I HATE VOLLEYBALL (2014) by Steve Roggenbuck

                Steve Roggenbuck does not advise people to go on dates he suggests they eat dates. What a twisted mother that Steve Roggenbuck. Turns out dates are a food that is delicious and nutritious. If you are eating dates you are doing great (s). Aw yeah the dates lifestyle is a good one. Unlike pomegranates, who have stolen various vital organs of mine, dates are sweet tender food that enjoys being consumed for they live to die. Most foods typically enjoy being consumed by human beings, plants especially since plants are all about that procreation. How that works typically is a plant gets eaten, consumed, defecated and then has its seed grow up elsewhere. Since the plant was worried about the quality of schools nearby this helps the plant out a whole bunch. 

                 Out of seemingly somewhere Steve Roggenbuck warns the viewer about seeing him on his nice side. This is true. When Steve Roggenbuck gets nice it is extraordinary. One time whilst Steve Roggenbuck and I were driving across the fine Russian countryside he noticed a family of ducks in trouble. Steve Roggenbuck begged of me to pull the car over. I told him we’d be late for the reading in Smolensk. Steve Roggenbuck said “Damn Smolensk sloth, there’s baby ducks in trouble!” Together Steve Roggenbuck and I saved over 800 members of that duck family. That was back in 2012 when Alt Lit went international. To this day we each receive a crappy e-card from that duck family. One of the ducks is currently attending SUNY Albany and is majoring in art history. 

                Art is Steve Roggenbuck’s life. He is always trying to improve his art. If Steve Roggenbuck could light his own piss on fire he would be the world’s greatest living artist. Determining how to light one’s piss on fire is not an easy decision. Once somebody lights their own piss on fire there is no turning back. They have to live with that piss-fire-lighting decision for their entire lives. Hopefully if Steve Roggenbuck goes down the piss-fire-lighting road his road will not be dark, but rather illuminated by the glow of his flaming piss. 

                The shout out to lawns feels appropriate after such soul-searching brought on by the need, no want, to set his piss on fire. Lawns of America are beautiful green things. Back in the olden day people did not have lawns but rather piles of dirt they’d sweep to the front of their house. On weekends home owners would compare the piles of dirt to determine who won. Losers of the dirt pile contest found their homes pelted with smelly farts. People would simply fart into their hands, grab that smell tight, and throw it. America in the 1950s was pretty dismal but fortunately the rest of the world was way worse so the competition was pretty low. 

                America needs to get ready for Steve Roggenbuck because he is ready for love and that means one thing: a virtual hug.

livemylief

livemylief:

USE INTERLIBRARY LOAN TO KILL GUY FIERI

                Bath fans are true mysteries. A good hot shower is a great way to start any day. Unfortunately there are also bad hot showers, the kind of hot showers that turned to a life of crime. People talk about getting robbed by bad hot showers all the time. Turning a hot shower from bad to good requires a lot of patience from individuals willing to work through shower problems. Honestly showers should be a solace from the mad world that exists without any specific pressure settings. 

                Guy Fieri sets his shower setting to scalding. He is the embodiment of something. Whatever that something is depends on the viewer’s perspective. Interlibrary loan can successfully defeat Guy Fieri as he is a mere shell of a man devoid of substance besides random food he shovels into his mouth. Similarly Robin Thicke cannot defend himself against interlibrary loan either. Together these two individuals are the least well-read people on the planet who have achieved some modicum of success. Loud, abrasive, and somehow given money, the two are the two out of the three horsemen of the end of times. To date there has been no sighting of the third horseman of the apocalypse though the third horseman of the apocalypse is said to be more irritating than Guy Fieri and Robin Thicke put together. 

                From this dark beginning emerges the poet of Steve Roggenbuck ready to bring the light. Jackass influenced Steve Roggenbuck’s poetic style. This makes perfect sense as Jackass embodies the YOLO lifestyle. W-D40 is a rare product placement in Steve Roggenbuck’s video. Anybody with a chaffed whatever can simply apply W-D40 to the swelled area and experience instant gratifying relief. Life ought to be about gratification, though it does not need to be instant. Parents exist because they want to experience the gratification of seeing their children succeed. Steve Roggenbuck’s mother likes what her son does via the Tumblr world. Clearly Steve Roggenbuck’s mother is a mother that all mothers should aspire to, because Tumblr is full of heart not simply like. 

