Pop Serial Pre-Gaming
                Put on your party hat and call yourself a donkey because Pop Serial 5 is coming at you! From an Internet far away from you Stephen Tully Dierks has been doing amazing work for a long time. The world of Pop Serial is a yearly one. Once a year Stephen Tully Dierks becomes an Alt Lit Santa Claus and drops serious literature onto the unsuspecting masses of the world. Nobody in the world ever knows what to expect with Pop Serial, except for Beach Sloth obviously. Beach Sloth knows all. 

                This year’s Pop Serial 5 is being given “the weekly treatment”. 2014 has been the year of the weekly treatment on the grand old Beach Sloth blog spot. Honestly Beach Sloth cannot think of a better person to celebrate than Stephen Tully Dierks. Ever since Stephen Tully Dierks moved to New York City, Beach Sloth and he have been as thick as thieves or some shit. Seeing each other across from major readings where an unheard ten to twenty people came out, Stephen Tully Dierks and Beach Sloth both visually process information. 

                Beach Sloth is happy that Stephen Tully Dierks moved to the Big Apple to take a bite out of crime. This happens quite frequently when Stephen Tully Dierks works his night job, fighting crime. What’s different about Stephen Tully Dierks fighting crime in New York City versus Chicago is there are a lot more 24-hour places to get food than Chicago. So Stephen Tully Dierks hasn’t gotten tired as easily and hasn’t fought crime for like half an hour before spending the rest of the night checking Facebook. 

                Pop Serial is perhaps the greatest thing Stephen Tully Dierks has ever done, including his crime-fighting capabilities. While it probably is all great to save cats from trees and let drunk people in Brooklyn know if the L train is running, Stephen Tully Dierks knows he was destined for greater things. Those things come in a variety of shapes and sizes. For the fifth installment of Pop Serial, there are a few rarely seen creatures. Additionally there is a text message that shows how texting is about to become a new celebrated form of literature. 

                All this and more will be revealed in deep-ass coverage beginning next week. People who are not ready, those heads that are not ready, well they better get ready. They better gather the damned family around the laptop and feel the warming glow of its pixelated messages for the whole world to see.

Pop Serial Pre-Gaming

                Put on your party hat and call yourself a donkey because Pop Serial 5 is coming at you! From an Internet far away from you Stephen Tully Dierks has been doing amazing work for a long time. The world of Pop Serial is a yearly one. Once a year Stephen Tully Dierks becomes an Alt Lit Santa Claus and drops serious literature onto the unsuspecting masses of the world. Nobody in the world ever knows what to expect with Pop Serial, except for Beach Sloth obviously. Beach Sloth knows all. 

                This year’s Pop Serial 5 is being given “the weekly treatment”. 2014 has been the year of the weekly treatment on the grand old Beach Sloth blog spot. Honestly Beach Sloth cannot think of a better person to celebrate than Stephen Tully Dierks. Ever since Stephen Tully Dierks moved to New York City, Beach Sloth and he have been as thick as thieves or some shit. Seeing each other across from major readings where an unheard ten to twenty people came out, Stephen Tully Dierks and Beach Sloth both visually process information. 

                Beach Sloth is happy that Stephen Tully Dierks moved to the Big Apple to take a bite out of crime. This happens quite frequently when Stephen Tully Dierks works his night job, fighting crime. What’s different about Stephen Tully Dierks fighting crime in New York City versus Chicago is there are a lot more 24-hour places to get food than Chicago. So Stephen Tully Dierks hasn’t gotten tired as easily and hasn’t fought crime for like half an hour before spending the rest of the night checking Facebook. 

                Pop Serial is perhaps the greatest thing Stephen Tully Dierks has ever done, including his crime-fighting capabilities. While it probably is all great to save cats from trees and let drunk people in Brooklyn know if the L train is running, Stephen Tully Dierks knows he was destined for greater things. Those things come in a variety of shapes and sizes. For the fifth installment of Pop Serial, there are a few rarely seen creatures. Additionally there is a text message that shows how texting is about to become a new celebrated form of literature. 

                All this and more will be revealed in deep-ass coverage beginning next week. People who are not ready, those heads that are not ready, well they better get ready. They better gather the damned family around the laptop and feel the warming glow of its pixelated messages for the whole world to see.

Pop Serial 5

               Pop Serial 5 has taken a while to arrive to digital shores. The World Wide Web is a hard thing to surf now that it has become so gigantic. Serious-ass effort went into making Pop Serial 5. Stephen Tully Dierks one of the hardest twerking members of Alt Lit, spent a great deal of time putting together some of his favorite writers to make the entire thing rather ‘legit’. But what Pop Serial 5 does is what no Pop Serial did before. For one Pop Serial ended up co-branding with a cereal and with Rice Krispies treats. Previously Pop Serial stuck with Rice Krispies never going as far as the actual treat. Yeah things certainly have changed for the stranger. 

                2014 has been a crazy year for Stephen Tully Dierks as he has continued to live the Vida Loca right down in the boogie-down Bushwick. His previous residential location in Chicago seems to have been relatively good. Bushwick is better however via the Brooklyn lifestyle. Plenty of art kids live in Bushwick, even some non-art kids, just kids hoping the art rubs off on them and makes them cool. This phenomenon explains how all those stock brokers moved into gleaming glass towers in Williamsburg just to call themselves hipsters. 

