissatisfaction at this level of ‘fooling around’. Muumuu House is a serious endeavor. It serves as a way for Tao Lin to publish works that interest him. The way it works is Tao publishes things from people he likes and feels he doesn’t owe anything to. Pressure is a bad thing for a publishing house to run under. Unfortunately many do just that, soliciting submissions and ‘smacking down’ the respondents. Rejections are a natural part of any zine/publishing house/etc. For this very reason I can promise one thing: Beach Sloth will NEVER create an independent zine, lit journal, etc. Having to make that sort of judgment call would break my little heart. I want to support everybody. Rejection is something I just don’t do. So these ‘solicitations’ that Muumuu House, Pop Serial, and others engage in show a way of avoiding this level of disappointment by selecting a specific few. 

                Of course Alt Lit Gossip was discouraged by this ruse. Meta Knight published a piece on Alt Lit Gossip that was promptly removed. The piece stated that Meta Knight’s piece was definitely not going to be published. Alt Lit Gossip understandably might have been somewhat upset for having fallen victim to this literary hoax. However it is hoped by me and others that the rift between Meta Knight and Alt Lit Gossip will be repaired, bridged, and hugged (for good measure).

                How does this effect anything going on in alt lit? It shows to some degree how news can ‘go viral’ when a particularly large name (Muumuu House) is thrown in with a smaller, lesser known writer. Overall it shows the extreme level of what a tight-knit community looks like. Judging by Tao Lin’s response, Meta Knight’s behavior, and Alt Lit’s forgiveness, all appears to be well within the alt lit community. And this is a good thing. Perhaps this model can be used for future promotional material. Only time will tell.

Muumuu House - Meta Knight

                One Postitbreakup, a fine internet lad, bequeathed to me the title of ‘Alt Lit’s Guardian Angel’. I promise to uphold the key principles of alt lit in my new position. He sent me a Tweet about the recent ‘Meta Knight/Muumuu House/Alt Lit Gossip controversy’. To reply with a 140 character explanation seems outright foolish. No tweet sized text can accurately capture the thrill and drama alongside this highly complicated course of events. Every key outlet of alt lit was involved: Meta Knight, Muumuu House, Tao Lin, crown prince of alt lit and ultimately the New York Times of alt lit, alt lit gossip.

                Meta Knight is an up and coming player in the alt lit scene. Recently he tweeted that Muumuu House was publishing his short story collection ‘School’. This created a veritable discussion thread the likes of which have never been seen on the ‘Alt Lit Gossip’ group page. Many congratulated Meta Knight for this accomplishment he did not accomplish. It was a lie. An inside joke that Meta Knight took to the outside via ‘Twitter’.

                Seeing the potentially ‘huge’ amount of clout surrounding the news, Meta Knight emailed Tao Lin about this development. Tao politely declines the invitation to publish said short story collection ‘School’. Meta Knight is informed his chances of being published in Muumuu House are less than 0%, indicating a negative level of interest in publishing. Meta Knight, true to his word of shaking things up, promises to email Tao Lin in 2014, after which Tao Lin will be enormously rich and successful probably. 

                People express dissatisfaction at this level of ‘fooling around’. Muumuu House is a serious endeavor. It serves as a way for Tao Lin to publish works that interest him. The way it works is Tao publishes things from people he likes and feels he doesn’t owe anything to. Pressure is a bad thing for a publishing house to run under. Unfortunately many do just that, soliciting submissions and ‘smacking down’ the respondents. Rejections are a natural part of any zine/publishing house/etc. For this very reason I can promise one thing: Beach Sloth will NEVER create an independent zine, lit journal, etc. Having to make that sort of judgment call would break my little heart. I want to support everybody. Rejection is something I just don’t do. So these ‘solicitations’ that Muumuu House, Pop Serial, and others engage in show a way of avoiding this level of disappointment by selecting a specific few. 

                Of course Alt Lit Gossip was discouraged by this ruse. Meta Knight published a piece on Alt Lit Gossip that was promptly removed. The piece stated that Meta Knight’s piece was definitely not going to be published. Alt Lit Gossip understandably might have been somewhat upset for having fallen victim to this literary hoax. However it is hoped by me and others that the rift between Meta Knight and Alt Lit Gossip will be repaired, bridged, and hugged (for good measure).

                How does this effect anything going on in alt lit? It shows to some degree how news can ‘go viral’ when a particularly large name (Muumuu House) is thrown in with a smaller, lesser known writer. Overall it shows the extreme level of what a tight-knit community looks like. Judging by Tao Lin’s response, Meta Knight’s behavior, and Alt Lit’s forgiveness, all appears to be well within the alt lit community. And this is a good thing. Perhaps this model can be used for future promotional material. Only time will tell.

