Beach Sloth

livemylief:

we can change the world

                Steve Roggenbuck is the rogue of bucks. According to this video he is the rogue of ducks too. Ducks fly away from Steve like they owed him money. Weirdly the ducks do owe him money. Long ago Steve Roggenbuck sent his critically acclaimed book ‘CRUNK JUICE’ to lots of ducks and Canadian Geese. Unfortunately those slick birds never paid up for the books. Hence that’s why Steve Roggenbuck is surrounded by various forms of bird defecation. 

                Justin Timberlake is called out for his failure to bring sexy back. Recently Justin Timberlake has been riding a wave of good will with his chart-topping hit album ‘The 20/20 Experience’ about optometry. Many eye doctors were moved by Justin Timberlake’s vision, which is perfect. However Steve Roggenbuck isn’t letting Justin Timberlake get away that easily. If in fact Justin Timberlake has this ‘20/20’ vision he should be able to easily spot out sexy. Upon seeing sexy Justin Timberlake should be able to shepherd the return of sexy. Honestly Justin Timberlake is a relatively attractive young chap with a serious bro following. If he can’t bring sexy back then nobody can. 

                ‘Fucker’ is a popular word in the English lexicon. Steve Roggenbuck asks the ancient question: who is the fuckee? It is worth asking. ‘What is the sound of one hand fucking?’ is pretty easily answered. But this, who is the one getting fucked, that’s hard to say. Politicians say it is the American people suffering under the yolk of one of the worst economic downturns in decades. The American people don’t deserve to suffer under the yolk of one of the worst economic downturns in decades they deserve egg whites. Egg whites are way healthier. Egg whites are delicious and nutritious.  

                Will Smith is another celebrity endorsement. Yep Will Smith is endorsed by Steve Roggenbuck internet celebrity. Out of thousands of celebrities only one has created a word that will last through the ages: jiggy. Getting jiggy with it remains one of the great 90s masterpieces, up there with Slint’s ‘Spiderland’, Tortoise’s ‘Millions Now Living Will Never Die’, and Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind’. Of course Will Smith minds a lot though. He never uses the word ‘Nevermind’ because Will Smith loves everything. Will Smith is the embodiment of pure love. 

                Hugging is a huge part of Steve Roggenbuck’s brand. Without hugs Steve Roggenbuck is less of a man. Real men hug. Real women hug. Real sloths hug. Real anything likes hugs. That’s why materialism is so scary. No piece of stuff hugs a person back. People need each other. People need to work for each other. Geography is only a thing that separates people. Hugs bring them together.

livemylief:

when i was in high school i wanted to play in a band for a living. in college i switched my focus to poetry and later i expanded to video, but esentialy i kept the same goal: i wanted to “make a living” from my art, so i can spend my #rare time alive on what i believe in and what makes me hapy. for the past two years i’ve worked particularly hard at making that hapen. i’ve been sucessful by my definition (yayy!), and one of my bigest guides along the way has been gary vaynerchuk

if you’ve seen many of my videos at all, u have probaly seen clips of gary (here, here, here, here, here). gary’s message is rooted in a strong awareness of YOLO: you only live once, so do what you love. much of gary’s work is teaching specific ways to make it possible to do what u love, he talks about how to build a folowing and community around your work online. much of my aproach to social media community building—how i run my twitter, livestreams, etc—has been adapted from gary’s ideas

the core of gary’s marketing philosophy is to CARE—to be there for your folowers, actualy respond to them, say thanks when people share your work, check out their work in return, make friends and be part of the comunity. this works because when you give back (or give first) so generously, your folowers tend to get more enthusiastic and help share your work. equally simple is gary’s philosophy of personal brand, which is basicaly be yourself.. gary says “there are no damn tactics: be who you are, talk about shit you love”

today i got to interview gary! often gary addresses the concerns of big brands, but this interview is directed at young artists who are trying to build a folowing and eventualy make money from what they love

(back-up mp3 link if the player isn’t working: click here!)

take-away points (SPOLIER ALERT)

• if you’re considering pursuing your art/passion, dont focus on concerns about whether you’ll have success or security within 5-10 years—focus on whether you’ll be 70 years old and have regrets that you never tried!!
  