                But this is not a blog post about gentrification this is a blog post about Pop Serial 5, the fifth Pop Serial to enter homes across the great US of A. Stephen Tully Dierks is selling physical copies of them via the Internet, because honestly, if it isn’t online then it isn’t Alt Lit. Alt Lit lives online. Whatever literature lives offline is probably pretty tame, or is waiting to be translated into online format. Every purchase of a physical edition of Pop Serial does not help Stephen Tully Dierks at all since his profit margin is zero (printed on demand). 

                Stephen Michael McDowell (Alt Lit loves people named Stephen with three names) is going to create the online version of Pop Serial 5 though you can technically read it via the Magic Cloud thing. When that happens there will be the kind of Beach Sloth Blog Post never seen before, besides those other times. Beach Sloth is a big fan of Pop Serial in all its forms whether it is some re-blogging Tumblr or that critically acclaimed edition. Honestly a lot of people never expected to see the new Pop Serial 5 make it to their illuminated glowing computer screens. Thankfully this is happening, via the LCD Soundsystem and its final, third farewell album. Pop Serial 5 is simply the beginning of a whole new era, of one where Alt Lit gets mocked in better and better publications, from Vice Magazine to the New York Times.

I remember climbing into the bush in Central Park… by Stephen Tully Dierks

                Tourists love seeing people cry when they go to New York City. Lots of hope comes pumping out of New York City’s heart. Every day the heart of the city pumps in millions upon millions of individuals from all over the world. For a while they feel the magic of the place and proclaim they want to stay there forever. Due to their short stay they fail to see the sadness beneath it all the sadness that makes the happiness possible. New York City is emotionally complex; it is a place of hope despair and many more contradictory statements. 

                Nostalgia is a must for New York City. Such history leads to such nostalgia. Plenty of rules regulate the old and new within the City as things grow up ever larger. Rent control, old homes, mazes of streets, these are the things that make New York City possible. From the heavens the nostalgia of New York City lands on people. Usually it is soot but sometimes it is something more. Magic within that soot is enough to convince people to stop showering and start rolling around in the dirt. 

                Digital correspondence is the new love letter. Years of emails have created beautiful things the kind of things that are stored away forever in folders. These folders are rarely ever seen again. It hurts to see the folders containing friends that sort of fall away. Maybe nothing bad happened. Maybe time simply passed and the sea of humanity set them apart. Whatever happened means is no going back to the togetherness that defined the lives. Pangea used to be a super continent a thing that enjoyed being together. With time the super continent floated away from itself to become individuals. 

                People would give anything to be that happy again. This is a typical response for anyone who wonders what their life must hold. Usually the life does not hold much. Death is a thing that gets feared a whole lot more than life. Yet life is what people have control over. Every decision is not impulse but a conditioned response. A breakup happens and the individuals know how to act. They pine for each other hoping to get themselves back together. Sometimes that actually happens and the problems are solved. More frequently the problems are the same and the attitudes are the same. They drift away are sad for a while then their lives become okay gradually over time.

The Sad Cycle by Liz Bowen

                The Sad Cycle gets broken. When that happens is anybody’s guess. Unfortunately anybody’s guess tends to be wrong. Deep in a sad cycle it seems impossible to break it. Life is cyclical. Even a sad cycle ends eventually. Causes for a sad cycle vary. No two are the same. 

                Misery loves company. Misery communicates with other misery. Texting allows for misery to keep up to date on other misery. If it seems terrible that misery hangs out together it should not. People need each other during the dark moments. Handling depression ‘alone’ is never a good idea. Getting bummed out is awful. Getting bummed out with a friend makes it easier. Friends are there to talk it through to try and sympathize with what a person goes through on a problem to problem basis. Worrying about bumming others out really should never be a worry. 

                Life can be incredibly difficult at time. The sadness can reinforce itself getting stronger with every defeat. Depression does that compounds sadness with interest. Economics certainly has a lot to do with sadness. Jobs are tough to get and to do every single day. Long ago people didn’t work as hard hence the sin of sloth for laziness. Hours simply were given over to the people instead of taken away. At times the world can seem to be a sad world. Problems run amok run marathons win awards for their persistence. With such problems it can seem insurmountable to overcome. However it is possible to overcome the sad cycle. 

                Since the sad cycle is a wheel it turns however slowly. With the passage of time the sad cycle goes further away. Difficulties seem less difficult without the gray clouds hanging overhead. Like any weather patterns the gray skies last a while. Maybe it lasts a couple of days, a week, a month, maybe even a season. Eventually the sad cycle ends and it is hard to pinpoint the exact moment it ends. 

                Happiness feels much better when people remember the terrible sad times. Without sadness there never would be the appreciation of happiness. The pursuit of happiness takes a large amount of effort and the moments of happiness are cherished forever. Sadness might blur the happy memories away but it can never fully remove them. The battle to defeat the sad cycle takes a lifetime. Moments of incredible despair mean the sad cycle is in force and the best way to turn the sad cycle around is to have friends help turn it around. Even talking can be more than enough. Misery loves company misery needs company.

The Sad Cycle by Liz Bowen

                The Sad Cycle gets broken. When that happens is anybody’s guess. Unfortunately anybody’s guess tends to be wrong. Deep in a sad cycle it seems impossible to break it. Life is cyclical. Even a sad cycle ends eventually. Causes for a sad cycle vary. No two are the same. 