Zac Zellers is the Where’s Waldo of Ann Arbor by Elizabeth Ellen



                Zac Zellers is an online enigma. Offline he is a legend. People claim nobody is as big of a Tao Lin fan as Zac Zellers. Few ever get to meet this thick-framed possibly fictitious fan boy. Or is Zac Zellers something more of a fan boy. After Elizabeth Ellen’s piece the case could be made that he is forever immortalized both on and offline. This is assuming people print out Muumuu House stories, something which is definitely possible. His twitter presence still exists. His Facebook profile still exists. The few who have met him (Marie Calloway and Elizabeth Ellen) have yet to understand what makes this Waldo weird. 

                Elizabeth Ellen met Zac Zellers in 2010. Hipsters were dying off back then. No great bands came about in 2010. For the most part it was a blank slate of a year. A few bands died off in 2010. Elizabeth had her first in real life sighting of Zac back in that troubled year. He stood in the crowd at a reading. She didn’t approach him but recognized him from afar. Right in the beginning she felt stupid being so anxious about Zac. The dude was only 19 at the time. Even now, at this precise moment, Zac cannot legally purchase or consume alcohol in his home state of Michigan. Within the story she claims she felt foolish feeling so much anxiety about this Zac fellow. Heck she even had a daughter. Yet there remained something peculiar about this character. 

                Tao Lin and Elizabeth met briefly, hence Zac’s appearance. Unfortunately Mike Young and Elizabeth were not invited to see the movie where Joaquin Phoenix tried to become a rapper. Zac went. Zac worked at the movie theater. At that place she saw him all the time selling candy with care, like some crazed animal earning minimum wage as idiots watched mind-numbing movies to help them forget the drudgery of their meaningless lives. Movies suck. 

                Elizabeth felt unsure about the internet life. She was unable to determine whether or not Zac and Marie Calloway met. Many still wonder if Marie Calloway exists in real life so Elizabeth is not alone. Those who have met Marie Calloway appear to have a similar feeling about ‘enigmatic online presence’ that Elizabeth has about Zac Zellers. She de-activates Facebook, a wise decision. Yet she claims to have not seen Zac online since then. This is odd as Zac maintains a relatively ‘open’ online presence complete with an acceptable twitter ratio and Facebook friends. 

                This is a story about what happens when online stalking happens too much. Normally those obsessed about do not care about the others people’s obsessions. It is a strange thing. Zac remains a mystery hiding in plain sight in Michigan just like Waldo.

Zac Zellers is the Where’s Waldo of Ann Arbor by Elizabeth Ellen

                Zac Zellers is an online enigma. Offline he is a legend. People claim nobody is as big of a Tao Lin fan as Zac Zellers. Few ever get to meet this thick-framed possibly fictitious fan boy. Or is Zac Zellers something more of a fan boy. After Elizabeth Ellen’s piece the case could be made that he is forever immortalized both on and offline. This is assuming people print out Muumuu House stories, something which is definitely possible. His twitter presence still exists. His Facebook profile still exists. The few who have met him (Marie Calloway and Elizabeth Ellen) have yet to understand what makes this Waldo weird. 

                Elizabeth Ellen met Zac Zellers in 2010. Hipsters were dying off back then. No great bands came about in 2010. For the most part it was a blank slate of a year. A few bands died off in 2010. Elizabeth had her first in real life sighting of Zac back in that troubled year. He stood in the crowd at a reading. She didn’t approach him but recognized him from afar. Right in the beginning she felt stupid being so anxious about Zac. The dude was only 19 at the time. Even now, at this precise moment, Zac cannot legally purchase or consume alcohol in his home state of Michigan. Within the story she claims she felt foolish feeling so much anxiety about this Zac fellow. Heck she even had a daughter. Yet there remained something peculiar about this character. 

                Tao Lin and Elizabeth met briefly, hence Zac’s appearance. Unfortunately Mike Young and Elizabeth were not invited to see the movie where Joaquin Phoenix tried to become a rapper. Zac went. Zac worked at the movie theater. At that place she saw him all the time selling candy with care, like some crazed animal earning minimum wage as idiots watched mind-numbing movies to help them forget the drudgery of their meaningless lives. Movies suck. 

                Elizabeth felt unsure about the internet life. She was unable to determine whether or not Zac and Marie Calloway met. Many still wonder if Marie Calloway exists in real life so Elizabeth is not alone. Those who have met Marie Calloway appear to have a similar feeling about ‘enigmatic online presence’ that Elizabeth has about Zac Zellers. She de-activates Facebook, a wise decision. Yet she claims to have not seen Zac online since then. This is odd as Zac maintains a relatively ‘open’ online presence complete with an acceptable twitter ratio and Facebook friends. 