  
• when you eventualy release a book/album/etc and you need your community to actualy follow thru and support you, you should just ask them for what you want, don’t fear rejection.
  
  
• when you do IRL events like shows or readings, make the most of any turn-out by giving your full heart and soul to the attendees. connect personaly w/ each person there. then those few ppl wil be the ones to help u get many more ppl out next time
  
  
• don’t beat yourself up for sucking at 99.9% of things, just go super hard at the 0.1% you are realy good at!! build around what u are good at
  
  

if you like this interview i recomend gary’s book CRUSH IT, and this video of him click here!! his upcoming book this fall is called Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook! u can also follow him on twitter and facebook, and look thru his website garyvaynerchuk.com

                Steve Roggenbuck has sampled Gary Vaynerchuk’s videos for an extremely long period of time. For a long time Gary has served as a sort of guide to young Steve Roggenbuck. Many of the inspirational quotes from Gary Vaynerchuk have inspired Steve to set off into the world. The tour of the United States, East Coast and Best Coast, has been due to Gary’s ability to inspire Steve that ‘YOLO’. 

                Art can support people. This is hugely important. Gary wonders why passions are sort of ‘simmered down’. Structured systems create this feeling that art is too risky. Picking another career path is what is generally suggested. Doing this is a bit of a downer however. For those artists who give up there is the sense of regret. Life should not be a series of ‘What Ifs’. Of course that will happen, one cannot do everything. Life desires passion. By giving up on this passion and resigning one’s fate to just a job, a job that’s not loved, is the saddest thing possible. Going for it, and even failing, is life. It is okay to fail. If someone fails that means they at least tried. Not even doing that can be such a sad occurrence. 

                Story telling depends on the medium. Multiple online platforms exist. Here Steve asks Gary about shares for sites that allow it versus sites those that do not. Functions of sharing are inevitable. Gary states that people find ways to pass on information. Long ago the share-ability of songs came from cassettes, CDs; MP3s. Things have taken on since then. Platforms are forced to share. Twitter used to lack a re-tweet function many years ago. Now thankfully such a thing is made possible. The will of the end consumer will prevail over this lack of sharing. 

                Money from art is important. Gary suggests getting someone to help with sales can help. Some artists like ‘Beach Sloth’ do occasionally ask for money by asking readers to paypal: pleasepaybeachsloth@gmail.com. Yes it can be that transparent. Business requires this in order to sustain the art. Through giving lots of stuff away for free artists can feel worried when they ultimately have to ask for money. However if the art can be monetarily sustainable then the art can last quite a while. 

                Videos of Gary on YouTube get Steve ‘pumped’. The IRL events are for everyone. Gary states that even small exhibits can improve turnout. If eight people show up then that’s worth it. Showing those eight people an amazing time can result in a greater turnout the next time. Bigger audiences do not mean better. What a bigger audience means is those smaller audiences beforehand helped to improve everything. 

                Tapping into self-awareness is extremely important for Gary. Parts of this came from his upbringing. Gary lives life pretty hard. Honestly though Gary feels he is terrible at most of what he does. For that 0.1% though he rocks it hard. Everyone is special at something. Nobody can be perfect at everything. Mastery of one skill is critical. 

                Finally it ends with the sort of question and answer session that needs to be heard to be believed. Everything that came before the last question becomes crystal clear by the end. Honestly Gary and Steve come across as two similar souls on this epic phone interview.

COLOR ME FUNNY

                March 14^th at Delia Foley’s at 8:30 PM Alt Lit history will be borne out of the mouths of babes. One of those babes is the infinitely affable Steve Roggenbuck, webmaster of ‘Live my Lief’ and preeminent poet of the online generation. Rarely does Mr. Roggenbuck make his way to Baltimore, Maryland. Yet that’s exactly what is happening this very Thursday, March 14^th. Things are changing. Baltimore has done a lot to prepare itself for Steve Roggenbuck’s visit. What are most exciting are the little things about the arrival. Blink and one might miss them. 