                Misery loves company. Misery communicates with other misery. Texting allows for misery to keep up to date on other misery. If it seems terrible that misery hangs out together it should not. People need each other during the dark moments. Handling depression ‘alone’ is never a good idea. Getting bummed out is awful. Getting bummed out with a friend makes it easier. Friends are there to talk it through to try and sympathize with what a person goes through on a problem to problem basis. Worrying about bumming others out really should never be a worry. 

                Life can be incredibly difficult at time. The sadness can reinforce itself getting stronger with every defeat. Depression does that compounds sadness with interest. Economics certainly has a lot to do with sadness. Jobs are tough to get and to do every single day. Long ago people didn’t work as hard hence the sin of sloth for laziness. Hours simply were given over to the people instead of taken away. At times the world can seem to be a sad world. Problems run amok run marathons win awards for their persistence. With such problems it can seem insurmountable to overcome. However it is possible to overcome the sad cycle. 

                Since the sad cycle is a wheel it turns however slowly. With the passage of time the sad cycle goes further away. Difficulties seem less difficult without the gray clouds hanging overhead. Like any weather patterns the gray skies last a while. Maybe it lasts a couple of days, a week, a month, maybe even a season. Eventually the sad cycle ends and it is hard to pinpoint the exact moment it ends. 

                Happiness feels much better when people remember the terrible sad times. Without sadness there never would be the appreciation of happiness. The pursuit of happiness takes a large amount of effort and the moments of happiness are cherished forever. Sadness might blur the happy memories away but it can never fully remove them. The battle to defeat the sad cycle takes a lifetime. Moments of incredible despair mean the sad cycle is in force and the best way to turn the sad cycle around is to have friends help turn it around. Even talking can be more than enough. Misery loves company misery needs company.


Your Only References Are “Entourage” and Jury Duty by Eric Nelson
                Jury duty is a tough job and nobody wants to do it. Why be responsible for jury duty at such a low rate if justice is considered so just? People ought to get paid more for jury duty since it essentially wastes the time of all involved. An entire industry revolves around the jury duty and its necessary function in the world. Lawyers, judges, criminals, they work together to make the world a place. What kind of place that is really depends on perspective. 

                People show up late for jury duty all the time. Rarely are juries brought to hip areas. Typically a jury finds itself having absolutely nothing in common. Few friends are made on a jury. With the incredible boredom that is a court case time appears to show down. Anybody who has gone through jury duty is aware, highly aware, of the slowing down of time. Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” refers to this slowing process of watching time dissolve into molasses and molasses being used to make vaguely unappetizing candy. That is the way the world works. 

                Thoughts race through the heads of members of the jury. All of them are trying to think of things, entertaining enough things to keep their minds occupied during the terrible ordeal. Whether or not a person did it is of little consequence most of the time. By the time the crime happened it is already too late. Society feels the need to punish someone, anyone, because that is the thing that feels good. Law and Order is considerably less interesting off screen than on screen. Deep in the jury nobody ever jogs by and sees a body. Things like that simply do not happen in the real world.

                Lives are held up by jury duty. Work is ignored. People are forced to simply put everything on hold while they try to judge. Questions are asked of members of the jury to determine whether or not they are suitable. Many years ago these questions were relevant. Now the questions asked are such nonsensical things as 

                “Do cops lie?” (Spoiler Alert: the answer is yes. Everybody lies.)

                “Do you think you would have a problem serving on this jury?” (Spoiler Alert: the answer is yes, there are lots of problems in the world, pick one).

                What can people do to handle jury duty? The best thing is to simply try to get off jury duty. Misanthropes have a lot to teach about the ways of getting off jury duty Scott-free.

Your Only References Are “Entourage” and Jury Duty by Eric Nelson

                Jury duty is a tough job and nobody wants to do it. Why be responsible for jury duty at such a low rate if justice is considered so just? People ought to get paid more for jury duty since it essentially wastes the time of all involved. An entire industry revolves around the jury duty and its necessary function in the world. Lawyers, judges, criminals, they work together to make the world a place. What kind of place that is really depends on perspective. 

                People show up late for jury duty all the time. Rarely are juries brought to hip areas. Typically a jury finds itself having absolutely nothing in common. Few friends are made on a jury. With the incredible boredom that is a court case time appears to show down. Anybody who has gone through jury duty is aware, highly aware, of the slowing down of time. Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” refers to this slowing process of watching time dissolve into molasses and molasses being used to make vaguely unappetizing candy. That is the way the world works. 

                Thoughts race through the heads of members of the jury. All of them are trying to think of things, entertaining enough things to keep their minds occupied during the terrible ordeal. Whether or not a person did it is of little consequence most of the time. By the time the crime happened it is already too late. Society feels the need to punish someone, anyone, because that is the thing that feels good. Law and Order is considerably less interesting off screen than on screen. Deep in the jury nobody ever jogs by and sees a body. Things like that simply do not happen in the real world.

                Lives are held up by jury duty. Work is ignored. People are forced to simply put everything on hold while they try to judge. Questions are asked of members of the jury to determine whether or not they are suitable. Many years ago these questions were relevant. Now the questions asked are such nonsensical things as 

                “Do cops lie?” (Spoiler Alert: the answer is yes. Everybody lies.)

                “Do you think you would have a problem serving on this jury?” (Spoiler Alert: the answer is yes, there are lots of problems in the world, pick one).

                What can people do to handle jury duty? The best thing is to simply try to get off jury duty. Misanthropes have a lot to teach about the ways of getting off jury duty Scott-free.