                Out of seemingly somewhere comes the hallmark of a Steve Roggenbuck video, a shout-out to dads and a smiling cartoon banana. No Steve Roggenbuck video is complete without a shout-out to Mr. Roggenbuck, Steve Roggenbuck’s cherished internet IRL dad. Yes Steve Roggenbuck’s dad uses pancakes as bread for sandwiches. That is simply the way Steve Roggenbuck’s dad rolls. There is no other way to roll. Rolling with Steve Roggenbuck’s dad is a true joy. 

                Vin Diesel, another true joy to the world, gives sage advice. Named after a famous fuel, Vin Diesel is a true rush to the head of adrenaline. Action packed movies with Vin Diesel are packed with more than simply action, they are packed with love. Vin Diesel is the embodiment of all good in the world. All hail Vin Diesel.

livemylief

livemylief:

BE YOURSLEF (PART 3: PROTECT YOUR LOVE OF YOUR WORK)

the world pushes me back onto me

[watch part 1 and part 2 from 2012]

                Your art is a reflection of yourself. Every time you create something you are making the world a richer place. Audiences exist for all forms of art. Due to various different aspects of art not all art is created equally. Of course you already knew this important artsy aspect. What you might not know is what is known as artistic freedom. Because of the choices you make in putting your art out there you can be as true or as untrue as you could possibly want. Varying degrees of success might tempt you to change a few of your personal beliefs, making the art easier to understand. Not all people choose this method. Plenty of successful artists never changed their work; they simply had a vision, stuck with it, and waited for it to pay off no matter how long it took. Getting to that spot is pretty dang sweet but it may not be for you. For one you may decide to compromise on your art to help push it towards larger audiences. 

                Honesty refers to being true to oneself, not just others. If you choose to change your art to help it become popular the effort might be worth it in terms of visibility. Beyond that though is a slippery slope, one you might slip upon. If you create art that changes people’s lives but is stuff you do not fully believe in then you will have a harder time trying to justify doing it. This is a tricky thing indeed. Lots of artists have done this in the past, are doing it now, and probably will do it in the future. That’s okay. Gaining sustainability financially is an important part of doing art. Most usually have it as a ‘side project’ or ‘side gig’ to help them through maybe more mundane daily lives. You can pick either side. 

                Being true to oneself means you create the art you want to see in the world, not necessarily what the world wants to see. Lots of people create art for themselves and a tiny audience; you probably already know this important fact. What the Beach Sloth project does is basically create art that Beach Sloth wants to see in the world, and promote it to the rest of the world. A handful of people support Beach Sloth and occasionally throw Beach Sloth a metaphorical bone. Through Beach Sloth there has been a small but noticeable progression to getting marginally closer to self-sustainability, a self-sustainability that will probably be realized in a couple of decades. Until that time, that glorious moment of discovery, it is best to create art that you can be proud of, simply believing in the work and knowing that you can justify it to yourself. That is beautiful art indeed: the art for the artist. Everyone else comes later.

THE GET TO HELL PODCAST (PILIOT EPISODE) by Steve Roggenbuck

                Steve Roggenbuck knows there is an urgent desire for people to get down. What most people do not realize is when they get down to the hottest jams of the 70s, 80s, 90s, and then the 80s again because of that nostalgia thing; they secretly want to go to hell. That is fine. Lots of people long to go to hell. Hell is a place on Earth. It is what people make of it. Every morning plenty of people wake up and find themselves in their own personal hell. 

                A Jeep Liberty is a great way to get to hell. Great gas mileage, stylish, and affordable the Jeep Liberty has it all. Transportation rules! It can be that simple. People think they need to do something particularly vile in order to find themselves getting to hell. Life is simpler than that. Besides the Jeep Liberty gets great mileage on the highway which is important for anybody contemplating getting their asses down to hell. Satan really wants more companionship down there in the molten magma core of the Earth. 