                The first thing is the most obvious. The ‘Shamrock’ shake has transfigured itself into the ‘Shamcock’ shake to better advertise itself to Steve Roggenbuck’s legion of cockboys. Since settling down the cockboys have had an easy time of things in merry old Chicago, working as baristas and street walkers. And boy when one of Steve Roggenbuck’s cockboys passes, each person they pass goes ‘Ah’. It is like ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ but updated to include Steve Roggenbuck’s cockboy entourage. Many of them are looking forward to seeing Baltimore once more, a place so nice they named it once and promptly forgot about it because Washington, D.C. is right next door and less funky. More no mistake about it, Baltimore is funky as fuck. There is a reason John Waters set ‘Pink Flamingos’ in Baltimore. People get a real thrill out of it, like Steve Roggenbuck does whenever he visits. 

                Baltimore is ready for its self-appointed ‘sexual cartographer’.  Flowers are budding. Trees are growing there leaves once more. Some say this is due to the change of the seasons, from winter into spring. Life is coming to rescue people from the cold dark grays of winter. While there is some truth to this whole ‘season’ thing part of the reason is due to the infinitely fertile loins of Steve Roggenbuck. Sadly since Steve Roggenbuck last arrived on Baltimore’s hallowed-ass shores, he’s shed himself of the ‘pre and post’ cum filled pants that defined an era of him. Now sold on EBAY to someone who will definitely not wash them Steve has new plans for Baltimore. In Baltimore Steve Roggenbuck will twerk hard to create pre cum stains on the pants of hundreds of lucky boys and girls, transforming them into adults from mere children. 

                Alt Lit and comedy will come together for this delightful little shindig. Among the lucky ones are a bunch of comedians who will probably raise the roof, transforming scrappy little Delia Foley’s regular ceiling height into loft style. That’s classy. As an additional bonus Beach Sloth, a rare and mysterious beast, will make a rare appearance where he will either ‘rock the house’, ‘suck’, or more probably reach a level in between those two extremes. No photography please for Beach Sloth, but for Steve Roggenbuck: go nuts. Take lots of pictures. Steve Roggenbuck is the Johnny Appleseed of poetry. Watch him plant seeds of wisdom in the mind.

RARE STEVE ROGGENBUCK PANTS (WHAT THE FRICK)

                Steve Roggenbuck’s pants are majestic. Many have referred to his pants as ‘the brotherhood of the traveling pants’. They are the only pants Steve has owned for years. Worn down due to his intense belief in living his life, they are a mere shell of their previous full-panted shelves. Nevertheless, they are a part of history. Featured in the exclusive footage of the Style Section of the New York Times, they are iconic. No pair of pants has done what Steve Roggenbuck’s pants have done. Going across America, spreading poetry, starting poetic mosh pits, the pants pictures are plentiful. One could simply stare at the many pictures of Steve with his pants on, despite many people’s desperate pleas to remove them, and figure they are a symbol of fortitude. More importantly however is the ability to purchase said pants. 

                For the Satanic price of $666, one can remove Steve Roggenbuck’s pants. Many have asked Steve Roggenbuck to ‘take off his shirt’, ‘swing peen on cam’, and ‘take off pants’ many times before. Well this is their opportunity to put their money where their crotch is. Steve Roggenbuck has an extremely rabid fan base, up to the point where some people literally ‘foam at the mouth’ with each additional poem or video. Yes Steve Roggenbuck makes the world a happier place. Honestly Steve Roggenbuck has worked really hard to create poetic communities across the country. Countless people who would have otherwise never met became close friends thanks to Steve’s tireless efforts.