Pop Serial 5: A Cover


                A lot of people might say not to judge a book by its cover. Of course they never saw PDFs. Unfortunately unlike a vast majority of books PDF covers tend to fall under the ‘here’s some text, enjoy’ variety. Stephen Tully Dierks goes beyond that preconception to conceive true beauty for his fifth collection dedicated to that lovable 80s robot, Johnny 5. Yes millions remember the antics of that crazed robot living in 1980s New York City. Thankfully there is a Wisconsin born and bred native who wants to see Johnny 5 celebrated in a way befitting his sense of style. 

                Plenty of people come together every year to make Pop Serial a thing. Literally tens of writers put together their goods upon solicitation from the ever-affable Stephen Tully Dierks. Few realize that STD stands for more than ‘Sexually Transmitted Disease’. Beach Sloth knows STD as Stephen Tully Dierks as Stephen Tully Dierks infected Beach Sloth’s heart, with love. Every few days Beach Sloth needs to take antibiotics because STD truly lives inside the heart of the sloth. Beach Sloth spends an entire week reviewing the joyous Pop Serial event once a year. 

                When Pop Serial comes out Beach Sloth brings the blogging skills necessary to accurately capture what dwells between those digital pages. New writers appear in Pop Serial with stunning regularity. A few stalwarts stand by waiting to contribute a piece to what has become an affair to remember. Throughout STD’s illuminated life he has managed to keep Pop Serial going strong all day long. Every gosh-darn day Stephen Tully Dierks presses ‘re-blog’ and suddenly his blog has hundreds of pages of re-blogs. Yes few have the tenacity to do what Stephen Tully Dierks does, going around the country, moving from Madison, WI, to Chicago, IL, to his current home of New York, NY. 

                Is the future sweet for Stephen Tully Dierks? The future seems tweet for Stephen Tully Dierks and his merry band of Pop Serial staff. Work for this year’s Pop Serial includes help from such hard-ass hitting players like Tao Lin (of Tao Lin fame), Cameron Pierce (of Cameron Pierce fame) and Blaise Larmee (of hardcore motherfucking fame). Yes Pop Serial 5 is going to be the kind of event that requires a reader to sit down, because they are going to need to stand up later. Pop Serial 5 is going to bring literally millions of Americans together to gather together around a laptop’s greeting glow. Get ready. Pop Serial 5 is happening.

Pop Serial 5: A Cover

                A lot of people might say not to judge a book by its cover. Of course they never saw PDFs. Unfortunately unlike a vast majority of books PDF covers tend to fall under the ‘here’s some text, enjoy’ variety. Stephen Tully Dierks goes beyond that preconception to conceive true beauty for his fifth collection dedicated to that lovable 80s robot, Johnny 5. Yes millions remember the antics of that crazed robot living in 1980s New York City. Thankfully there is a Wisconsin born and bred native who wants to see Johnny 5 celebrated in a way befitting his sense of style. 

                Plenty of people come together every year to make Pop Serial a thing. Literally tens of writers put together their goods upon solicitation from the ever-affable Stephen Tully Dierks. Few realize that STD stands for more than ‘Sexually Transmitted Disease’. Beach Sloth knows STD as Stephen Tully Dierks as Stephen Tully Dierks infected Beach Sloth’s heart, with love. Every few days Beach Sloth needs to take antibiotics because STD truly lives inside the heart of the sloth. Beach Sloth spends an entire week reviewing the joyous Pop Serial event once a year. 

                When Pop Serial comes out Beach Sloth brings the blogging skills necessary to accurately capture what dwells between those digital pages. New writers appear in Pop Serial with stunning regularity. A few stalwarts stand by waiting to contribute a piece to what has become an affair to remember. Throughout STD’s illuminated life he has managed to keep Pop Serial going strong all day long. Every gosh-darn day Stephen Tully Dierks presses ‘re-blog’ and suddenly his blog has hundreds of pages of re-blogs. Yes few have the tenacity to do what Stephen Tully Dierks does, going around the country, moving from Madison, WI, to Chicago, IL, to his current home of New York, NY. 

                Is the future sweet for Stephen Tully Dierks? The future seems tweet for Stephen Tully Dierks and his merry band of Pop Serial staff. Work for this year’s Pop Serial includes help from such hard-ass hitting players like Tao Lin (of Tao Lin fame), Cameron Pierce (of Cameron Pierce fame) and Blaise Larmee (of hardcore motherfucking fame). Yes Pop Serial 5 is going to be the kind of event that requires a reader to sit down, because they are going to need to stand up later. Pop Serial 5 is going to bring literally millions of Americans together to gather together around a laptop’s greeting glow. Get ready. Pop Serial 5 is happening.

Blackmail Series 2

                Blackmail Series knows what you did. For a price Blackmail Series is willing to keep this quiet. You are going to have to pay a pretty penny for this silence. Typically Blackmail Series likes really pretty pennies the kind that shine in the sun. You will need to payoff Blackmail Series about 1,000,000 pennies in change. While you might think this is a lot you forget what you did, who was hurt, what you exploded, and how you were exposed. The good people behind the Blackmail Series agree you look better fully exposed. Obviously their temptation to reveal you is high for you are quite attractive. Ultimately however Blackmail Series wants to host a few shows and your silence money makes it possible. 

                Eric Nelson starts off the magical, borderline mystical night serving as a Shaman rather than as a host. Anybody can be a host. To really pull off a successful reading one must transform the reading space into a sweat lodge. Yes there is money in sweat, literally millions of dollars. People sell sweat for money. The lavish luxurious lifestyle of Eric Nelson would not be possible without his extensive sweat collection that has been auctioned away at Sotheby’s. 