                Graveyards are the portals to the undead. Steve Roggenbuck chills in a graveyard because he is very into the YOLO lifestyle. It would be curious to determine whether or not anybody in a graveyard now dead once lived a YOLO life. Did they get to do absolutely everything they wanted to in life? Few ever know exactly what their lives could have been had they simply observed the chaotic world. That is part of the fun of life: to do it wrong and everything still ends up okay. 

                Creationism takes over science. Bill Nye (known as Billy Nye to his friends) hates creationism because it cancelled his award-winning program. Now Bill Nye goes on TV hating on creationism. It took away his lucrative career as being a science guy. Poor Bill Nye lives a tough life as a talking head hoping to get that important phone call while he is busy doing his day job managing a small KFC right outside Boston. Sometimes when Bill Nye works as a store manager for that KFC he wonders where his life went as he bites down into a delicious KFC biscuit or whatever food substitute they sell at KFC.

                Finally Steve Roggenbuck discusses the pharmaceutical industry and what it does to America’s youth. Those poor youth are neglected for their parents want to get into hell just like everybody else does.

Steve Roggenbuck is creating videos

                You might be aware that Steve Roggenbuck creates videos. Has he changed millions of people’s lives? Is the sky blue? What a foolish question. The power of Steve Roggenbuck’s videos is perfectly they embody his message. Countless individuals have discovered more about themselves than they might have ever known through his classic videos. Life with Steve Roggenbuck’s videos is indeed a good one. A recent development has happened, one that is going to change the game forever. 

                Patreon is a site that helps people fund those things they really care about. Hence it serves as a way for people to truly pursue their art and get money for it. This money can be used to make the artist a bit more comfortable. It seems to be a relatively straightforward thing. By letting individuals choose to contribute whatever money they choose (it can be as little or as much as they want) the artist gets a little bit of a stipend to live off of, because an artist really should not have the word “starving” in front. Rather the work should be able to get a little bit of recognition. 

                What is nice about the site is that people can continue to get the same culture fix they had before. Steve Roggenbuck’s video will continue to be completely free for all to enjoy. For those who want to contribute money to make his life a little easier, well for each video he puts out there is a recommended amount per video. Steve Roggenbuck is highly Satanic hence the goal of $666 per video. If he accomplishes this he’ll probably be doing pretty damned good. Of course he will literally be damned via the mark of the beast lifestyle. 

                Steve Roggenbuck lives incredibly frugally. Currently he has been working on a lot of different projects to try and expand people’s interest in what is going on via the online culture. Boost House is the physical embodiment of what Steve Roggenbuck had been working on for so many years while he was traveling via the backpack style. I know Steve Roggenbuck not just as an artist but also as a friend. A friend who has watched me sleep and live-tweeted me sleeping, a friend who has crashed at my place multiple times. I vouch for Steve Roggenbuck and say considering the good his videos have done, and considering their exposure, it is high time you or somebody like you helps him out in a little way. Or a big way, a big way works too.

14 TED talks in 3 minutes by Steve Roggenbuck

                Every TED talk has a particular style that benefits everyone. Such things are beautiful to behold. Listening to the tones of the TED talker is truly an enlightening experience. With each new tone the TED talker is able to play the highest kind of musical instrument, that of the human mind, quite a beautiful thing to behold. 

                Babies love watching TED talks. Thanks to the simplistic message of the TED talks coupled with the jingling of keys that most TED talkers use, babies are able to be entertained by TED talks for hours on end. Sesame Street is the TED talk for young children. New Sesame Street episodes play into the delightful game that is the TED talk. Among the luminaries that have graced Sesame Street include former Presidents, former alive people, and various puppets of differing calibers. 

                 Around cities there are millions of underused bathtubs. People try to work their way into bathtubs through networking. These things are perfectly normal. Many TED talks focus on cleanliness. If people can get closer to their clean selves they can start to impress others. Usually the smells that come from a person ought to be fully celebrated. Nasty smells are truly terrible things that can tear a person fully apart. In the TED talk business world people are expected to have beautiful glorious smells that can bring the world together. 