                Well it may be time to give back. Steve Roggenbuck is settling down in Chicago to continue his poetic pursuits. Like all great members of Alt Lit, Steve Roggenbuck wants to get in on that sweet ‘Alt Lit Dad’ life. Beach Sloth does it. Every morning when Beach Sloth wakes up at the crack of noon he sees his kids working on the farm, picking beets and composing tweets. Typically Beach Sloth’s kids are up several hours before Beach Sloth, since Beach Sloth loves the ‘sleeping in sloth life’. Though the beets are delicious, the tweets are weak. It isn’t their fault. Beach Sloth’s children are still too young for some of the more adult themes in Alt Lit. Steve Roggenbuck knows this too, which is why he reverts to the safer parenting decision of having his children just whip quarters at him from the comfort of his brand-ass new apartment in Chicago. 

                A permanent residence is a beautiful thing for the former nomad. Steve Roggenbuck will continue to maintain his ‘online as fuck’ presence. Upon a few more months there might even be an ‘Alt Lit House’ dedicated to better serving community needs for sick fucks. Every city in America deals with its Alt Lit sick fucks differently. With additional income Steve can begin this house, a house the likes of which have never been seen before. If the internet gives back with a Satanic level of money (or higher) than Steve’s ability to raise a family of truly fricked up kids can be achieved. Honestly Steve Roggenbuck would make a great Alt Lit dad, gesticulating wildly, shouting at them, and shaking what the good lord gave him, his cunning intellect. 

                Please peruse and perchance purchase Steve Roggenbuck’s pants. Pre-cum and Post-cum stains are included as they have never been washed.

livemylief:

PUMP UP VIDEO FOR LIEF IN GENERAL

if anyone shows us the ceiling, we show them sky

                Fathers are an important part of Alt Lit. Steve Roggenbuck reveals he’s part of the ‘Dad wave’ though he is no ‘Sad core’. Rather the inner happiness of parenthood is shown. Kids love cutting their parents. Throwing things at parents is part of growing up. What kind of kid doesn’t enjoy throwing quarters at their parents? Any kid who does not is a ‘fricked up kid’ to use the parlance of the times. For his kids, Steve Roggenbuck engages in painful activities. Raising kids hurts, particularly when the kids step on their parents’ backs or shove them into table corners. Of course the parents knew exactly what they were getting themselves into. Parenthood is not a game for everyone. But at the end, when those kids become parents and have children of their own, the circle of life is complete. Grandparents really enjoy seeing their offspring suffer under the yoke of children. Grandparents encourage children to ‘mess up’ their parents. 

                Abandonment is another part of growing up. Steve Roggenbuck is on the road a lot of the time. Steve Roggenbuck’s kids, those crazy stupid kids, have no idea where their father goes. Currently his kids don’t even follow their father on twitter, or even tumblr. All Steve Roggenbuck’s kids know is soda needs to be called pop, just like their dad. In one unfortunate accident Steve Roggenbuck’s kids tried to open up their dad like a soda can. Steve Roggenbuck had to go to the emergency room for several hours to re-sew the top half of his head back on. Oh Steve Roggenbuck’s kids, they are seriously deranged yet utterly lovable. 

                Pod-racing comes up. Vegan pod-racing has been gaining a lot of popularity lately. Steve Roggenbuck loves pod-racing. The sport of pod-racing has been catching on lately thanks to celebrity endorsements from such heavyweights like Alan Thicke, Dave Coulier, and Paul Montgomery Shore. Life doesn’t have enough pod-racing in it. Elements of pod-racing are beautiful. Obviously pod-racing is going to be bigger, bigger than football, bigger than Canada. Pod-racing is a slippery slope to ‘bod-racing’ a far more suggestive form of pod-racing. 

                Things from the past are wonderful. Being appreciative of past events is aging. With age comes wisdom. Youth brings idiocy. That’s okay. Aging exists so people can realize how good they had it and how good they can have it. Some ages are ideal for this reflection. Moments in life where it all comes together, where it smells like spring, where the air has been cleaned out by the rain, those are beautiful moments. Cherishing those moments can create a new-found appreciation for life. 