                Anna Kamerer is one of those artists who excel at knocking the viewer’s socks off. During the summer this is a far less impressive trick. For the winter where everybody is busy getting bundled up it is quite a feat. Her reading is bound to shock and awe people in unequal doses because it is ever so tricky to get the dosage right. 

                Jacob Perkins remains the hairball of Alt Lit. Unlike other Alt Lit writers who possess a fair amount of hair Jacob Perkins possesses an unreasonable amount of hair. Across the universe people ask themselves “What would a clean shaven Jacob Perkins look like?” This reading will not answer this question at all. Besides growing hair on his body Jacob Perkins is also a successful writer. 

                Stephen Tully Dierks has the initial ‘STD’. Lesser artists would be stopped due to this series of unfortunate letters. Nothing stops Stephen Tully Dierks for he is a brick house; he’s mighty mighty, just letting it all hang out. Stephen Tully Dierks ekes out of a living as an artist in the surprising geographic locale of Brooklyn. Few artists ever locate to Brooklyn, preferring the Hipster haven of Staten Island with its lush green fields and regal orange painted ferries. 

                Monica McClure finishes off the evening with her collected tales of being a structural engineer. According to her elegant Twitter she is currently working on building a levee. With this levee she will help the island of Manhattan withstand ferocious waves from the violent Atlantic Ocean, an ocean that pines for the destruction of Manhattan. Ever since the Atlantic Ocean got priced out of Manhattan and moved to Astoria with a former college roommate it has yearned to destroy Manhattan. 

                Yes this is going to be the night to remember. Blackmail Series says so.

liefplus
liefplus:

IRL FEST is New Year’s Eve in Brooklyn!!! there will be (1) a Pop Serial reading featuring Steve Roggenbuck, Crispin Best, Mira Gonzalez, Guillaume Morissette, Spencer Madsen, Ashley Opheim, Heiko Julien, and Maggie Lee, hosted by Stephen Tully Dierks; (2) an IRL presentation of the Alt Lit Gossip Awards, hosted by Steve Roggenbuck; (3) an IRL presentation of the Beachys, hosted by Steve Roggenbuck; (4) HUGGING. Check out the Facebook event for IRL FEST

                The end of the world requires an immense celebration. Alt lit heard the cry of thousands of people across the world and said ‘Yes we will be together for New Year’s Eve, on the edge of a new dawn’. People from across the globe and the Tri-State area will come together for something very grand: the second annual Alt Lit Gossip Awards and second annual ‘Beachies’. People are beyond excited; they don’t know where to begin. For these awards ceremonies, whose prizes pay nothing like alt lit in general, bring great things to light. Some of alt lit works so danged hard too. It is about time it gets celebrated in whatever way is possible. 

                Many wanted the alt lit gossip awards (or ‘alties’) to be hosted in Chicago, alt lit’s previous capital. While there are plenty of outstanding alt lit writers in Chicago (more than can be counted on one, nay two hands) there is a major problem with Chicago. Chicago blows hence the title ‘the windy city’. This isn’t anybody’s fault. Geography makes it impossible to host such a thing in Chicago. Chicago has been exporting writers. Recently one Stephen Tully Dierks of the ‘Dierks-life’ has migrated over to the beautiful shores of the East Coast, living permanently in New York City. What will Stephen Tully Dierks do in New York City? Well with the help of Stephen Tully Dierks New York City will consume just a little more alcohol and have one more hip twenty-something to call its own. Plus earlier this year New York City gained the ravishing beauty of one Marie Calloway, pickle firmly in mouth (this is not a metaphor, Marie really love pickles apparently). 

                Hence these events celebrate the beauty of more and more writers coming over to the Eastern Shore of the United States. These celebrations bring countable numbers of alt lit writers many of whom are meeting for the first time. For part of the joy of alt lit is bringing people together. On the internet everyone is the same. In that way the internet is the great equalizer. The internet makes everyone equal. It is up to the user to strive for greatness, to give up on real life in exchange for the lucrative internet life. What these awards do is award those willing to improve the internet for better and alter. 

                Who will win an alt lit gossip award? It is hard to say. So many categories, so many contestants, so little time. The Beachies know everybody is a winner in their own special way but only a certain amount of people can be nominated. Who will win a Beachie? The world may never know, at least for a week and a half.

liefplus:

IRL FEST is New Year’s Eve in Brooklyn!!! there will be (1) a Pop Serial reading featuring Steve Roggenbuck, Crispin Best, Mira Gonzalez, Guillaume Morissette, Spencer Madsen, Ashley Opheim, Heiko Julien, and Maggie Lee, hosted by Stephen Tully Dierks; (2) an IRL presentation of the Alt Lit Gossip Awards, hosted by Steve Roggenbuck; (3) an IRL presentation of the Beachys, hosted by Steve Roggenbuck; (4) HUGGING. Check out the Facebook event for IRL FEST

                The end of the world requires an immense celebration. Alt lit heard the cry of thousands of people across the world and said ‘Yes we will be together for New Year’s Eve, on the edge of a new dawn’. People from across the globe and the Tri-State area will come together for something very grand: the second annual Alt Lit Gossip Awards and second annual ‘Beachies’. People are beyond excited; they don’t know where to begin. For these awards ceremonies, whose prizes pay nothing like alt lit in general, bring great things to light. Some of alt lit works so danged hard too. It is about time it gets celebrated in whatever way is possible. 