                Men in Black 3 is the kind of movie that can create peace on Earth. The more people that watch Men in Black 3 the better off all of humanity will be. No number of times is enough for that subtle nuanced film. Every time a person watches Men in Black 3 an angel gets its wings. Religions are based around Men in Black 3 hence why they wear black. Less of a lifestyle the Men in Black 3 is the kind of thing that brings people together. At least eight separate TED talks discuss the importance of Men in Black 3 in modern society. 

                What TED talk would be complete without a guest appearance by America’s sweetheart, James Franco. A movie with James Franco is a regular movie. He has appeared in so much throughout his life. Millions believe James Franco’s best moment came with his role in the underrated (at the time) series Freaks and Geeks. From such humble origins James Franco has made it on the big and small screen, learning every potential trade before it is too late

TAKE AWAY DOCTOR PHIL’S CAR by Steve Roggenbuck

                Bananas are a special kind of fruit the kind of fruit you can take home to mother. Fruits generally speaking are pretty mom friendly except pomegranates. If you bring pomegranates home to your mother you’re a totally sick fuck. Get with the wholesomeness of bananas. Avoid the decadent depraved culture that is the pomegranate lifestyle. Take it from me I used to be addicted to pomegranates. One morning after a night of heavy partying with pomegranates I woke up in an alley in Des Moines, Iowa and was missing both of my big toes. I have never had that problem with bananas. So please be good with your plentiful bananas. 

                With Father’s Day it is a good idea to eat dead dad with your dad. Your dad will learn to appreciate the fact that he is not dead. Usually people enjoy being alive but make sure to ask your dad about his life before serving him any dead dad. Any questions about eating a dead dad with your dad can be directed to Seth Rogan, who started the dead dad eating craze. In fact a lot of Seth Rogan’s recent healthy exploits can be attributed to his heavy insistence on eating dead dad for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This Father’s Day remember to eat a dead dad with your dad. 

                Horses can save your life. Lots of people enjoy their lifestyle with a horse. Those horses enjoy being wild. If you ride a horse you got to ride it all night long, on the highway because cars need to be destroyed. People should really walk more often than drive everywhere. You of course already know this critical fact of life. Watching the world blur around you is what you do when paying attention to reality gets a little bit too difficult. Hopefully that blurred world will one day come into focus for you and offer you so much more. 

                Dr. Phil sucks. This is an obvious fact. You probably knew of Dr. Phil’s extreme awfulness. First of all Dr. Phil is not even a Dr. yet insists everybody call him Dr. Phil. His advice is terrible. If you want to stop Dr. Phil take away his car. A lack of a car means Dr. Phil will not have the necessary means of transportation where he can later insult various individuals on his TV show. TV needs to end and you can help. End the tyrannical reign of Dr. Phil and save the world.


Now Petting a Squirrel: Steve Roggenbuck
                For years Steve Roggenbuck has longed to pet a squirrel. Most of his life has consisted of ways to impress squirrels. As a mere young strapping lad Steve Roggenbuck used to try to talk to squirrels. Beck inspired Steve Roggenbuck to become closer to squirrels after listening to Beck’s chart-topping album “Mellow Gold” especially the song “Whiskeyclone, Hotel City 1997”. Part of that song describes how “she could talk to squirrels”. Unfortunately to truly make the Beck thing work Steve Roggenbuck would have had to work at the Whiskeyclone Hotel in 1997. Instead of uprooting himself from rural Michigan to work at age nine he stayed to farm. 

                Eventually Steve Roggenbuck got into metal or rather metal got into him. He drummed for the band. He became a Slipknot fan and wholesome little maggot. Squirrels appeared uninterested in his ability to memorize the Slipknot discography. Typically most squirrels are into folk music having had their culture renaissance in the 1960s with the Folk Music Revival. Since then squirrels have longed for folk to once more become culturally relevant as squirrels are particularly soulful adept guitar players. Hence Steve Roggenbuck’s discussion of metal simply reminded them of a time when their squirrely world was much more culturally relevant.