                Steve Roggenbuck creates a beautiful video the whole family can enjoy. Families across the world should gather around the old internet and watch this video. How it manages to inspire those to tear off the ceiling, tear off the roof and soar into the sky is incredible. There is a reason to ‘raise the roof’ at parties. It is because the party goers want to soar into the sky leaving the mundane house music behind. To soar as the eagle soars requires both wings. Anyone can do it. And Steve Roggenbuck is there; ready to lead the way to true enlightenment via flying to the sun.

Steve Roggenbuck needs you!

livemylief:

THE LOST TAPES OF LIVE MY LIEF - VOL. 4

leftover footage of 2012!! this is one of the rarest vidoes.. see also VOL 1, VOL 2, VOL 3

                There is no Post-Rock track playing in the background. The Lost Tapes of Live my Lief are the Post-Cock soundtrack to a better life. If laughter is the best medicine perhaps this video can be used as a way to defeat whatever ails the online citizenry of Alt Lit. 

                Snoop Dogg forces him to lay low. Recently Snoop Dogg converted himself to become a Snoop Lion. Dogs are easy to handle. Lions are wild untamed beasts. To love Snoop Dogg is to love the old Snoop Lion before the conversion. Hopefully Roggenbuck can survive in the bathroom without attracting the attention of Snoop Lion. 

                Jovial Jellyfish gives out a ton of props. Jovial Jellyfish props it like it’s hot. Everybody gets props. Corporate sponsors are pleased with the props. Microsoft gets some prop options. Facebook needs the props. Without Facebook Alt Lit wouldn’t even exist. Instead there would be some collection of weird Twitter accounts. Thanks to Facebook writers from all across the world can call each other sick fucks. Stride Gum, the gum that has yet to let anyone down, gets a ton of props and a half-chuckle from Roggenbuck. Yes Steve Roggenbuck’s secret for clearer skin is Stride Gum and Satan. 

                Dick lengths must be notarized. Every time someone spends a dick pic without a stamp from a notary it is illegal. Besides the best part of get a dick length notarized is if the notary is a cutie pie. Then it becomes a win-win situation for all involved. Steve Roggenbuck’s dick pic is legendary and comes with the proper legal paperwork. If anyone ever sued Roggenbuck due to a ‘misleading’ dick pic well Roggenbuck would win. Yes that’s the power of the notary public over a dick. Life is beautiful thanks to the American legal system. 

                People are better than Roggenbuck’s dog. Across America people have met his dog only to say ‘Ew’. Yes Roggenbuck’s dog is a truly terrible dog. The sassiness of Roggenbuck’s dog is ridiculous. What’s stranger is that Roggenbuck’s dog legally changed his name to John Galt. Few realize this but Roggenbuck’s dog loves Ayn Rand’s philosophy of ‘Objectivism’. Everywhere Roggenbuck goes he has to pack ‘Atlas Shrugged’ for his dog. 

                The video ends on a sensitive note about Steve Roggenbuck’s dick. With this PSA Roggenbuck is able to remind viewers of the importance of cleaning out their dicks with hair polisher. And this is a beautiful thing.

livemylief:

it is time to do something you are proud of with your life

                Steve Roggenbuck knows when people download Owl City porn. The reason is clear: because Steve Roggenbuck seeded Owl City porn with his peen. Any torrent of Owl City porn is thanks to his tireless work in the pornography department. If all art is porn then that makes Steve Roggenbuck the sluttiest artist of them all because he’s giving it away for free. Every piece of art created from Steve Roggenbuck’s sick head is beautiful. He charges nothing for it. He gives it away on the YouTube, on the Tumblrs across America ready for re-blogging. 

                Computer viruses are another form of art. Steve sends a computer virus to Kanye West. Nobody seriously believes that Kanye West would let a little computer virus ruin his career. A little glitching could do wonders for Kanye’s career. Pairing up with Oval or Yasunao Tone might completely change Kanye’s career for the weirder. Instead of samples or basic beats things could glitch all over the place. Finally Kanye could learn to accept the mistake. Mistakes are made to be embraced. How else would kids even get born if it wasn’t for glorious mistakes? It is hard to say. 