                Many wanted the alt lit gossip awards (or ‘alties’) to be hosted in Chicago, alt lit’s previous capital. While there are plenty of outstanding alt lit writers in Chicago (more than can be counted on one, nay two hands) there is a major problem with Chicago. Chicago blows hence the title ‘the windy city’. This isn’t anybody’s fault. Geography makes it impossible to host such a thing in Chicago. Chicago has been exporting writers. Recently one Stephen Tully Dierks of the ‘Dierks-life’ has migrated over to the beautiful shores of the East Coast, living permanently in New York City. What will Stephen Tully Dierks do in New York City? Well with the help of Stephen Tully Dierks New York City will consume just a little more alcohol and have one more hip twenty-something to call its own. Plus earlier this year New York City gained the ravishing beauty of one Marie Calloway, pickle firmly in mouth (this is not a metaphor, Marie really love pickles apparently). 

                Hence these events celebrate the beauty of more and more writers coming over to the Eastern Shore of the United States. These celebrations bring countable numbers of alt lit writers many of whom are meeting for the first time. For part of the joy of alt lit is bringing people together. On the internet everyone is the same. In that way the internet is the great equalizer. The internet makes everyone equal. It is up to the user to strive for greatness, to give up on real life in exchange for the lucrative internet life. What these awards do is award those willing to improve the internet for better and alter. 

                Who will win an alt lit gossip award? It is hard to say. So many categories, so many contestants, so little time. The Beachies know everybody is a winner in their own special way but only a certain amount of people can be nominated. Who will win a Beachie? The world may never know, at least for a week and a half.



Spencer Madsen


                Recently Spencer Madsen let go the biggest part of him. Nope it isn’t his world renowned infinite depression. The website, SpencerMadsen.com has gone off to that big cloud in the cloud. Yes his site has been repossessed. Many thought Spencer let this go because he is sad and doesn’t care about anything besides sadness. “Just be patient and you’ll die eventually” Spencer’s forthcoming book, shows his continued devotion to sadness. In a world where Spencer lacks a girlfriend his sadness is that girlfriend. When Spencer Madsen goes to sleep he does not sleep alone. Next to him is a beautiful imagined girlfriend named ‘seems bleak’ that appears to be very bleak and very fictional. 

                 In a recent tweet Spencer asked for $100 to renew his website. Unfortunately the $100 never materialized. This is sad. Hope nobody asks “Spencer, you mad son?” about the loss of his website. Millions remember Spencer’s beautiful website. Every night people would dream about the all-encompassing beauty of Spencer’s web presence, from his sad Facebook to his sad Twitter to his sad Tumblr to his happy Pinterest. Yes it all came together into a neat-ass little package online for mere pennies a day. However those pennies had to run out at some point. 

                Where will Spencer Madsen go from here? He keeps people abreast of his daily activities. Sometimes he wonders aloud whether or not he will masturbate like on July 15th. Spencer Madsen needs to gain up the courage to stroke it. This is particularly troubling. Millions of young, virile Americans jerk it each and every day. It isn’t merely an American thing. Internationally masturbation is recognized the best way to end war. For if everybody decided to jerk it at home and take a nap afterwards 80% of all fighting could be eliminated. 

                Pop Serial has decided to include Spencer Madsen’s work into its world-ass renowned publication. While some remain worried about the artistic direction of Pop Serial most acknowledge that this Pop Serial will be the best. For one Spencer Madsen can use it as a way of properly acknowledging the death of his website, a blow akin to losing one’s job. Stephen Tully Dierks can use Pop Serial as a way of putting his energy into something besides work, as he remains extremely unemployed. Indeed this is a rough year for many members of alt lit. Where will alt lit get money from if not work?

                Can Spencer Madsen ever regain control of his lovely website? Or will it forever display that cryptic message of “Welcome to 37.222.196.19-02!” Spencer Madsen may have deliberately decided such a method might have been ‘on brand’. With no web presence left to lose or even maintain perhaps Spencer Madsen will come up with his greatest artistic statement yet.

Spencer Madsen

                Recently Spencer Madsen let go the biggest part of him. Nope it isn’t his world renowned infinite depression. The website, SpencerMadsen.com has gone off to that big cloud in the cloud. Yes his site has been repossessed. Many thought Spencer let this go because he is sad and doesn’t care about anything besides sadness. “Just be patient and you’ll die eventually” Spencer’s forthcoming book, shows his continued devotion to sadness. In a world where Spencer lacks a girlfriend his sadness is that girlfriend. When Spencer Madsen goes to sleep he does not sleep alone. Next to him is a beautiful imagined girlfriend named ‘seems bleak’ that appears to be very bleak and very fictional. 

                 In a recent tweet Spencer asked for $100 to renew his website. Unfortunately the $100 never materialized. This is sad. Hope nobody asks “Spencer, you mad son?” about the loss of his website. Millions remember Spencer’s beautiful website. Every night people would dream about the all-encompassing beauty of Spencer’s web presence, from his sad Facebook to his sad Twitter to his sad Tumblr to his happy Pinterest. Yes it all came together into a neat-ass little package online for mere pennies a day. However those pennies had to run out at some point. 

                Where will Spencer Madsen go from here? He keeps people abreast of his daily activities. Sometimes he wonders aloud whether or not he will masturbate like on July 15th. Spencer Madsen needs to gain up the courage to stroke it. This is particularly troubling. Millions of young, virile Americans jerk it each and every day. It isn’t merely an American thing. Internationally masturbation is recognized the best way to end war. For if everybody decided to jerk it at home and take a nap afterwards 80% of all fighting could be eliminated. 