                This is a story about what happens when online stalking happens too much. Normally those obsessed about do not care about the others people’s obsessions. It is a strange thing. Zac remains a mystery hiding in plain sight in Michigan just like Waldo.

liefplus
Beach Sloth: The Rock Life



                Graffiti is an art. Few can produce graffiti of absolute beauty. Many are content to simply squiggle some lines and say ‘done’. Out of the billions of graffiti artists, a select few manage to do it properly. Subject matter is important too. A vision of a beautiful thing is necessary to accurately depict it in the real, from the dream. Usually a graffiti artist thinks ‘Oh cool, it is 4 am and I’m all messed up. Let me draw something incoherently and disrespect this lovely vinyl siding.’ Remember ‘Dick Chicken’? 

                Alt lit embraces graffiti. Several members of alt lit have gone to jail for their beliefs in the art form. Jail is a transformational experience for alt lit. One day they’re in jail, the next they have a story to tell the world. Depending on the energy of the artist this experience can be parlayed into a full-on novella. See Tao Lin’s work for further experience. Tao Lin sucks at shoplifting. However his portrayal of jail life is far better than any attempt to steal a shirt. 

                Tao Lin is also famous for his ‘hamster’ graffito. Anyone in Brooklyn can see it. Many have their picture taken next to it. Witnessing it firsthand is like seeing a Banksy. The only difference is everybody is completely and fully aware Tao Lin did that shit, back in the day when he was young and hungry. How many have tagged the sides of rocks with Tao Lin’s twitter handle? Answer: eight people.

                Well I am an eighth of the way there. For I see something beautiful. A relevant rock erodes in Sarah Lawrence. Take a look at it. Majestically the rock sits there, meditating. Yes it hides the smile quite well. On its bare backside it has my twitter handle. Someone put it there to last forever. Will there ever be a Mt. Rushmore of twitter handles? Only time will tell. 

                I need to change my policy about profile pictures. This is my new profile picture. Should I encourage graffito on the sides of rocks of people? I have no idea where this may lead. Regarding the last bit, of a tattoo of Beach Sloth, I’d recommend paypaling me money instead. Here I thought my main contribution to IRL was sending out chapbooks. How wrong. All I needed to do was embrace a rock. Hope to see more rock-based Beach Sloth art. Wish I could do it but I’m just a sloth. Tag pictures of your ‘@beach_sloth’ rock tags on Facebook. Give me new Facebook profile pictures.

Beach Sloth: The Rock Life

                Graffiti is an art. Few can produce graffiti of absolute beauty. Many are content to simply squiggle some lines and say ‘done’. Out of the billions of graffiti artists, a select few manage to do it properly. Subject matter is important too. A vision of a beautiful thing is necessary to accurately depict it in the real, from the dream. Usually a graffiti artist thinks ‘Oh cool, it is 4 am and I’m all messed up. Let me draw something incoherently and disrespect this lovely vinyl siding.’ Remember ‘Dick Chicken’? 

                Alt lit embraces graffiti. Several members of alt lit have gone to jail for their beliefs in the art form. Jail is a transformational experience for alt lit. One day they’re in jail, the next they have a story to tell the world. Depending on the energy of the artist this experience can be parlayed into a full-on novella. See Tao Lin’s work for further experience. Tao Lin sucks at shoplifting. However his portrayal of jail life is far better than any attempt to steal a shirt. 

                Tao Lin is also famous for his ‘hamster’ graffito. Anyone in Brooklyn can see it. Many have their picture taken next to it. Witnessing it firsthand is like seeing a Banksy. The only difference is everybody is completely and fully aware Tao Lin did that shit, back in the day when he was young and hungry. How many have tagged the sides of rocks with Tao Lin’s twitter handle? Answer: eight people.

                Well I am an eighth of the way there. For I see something beautiful. A relevant rock erodes in Sarah Lawrence. Take a look at it. Majestically the rock sits there, meditating. Yes it hides the smile quite well. On its bare backside it has my twitter handle. Someone put it there to last forever. Will there ever be a Mt. Rushmore of twitter handles? Only time will tell. 

                I need to change my policy about profile pictures. This is my new profile picture. Should I encourage graffito on the sides of rocks of people? I have no idea where this may lead. Regarding the last bit, of a tattoo of Beach Sloth, I’d recommend paypaling me money instead. Here I thought my main contribution to IRL was sending out chapbooks. How wrong. All I needed to do was embrace a rock. Hope to see more rock-based Beach Sloth art. Wish I could do it but I’m just a sloth. Tag pictures of your ‘@beach_sloth’ rock tags on Facebook. Give me new Facebook profile pictures.