                Around the time of Steve Roggenbuck’s MFA program things began to change. For one Steve Roggenbuck had gotten more interested in poetry. Squirrels are pretty into poetry. The inability for squirrels to find the right word drives every squirrel nuts. Unknown outside the animal kingdom, squirrel poetry is poignant poetic and brief. Squirrels know they only have a limited amount of time on Earth hence why they bury nuts into the soil to prepare for the winter of their discontent. When Steve Roggenbuck dropped out of his MFA program he became more squirrel-accessible. The squirrels of the world watched Steve Roggenbuck on YouTube and felt inspired enough to copulate wildly. It is a widely-known fact that squirrel birthrates increased alongside Steve Roggenbuck’s popularity. 

                Years of Steve Roggenbuck’s affection to the squirrel community paid off. The first time he merely pet a squirrel which he called highly Satanic probably, because why not. It is. Squirrels enjoy worshipping the mighty lord of darkness Satan. Recently in America’s heartland, California, Steve Roggenbuck met true success. A particularly enthusiastic squirrel approached Steve Roggenbuck and asked to be petted. Steve Roggenbuck exclaimed “#rare talking squirrel” but did as he was told. Now Steve Roggenbuck and the squirrel community have come together in a beautiful way to spread to spread the good YOLO word.

Now Petting a Squirrel: Steve Roggenbuck

                For years Steve Roggenbuck has longed to pet a squirrel. Most of his life has consisted of ways to impress squirrels. As a mere young strapping lad Steve Roggenbuck used to try to talk to squirrels. Beck inspired Steve Roggenbuck to become closer to squirrels after listening to Beck’s chart-topping album “Mellow Gold” especially the song “Whiskeyclone, Hotel City 1997”. Part of that song describes how “she could talk to squirrels”. Unfortunately to truly make the Beck thing work Steve Roggenbuck would have had to work at the Whiskeyclone Hotel in 1997. Instead of uprooting himself from rural Michigan to work at age nine he stayed to farm. 

                Eventually Steve Roggenbuck got into metal or rather metal got into him. He drummed for the band. He became a Slipknot fan and wholesome little maggot. Squirrels appeared uninterested in his ability to memorize the Slipknot discography. Typically most squirrels are into folk music having had their culture renaissance in the 1960s with the Folk Music Revival. Since then squirrels have longed for folk to once more become culturally relevant as squirrels are particularly soulful adept guitar players. Hence Steve Roggenbuck’s discussion of metal simply reminded them of a time when their squirrely world was much more culturally relevant.

                Around the time of Steve Roggenbuck’s MFA program things began to change. For one Steve Roggenbuck had gotten more interested in poetry. Squirrels are pretty into poetry. The inability for squirrels to find the right word drives every squirrel nuts. Unknown outside the animal kingdom, squirrel poetry is poignant poetic and brief. Squirrels know they only have a limited amount of time on Earth hence why they bury nuts into the soil to prepare for the winter of their discontent. When Steve Roggenbuck dropped out of his MFA program he became more squirrel-accessible. The squirrels of the world watched Steve Roggenbuck on YouTube and felt inspired enough to copulate wildly. It is a widely-known fact that squirrel birthrates increased alongside Steve Roggenbuck’s popularity. 

                Years of Steve Roggenbuck’s affection to the squirrel community paid off. The first time he merely pet a squirrel which he called highly Satanic probably, because why not. It is. Squirrels enjoy worshipping the mighty lord of darkness Satan. Recently in America’s heartland, California, Steve Roggenbuck met true success. A particularly enthusiastic squirrel approached Steve Roggenbuck and asked to be petted. Steve Roggenbuck exclaimed “#rare talking squirrel” but did as he was told. Now Steve Roggenbuck and the squirrel community have come together in a beautiful way to spread to spread the good YOLO word.

 unboxing video of the yolo pages :)

                The Boost House team together for the Christmas time of their lives. Unlike other Christmas times this one takes place in the Spring Time for that is the only time for true growth. Deep in the winter nothing happens. Bunch of snow falls on the ground, families come together, a few individuals live-tweet their lives, etc. Not very exciting for sharable click-bait and web content, in fact the holiday season is most dominated by parents on social media sharing pictures of their children. 