                Pop Serial has decided to include Spencer Madsen’s work into its world-ass renowned publication. While some remain worried about the artistic direction of Pop Serial most acknowledge that this Pop Serial will be the best. For one Spencer Madsen can use it as a way of properly acknowledging the death of his website, a blow akin to losing one’s job. Stephen Tully Dierks can use Pop Serial as a way of putting his energy into something besides work, as he remains extremely unemployed. Indeed this is a rough year for many members of alt lit. Where will alt lit get money from if not work?

                Can Spencer Madsen ever regain control of his lovely website? Or will it forever display that cryptic message of “Welcome to 37.222.196.19-02!” Spencer Madsen may have deliberately decided such a method might have been ‘on brand’. With no web presence left to lose or even maintain perhaps Spencer Madsen will come up with his greatest artistic statement yet.



Illuminati Power Hour 23


                Halloween comes once a year. Steve Roggenbuck is satanic. Together the two form an unstoppable duo. On Halloween or All Hallows Eve, Steve will run through the neighborhood of America. Upon countless doorsteps will be countless snacks better known as candy. Steve will have more than enough candy for the special once in a year celebration.

                Rents are discussed. Life is expensive. Stephen Tully Dierks lives for cheap. This helps Stephen. Stephen has no job. For anybody with a ‘vacancy’ hire Stephen. He’s a chill bro. He works hard. Check out the Pop Serial Tumblr. That is hard work. Re-blogging things are not easy. Mastery of the re-blogging skill is difficult. How Stephen does it is remarkable. He eats tree branches and the occasional can of soup. Help out Stephen. 

                Jack Gooding returns. The wolf mask is back. Lately Jack has been going to school. Fortunately his major is in being a wolf. To this extent Jack Gooding is doing quite well. People love Jack. Everybody needs Jack. His return is greatly appreciated. Steve laughs whole-heartedly thanks to the power of Jack’s expression-filled mask. Is Jack’s masking the mask of all of the UK? Nobody in the UK has a mask on par with Jack’s eerie silence. 

                Steve remembers the 90s. Robin Williams ruled the 90s. Various bands rocked. Dave Matthews Band, No Scrubs, etc. are all from the late 90s. The 90s were a great time. Back then America was a lot chiller. Presidents got seriously lazy. Everyone was delighted. Then what happened was the ‘EMO’ decade aka the Bush years. Bush ruined everything. Sometimes people wonder why Bush was even allowed to be so unchill and his unchillness got re-elected. Life is bleak. In fact it is so bleak Steve spanks Stephen. Yes they are close. 

                Movie talk takes up a lot of those movies. ‘Jurassic Park’ and ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ should have been one movie according to Steve Roggenbuck. What kind of movie would that be? Dinosaurs are a huge part of the 90s. Most childhoods involve dinosaurs. Parents tell their kids about dinosaurs so they seem cute. However the darker side of dinosaurs is to remind children of their own mortality. Every child realizes their time on Earth is limited when they hear dinosaurs have died. 

                Humor is a strange thing. Many fail to understand the Beach Sloth brand of humor. Tongue-in-cheek, bizarre, surreal, oftentimes nonsensical, it tries to warm the hearts of people all across the world. People love this stuff. Another thing people like too is the Twitter thing. What the most popular favorite tweet in the whole world (with 28,000 favorites) is ‘Never Be Afraid’ from the Red Bull Guy. According to Stephen Tully Dierks this is ‘bullshit’. 

                A rare reading happens. Heiko reads his upcoming book in Pop Serial. No one has ever heard this read before. Only Stephen Tully Dierks has seen it. Yet even he, in spite of his extreme coolness, never bothered to ask Heiko to read it. A hoodie holds Heiko together. The chatroom sits silently waiting for him to finish. Upon completion the chat goes wild probably. 

                I appear on cam. Of course no one can see me. I talk slowly. I’m a sloth. Steve Roggenbuck may or may not get a tattoo of me on his face. The contender “Steve Johnny is the Johnny Appleseed of Alt Lit”. Yep that’s a winner. On cam I talk about my kids. My kids are beautiful. I love them. But they can’t pick beets that well. And they can’t tweet that well. No worries though my kids seem chill.

                Stephen Tully Dierks jerks it. Every day he has a box of tissues and moisturizer right in an important part of his room. Masturbation station is where Mr. Dierks gets his ‘jerk on’ via the jerk off lifestyle. People in the chat are happy that Stephen jerks it. When Dierks is not busy understanding experimental literature he jerks off to experimental porn. In experimental porn the view wonders ‘Is this even hot? Does it even matter?’ Thankfully Dierks for all his bro-ness has never been a true bro. 

                Steve Roggenbuck is the D’angelo of alt lit. The chat goes wild. Is Steve Roggenbuck the sex symbol of alt lit? Has Steve Roggenbuck finally surpassed Tao Lin in sexiness? Most indicators state ‘yes’. Everyone thinks yes. Ever since Steve Roggenbuck began his trip across this great-ass country of America people have swooned for him. Does this happen for anonymous blogging bros? No it doesn’t. Few are attracted to anonymous alt lit bros. 