Tao Lin and Megan Boyle Break Up :(

               There I was, in my matching plaid Pajamas, doing Math homework, when I saw it. A relationship status change which changed my life lay in front of me. Part of me couldn’t believe it. I know love is a never-ending math equation, where the numbers don’t add up, but I couldn’t grasp it. Megan Boyle and Tao Lin had split up. Confused I decided to use math to determine why this had happened, but nothing, not even linear regression or taking the second derivative of love helped me. 

                How did this happen? We’ll never know; that’s for sure. I felt sad seeing this relationship change. The two of them seemed so sweet and adorable together. I remember seeing them in all those MDMA films, which were little funny valentines, bathed in red light, mumbled but caring. Actually I even remember seeing them at one of the premiers of those films, specifically for “Bebe Zeva”. Part of me wanted to go up to them, to shake each one of their hands and thank them for being great writers. Instead I stood by myself, awkward, wondering if I should talk to people more internet famous than myself, which is everyone. 

                Now I can see the bloggers circling around the split up couple. Countless blog entries are going to be dedicated to taking sides. Some will take Tao Lin’s side; others will take Megan Boyle’s side. Foul comments will come out of each camp, dreadful words meant to hurt. They’ll question the other, berate the other, post of Facebook walls, and generally create an internet-based ruckus. 

                I’m going to do an unusual thing I say I like them both. Yes, I’m diplomatic. Sloths are known for being diplomats as we’re not really genetically pre-disposed to fighting due to our slow pace. Each writer has a specific style. Both of them have their own reasons for splitting up and it probably was for the best. Glad to see neither one has any plans for stopping the amazing output they’ve been putting out lately. 

                A number of breakups have been taking place recently. First those old people from Sonic Youth and now this breakup, which hurts more. Sonic Youth are far away from me; they don’t check their twitter nor link my site on their site. Tao Lin and Megan Boyle are responsive on the internet, liking posts and such. Despite having never introduced nor even met either one of them in real life, I feel they are my friends in a way which more meaningful than many people I know in real life. That’s because their work speaks to me and lets me know I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed by this big old crazy world. At times their writing suggests they are in the room, trying to calm me down, trying to make me feel a little less nervous about my life. That’s probably why I’m a little sad about the breakup. Obviously they are too. 

                Sure, I know it was for the best for reasons I’ll never understand. Love is a mysterious thing. But now I know: if I ever bump into Megan or Tao of them in real life, I’ll give them a hug and buy them some ice cream.

Tao Lin and Megan Boyle Break Up :(

               There I was, in my matching plaid Pajamas, doing Math homework, when I saw it. A relationship status change which changed my life lay in front of me. Part of me couldn’t believe it. I know love is a never-ending math equation, where the numbers don’t add up, but I couldn’t grasp it. Megan Boyle and Tao Lin had split up. Confused I decided to use math to determine why this had happened, but nothing, not even linear regression or taking the second derivative of love helped me. 

                How did this happen? We’ll never know; that’s for sure. I felt sad seeing this relationship change. The two of them seemed so sweet and adorable together. I remember seeing them in all those MDMA films, which were little funny valentines, bathed in red light, mumbled but caring. Actually I even remember seeing them at one of the premiers of those films, specifically for “Bebe Zeva”. Part of me wanted to go up to them, to shake each one of their hands and thank them for being great writers. Instead I stood by myself, awkward, wondering if I should talk to people more internet famous than myself, which is everyone. 

                Now I can see the bloggers circling around the split up couple. Countless blog entries are going to be dedicated to taking sides. Some will take Tao Lin’s side; others will take Megan Boyle’s side. Foul comments will come out of each camp, dreadful words meant to hurt. They’ll question the other, berate the other, post of Facebook walls, and generally create an internet-based ruckus. 

                I’m going to do an unusual thing I say I like them both. Yes, I’m diplomatic. Sloths are known for being diplomats as we’re not really genetically pre-disposed to fighting due to our slow pace. Each writer has a specific style. Both of them have their own reasons for splitting up and it probably was for the best. Glad to see neither one has any plans for stopping the amazing output they’ve been putting out lately. 

                A number of breakups have been taking place recently. First those old people from Sonic Youth and now this breakup, which hurts more. Sonic Youth are far away from me; they don’t check their twitter nor link my site on their site. Tao Lin and Megan Boyle are responsive on the internet, liking posts and such. Despite having never introduced nor even met either one of them in real life, I feel they are my friends in a way which more meaningful than many people I know in real life. That’s because their work speaks to me and lets me know I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed by this big old crazy world. At times their writing suggests they are in the room, trying to calm me down, trying to make me feel a little less nervous about my life. That’s probably why I’m a little sad about the breakup. Obviously they are too. 

                Sure, I know it was for the best for reasons I’ll never understand. Love is a mysterious thing. But now I know: if I ever bump into Megan or Tao of them in real life, I’ll give them a hug and buy them some ice cream.