                The Midwest welcomes Steve back home. Steve Roggenbuck is the greatest export the Midwest has ever had. Yeah a long time ago the Midwest did manufacturing. People don’t need things now. Everyone has too many things. What people need is hope. Hope springs from the mouths of fricked up jackasses like Steve Roggenbuck. Alone in a field Steve screams at the top of his lungs. Good thing population density in Ruth, Michigan is like one person per mile otherwise somebody might get a wee bit annoyed. In Ruth, Michigan Steve Roggenbuck returns to his content farm ready to grow new ideas to help those in need. 

                Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end – Plato. Steve invokes the power of Plato’s wise-ass words in a bleak desolate forest. Yes Steve lives on a prayer. ‘On a prayer’ is the name of Steve Roggenbuck’s Wi-Fi network. The password is YOLO. Other networks in Steve’s Wi-Fi vicinity include ‘OptimumOnline’, ‘TheFranklinFamily2’ and ‘SMBONDAGE69’. Online access is a must for any area around Steve Roggenbuck. Steve Roggenbuck is a dreamer and his imagination is the internet. 

                Rare knowledge about Dr. Seuss is dropped. Steve reveals Dr. Seuss’s Tumblr name, Biatch Face. One can see still the beauty of that Tumblr by going here. Clearly Dr. Seuss got considerably more sentimental this year with tons of sweet Tumblr photos. A revamp for 2013 is in the works. In the meantime while Steve waits for the BiatchFace Tumblr page reboot he’ll touch his dick to things for money. Various sums of money are shouted out to describe exactly what he’d touch his dick to.

                Steve Roggenbuck ends it talking about reverence for life. This is a beautiful thing. Everyone gets a short period on Earth. During that time they have to make the most of it. Start today! 

liefplus:

the “Never give up” shirts now exist!! printed on non-sweatshop shirts, in HELVATICA :) these will ship in a week or two, order it now to secure the size u want!!!

thank u so much freinds for suporting me, i love u verymuch and 2013 is gona be the biggest year for boosting and alt positivity,and im hapy this shirt can be a symbol and an icon of that

The “Never give up” shirts now exist!!!

                Yes the original post showed only two exclamation points. Upon debate the editors here at Beach Sloth solemnly agreed the third exclamation point was necessary. New Steve Roggenbuck shirts are the Hess Trucks of Alt Lit. While there may not be any lights or anything there is the sense of pure uncut positivity. Steve Roggenbuck has rocked and cocked this great nation of America. America is so excited and now there’s absolutely no way to hide. For Steve Roggenbuck wants America as he sleeps on floors, eats college food, and encourages people to “Never Give Up”. 

                What does the shirt really represent? Not since ‘i was ok in the sea put me back’ has there been this positive jubilation about Steve Roggenbuck’s shirt style brand. Recently Beach_Sloth (the twitter handle) tweeted ‘i was ok in the internet put me back’ in support of this courageous method. Yet this new shirt is far more optimistic. Whereas Steve’s previous statement indicated a sort of ‘anti-evolutionary’ stance via the first fish that grew a pair and walked shore, this one states that those who try will succeed. Life is about failure. Most of life is made up of failure. Those successes, those sweet succulent tidbits of success are made sweeter by failure. 

                 Lots of people exist right now on Earth trying to make their dreams happen. Most of them are doing it in non-alt lit ways. For some people success means a window office. Others mean raising a successful family. Successes are like snowflakes: no two are alike. Also like snowflakes successes can be fleeting and melt on the tongue. Yeah success is a buxom beast ready to get down and dirty with its good self. But it is also a snowflake. Nobody can define success quite the same way. Like porn, somebody knows success when they see it. 

                The last part ‘if you give up fuck you’ shows the loneliness at giving up the dream. It is important to keep on trying. At some point fate will say ‘Oh why not’ and throw a couple of twenties down on the ground to help somebody out. At some point a poem will be accepted into a prestigious journal. At some point what was considered impossible will become possible. Success does take time. However success is not purely reliant on fate. Success requires people to keep on working at their dreams. While the dreams may change and the goals may change the success will still feel the same. As somebody puts on one of these bad boys from the Terrific Tumblr Titan Steve Roggenbuck it helps him achieve his dream, just a little bit. Piece by piece, little by little, everyone will be successful at different times and different paces. This is the beauty of life. Drink it up. Obey your life.