                The Three Keys of Being ‘Truly Alt Lit’
1.       Get mentioned by Beach Sloth
2.       Get an email from Peterbd
3.       Get a butt/other explicit pic from Jacob Steinberg 

This is how alt lit works. After these three main steps nothing else matters. Writing, that’s silly, tweeting, perhaps, but the above three, yeah that’s important as heck. Is this collection ever going to change? Probably not, people seem to enjoy Peterbd’s emails and Jacob Steinberg’s beautiful pieces. Yes Jacob’s new Cityscapes gets read by Alexander Allison is read to bring a beautiful conclusion to the night. And thus it ends with the British alt lit contingent.

Illuminati Power Hour 23

                Halloween comes once a year. Steve Roggenbuck is satanic. Together the two form an unstoppable duo. On Halloween or All Hallows Eve, Steve will run through the neighborhood of America. Upon countless doorsteps will be countless snacks better known as candy. Steve will have more than enough candy for the special once in a year celebration.

                Rents are discussed. Life is expensive. Stephen Tully Dierks lives for cheap. This helps Stephen. Stephen has no job. For anybody with a ‘vacancy’ hire Stephen. He’s a chill bro. He works hard. Check out the Pop Serial Tumblr. That is hard work. Re-blogging things are not easy. Mastery of the re-blogging skill is difficult. How Stephen does it is remarkable. He eats tree branches and the occasional can of soup. Help out Stephen. 

                Jack Gooding returns. The wolf mask is back. Lately Jack has been going to school. Fortunately his major is in being a wolf. To this extent Jack Gooding is doing quite well. People love Jack. Everybody needs Jack. His return is greatly appreciated. Steve laughs whole-heartedly thanks to the power of Jack’s expression-filled mask. Is Jack’s masking the mask of all of the UK? Nobody in the UK has a mask on par with Jack’s eerie silence. 

                Steve remembers the 90s. Robin Williams ruled the 90s. Various bands rocked. Dave Matthews Band, No Scrubs, etc. are all from the late 90s. The 90s were a great time. Back then America was a lot chiller. Presidents got seriously lazy. Everyone was delighted. Then what happened was the ‘EMO’ decade aka the Bush years. Bush ruined everything. Sometimes people wonder why Bush was even allowed to be so unchill and his unchillness got re-elected. Life is bleak. In fact it is so bleak Steve spanks Stephen. Yes they are close. 

                Movie talk takes up a lot of those movies. ‘Jurassic Park’ and ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ should have been one movie according to Steve Roggenbuck. What kind of movie would that be? Dinosaurs are a huge part of the 90s. Most childhoods involve dinosaurs. Parents tell their kids about dinosaurs so they seem cute. However the darker side of dinosaurs is to remind children of their own mortality. Every child realizes their time on Earth is limited when they hear dinosaurs have died. 

                Humor is a strange thing. Many fail to understand the Beach Sloth brand of humor. Tongue-in-cheek, bizarre, surreal, oftentimes nonsensical, it tries to warm the hearts of people all across the world. People love this stuff. Another thing people like too is the Twitter thing. What the most popular favorite tweet in the whole world (with 28,000 favorites) is ‘Never Be Afraid’ from the Red Bull Guy. According to Stephen Tully Dierks this is ‘bullshit’. 

                A rare reading happens. Heiko reads his upcoming book in Pop Serial. No one has ever heard this read before. Only Stephen Tully Dierks has seen it. Yet even he, in spite of his extreme coolness, never bothered to ask Heiko to read it. A hoodie holds Heiko together. The chatroom sits silently waiting for him to finish. Upon completion the chat goes wild probably. 

                I appear on cam. Of course no one can see me. I talk slowly. I’m a sloth. Steve Roggenbuck may or may not get a tattoo of me on his face. The contender “Steve Johnny is the Johnny Appleseed of Alt Lit”. Yep that’s a winner. On cam I talk about my kids. My kids are beautiful. I love them. But they can’t pick beets that well. And they can’t tweet that well. No worries though my kids seem chill.

                Stephen Tully Dierks jerks it. Every day he has a box of tissues and moisturizer right in an important part of his room. Masturbation station is where Mr. Dierks gets his ‘jerk on’ via the jerk off lifestyle. People in the chat are happy that Stephen jerks it. When Dierks is not busy understanding experimental literature he jerks off to experimental porn. In experimental porn the view wonders ‘Is this even hot? Does it even matter?’ Thankfully Dierks for all his bro-ness has never been a true bro. 

                Steve Roggenbuck is the D’angelo of alt lit. The chat goes wild. Is Steve Roggenbuck the sex symbol of alt lit? Has Steve Roggenbuck finally surpassed Tao Lin in sexiness? Most indicators state ‘yes’. Everyone thinks yes. Ever since Steve Roggenbuck began his trip across this great-ass country of America people have swooned for him. Does this happen for anonymous blogging bros? No it doesn’t. Few are attracted to anonymous alt lit bros. 

                The Three Keys of Being ‘Truly Alt Lit’

1.       Get mentioned by Beach Sloth

2.       Get an email from Peterbd

3.       Get a butt/other explicit pic from Jacob Steinberg 

This is how alt lit works. After these three main steps nothing else matters. Writing, that’s silly, tweeting, perhaps, but the above three, yeah that’s important as heck. Is this collection ever going to change? Probably not, people seem to enjoy Peterbd’s emails and Jacob Steinberg’s beautiful pieces. Yes Jacob’s new Cityscapes gets read by Alexander Allison is read to bring a beautiful conclusion to the night. And thus it ends with the British alt lit contingent.