                Individuals express their happiness upon opening the six hundred copies of the Yolo pages. Steve Roggenbuck appears happy. Joseph Kendrick has lost his English accent having taken on the accent of a young American child. Lately Joseph Kendrick has been big into the American lifestyle. His bedroom has soda cans strewn across it. Had Joseph Kendrick maintained his Englishness doing English-type things he could have kept the accent. Anytime any English person goes waltzing into a Wal-Mart ready to save, that’s when the Americanization begins. 

                Everyone smiles at the Yolo Pages. Due to the color of the Yolo Pages the book is able to smile back. Across the world are over fifty contributors to the Yolo Pages. People express the utmost joy at finally having the Yolo Pages enter their homes. Young parents are going to read the Yolo Pages to their children. Those children, those silly children, are going to bring the Yolo Pages to school to express how boosted they were by a motley cast of assorted authors. Will teachers even be ready for the boosting that Boost House is bringing to countless neighborhoods of the world? Probably not as few teachers appear in the Yolo Pages, with a few #rare exceptions. 

                Beach Sloth continues to follow this fascinating story about the Yolo Pages. This is one of the few times Beach Sloth will ever see his name printed on pages. Currently only a select few places have ever published Beach Sloth in reality: Reality Hands, Lovebook (twice, thanks Lovebook) and now the Yolo Pages. In the future there will be future publishers who will look back at this time as the time Beach Sloth made it into the medium stream. 

                Yes Boost House is bringing tens of people into the limelight. Lemon-light is considerably sourer. Boost House believes in bringing the funk into the world. The Yolo Pages will bring the funk into the world of the readers across the world. Order the Yolo Pages here and enter into a world of beauty.

livemylief

livemylief:

I REALLY WANT HORSES TO KILL ME

               Steve Roggenbuck discusses the power of limp cock snapchats. For those unaware a limp cock is a cock that is not fully erect. Typically individuals using the esteemed snapchat application take pictures of their own cocks as is their want. Any technology that can further improve upon the ‘dick pic’ phenomenon is worth far more than three billion dollars, it is priceless. A snapchat account dedicated to the everyman’s cock, the flaccid cock, is a rare find indeed. With his flaccid cock blowing in the breeze like a proud American flag with the red white and blue displayed prominently Steve Roggenbuck is a patriot where it counts in his cock. Millions of people have been saved by the unbelievable power held within Steve Roggenbuck’s limp cock. 

                 Yes Steve Roggenbuck says that is one of his favorite species to look at, unfortunately he is ‘shut down’ by another individual who prefer looking alone. In a world full of pornography it makes sense to look alone. Watching pornography with a bunch of people tends to ruin the experience. Every time somebody puts up a cat poster of ‘hang in there’ they are putting up pornography. Animals walk around naked all the time. For some reason humans feel strange showing off their stuff letting it all hang out. Hence tailors are happy with any conservative style to cover everything up. Tailors are trying to hide people’s true outer beauty. 

                Families gather around the cellphone to watch Vines. Long ago people heard it through the grape vine. This is now. Grapes have been let go due to budgetary costs leaving the vines behind to tell it to whoever wants to listen. Release waivers need to be signed in order to get that sweet yummy vine information. When someone discovers what vines are for the first time it is a beautiful experience. Everything on a phone and a computer can be beautiful. Life is migrating to be fully online, up and running 24/7. 

                Ending it with some of the most poignant observations known to humankind Steve Roggenbuck discusses his web content creation skills. Lots of politicians promise to create jobs. That never really happens. What politicians can promise (and deliver on) are the beautiful pieces of web content. Humanity has evolved past the point of needing careers, sustainable income, and shelter. Because of the power of Daft Punk and of a constantly slow moving reality more people are migrating to become digital creatures of the night. Steve Roggenbuck is simply the beginning, the glad-handing grand-standing great good gargantuan guy who gives the world a hug from the comfort of his laptop. Remember to hug back.