                Saying who the author is for this formidable document is fruitless. What began as a ‘(insert name here) is the (insert person here) of alt lit’ went a little wild. Alt lit is a wild beast. To put people into little categories is tremendously difficult task. By enlisting these many unsung heroes the butt manages to create perhaps one of the freest documents yet in the ongoing story of alt lit. Unknown contributors create the rare 5d butt. 5d is the most intense of all butts, beyond basic 3 dimensions of butt and even the fourth physical embodiment of butt. 5d is an emotional ‘you feel me’ kind of butt. 5d is the Plato of alt lit butts. 

                People come for alt lit and stay for the friends. There are many friends to be made in alt lit. Some of them are beautiful. Amy-Saul Zerby is one such friend. Is Amy-Saul Zerby the friend of alt lit? Yes she clearly is with her winsome smile and infinite kindness. Everybody loves Amy-Saul Zerby. Those who dislike Amy are cast into the fieriest pit of hell never to be heard from ever again. Hence everybody should really check out her work. She is cool as heck. 

                Insecurity comes up. Insecurity is part of alt lit’s heartland. Think of Illinois. Nobody really intends on going to Illinois but there are all those sweet airline connections going through there. Hence at some point if somebody wants to go anywhere in America they need to stop through Chicago. Insecurity and alt lit is the same thing. Plenty of people live in insecurity. More people want to simply pass through it without living there full time. Parts of this insecurity show themselves in different ways. One intrepred soul wants Beach Sloth to gently touch them on the peener. This is a lot to admit. Beach Sloth is a married sloth with a lovely slothy wife and three beautiful slothy kids. Yet if a gentle touch on the peener is what it takes to make somebody a good writer, so be it. It certainly beats drinking Roggenbuck-blessed cum. Roggenbuck-blessed cum is highly Satanic and burns the throat. Sex with Heiko seems good though, that’s a good ‘back-up’ plan. 

                From here things take an even more suggestive tone. This is okay. Alt lit is mostly about hookups anyway. Whoever fails to hook up in alt lit fails at life! Beach Sloth remains above it all staying true to his wife and kids hence a ‘loophole’. A poem is penned about the subtly of one’s nipples. Due to a lack of money (and heating) their nipples freeze into nickels. If their nipples keep on freezing and they keep on earning those nickels they can go to Coinstar and afford to pay their heating bill. It is that simple like the old saying goes ‘When life hands you frozen nipple-nickels, exchange them at the nearest Coinstar location for currency’. 

                Logic bombs are dropped. Whoever the anonymous person is tells the truth: some things aren’t something. Huge amounts of time are wasted each and every day. That’s fine. Part of life is discovering what to waste time on, whether it is work or friends or family. Choices like this define what people are. How to live relies less on external events and more on an internal value system. Calculating this is tremendously difficult yet ultimately rewarding. Knowing who or what is worth it brings a great rush of joy. People just want to be happy. Happiness is just another emotion to feel, the best emotion of them all. 

                Hugs make alt lit what it is today. Sure there is plenty of hooking up. Without sex alt lit wouldn’t exist via the reproduction lifestyle. Thanks to the internet though all these otherwise normally reclusive writers see each other’s work and in rare instances even get to meet each other. Being reclusive may be considered ‘sexy’ in some areas of the world. Yet the internet refuses to understand the concept of ‘being reclusive’ or ‘existing IRL’. For the internet wants everything to be within its grasp. Honestly there are some things that simply don’t translate well into the internet like sunshine and hugs. 

                When it ends it feels like the end. By the end the end feels highly sexual. Probably the document transformed into something vile. ‘My Butt Ascended into 5d’ is the cyber orgy of alt lit.