Illuminati Power Hour 23
Halloween comes once a year. Steve Roggenbuck is satanic. Together the two form an unstoppable duo. On Halloween or All Hallows Eve, Steve will run through the neighborhood of America. Upon countless doorsteps will be countless snacks better known as candy. Steve will have more than enough candy for the special once in a year celebration.
Rents are discussed. Life is expensive. Stephen Tully Dierks lives for cheap. This helps Stephen. Stephen has no job. For anybody with a ‘vacancy’ hire Stephen. He’s a chill bro. He works hard. Check out the Pop Serial Tumblr. That is hard work. Re-blogging things are not easy. Mastery of the re-blogging skill is difficult. How Stephen does it is remarkable. He eats tree branches and the occasional can of soup. Help out Stephen.
Jack Gooding returns. The wolf mask is back. Lately Jack has been going to school. Fortunately his major is in being a wolf. To this extent Jack Gooding is doing quite well. People love Jack. Everybody needs Jack. His return is greatly appreciated. Steve laughs whole-heartedly thanks to the power of Jack’s expression-filled mask. Is Jack’s masking the mask of all of the UK? Nobody in the UK has a mask on par with Jack’s eerie silence.
Steve remembers the 90s. Robin Williams ruled the 90s. Various bands rocked. Dave Matthews Band, No Scrubs, etc. are all from the late 90s. The 90s were a great time. Back then America was a lot chiller. Presidents got seriously lazy. Everyone was delighted. Then what happened was the ‘EMO’ decade aka the Bush years. Bush ruined everything. Sometimes people wonder why Bush was even allowed to be so unchill and his unchillness got re-elected. Life is bleak. In fact it is so bleak Steve spanks Stephen. Yes they are close.
Movie talk takes up a lot of those movies. ‘Jurassic Park’ and ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ should have been one movie according to Steve Roggenbuck. What kind of movie would that be? Dinosaurs are a huge part of the 90s. Most childhoods involve dinosaurs. Parents tell their kids about dinosaurs so they seem cute. However the darker side of dinosaurs is to remind children of their own mortality. Every child realizes their time on Earth is limited when they hear dinosaurs have died.
Humor is a strange thing. Many fail to understand the Beach Sloth brand of humor. Tongue-in-cheek, bizarre, surreal, oftentimes nonsensical, it tries to warm the hearts of people all across the world. People love this stuff. Another thing people like too is the Twitter thing. What the most popular favorite tweet in the whole world (with 28,000 favorites) is ‘Never Be Afraid’ from the Red Bull Guy. According to Stephen Tully Dierks this is ‘bullshit’.
A rare reading happens. Heiko reads his upcoming book in Pop Serial. No one has ever heard this read before. Only Stephen Tully Dierks has seen it. Yet even he, in spite of his extreme coolness, never bothered to ask Heiko to read it. A hoodie holds Heiko together. The chatroom sits silently waiting for him to finish. Upon completion the chat goes wild probably.
I appear on cam. Of course no one can see me. I talk slowly. I’m a sloth. Steve Roggenbuck may or may not get a tattoo of me on his face. The contender “Steve Johnny is the Johnny Appleseed of Alt Lit”. Yep that’s a winner. On cam I talk about my kids. My kids are beautiful. I love them. But they can’t pick beets that well. And they can’t tweet that well. No worries though my kids seem chill.
Stephen Tully Dierks jerks it. Every day he has a box of tissues and moisturizer right in an important part of his room. Masturbation station is where Mr. Dierks gets his ‘jerk on’ via the jerk off lifestyle. People in the chat are happy that Stephen jerks it. When Dierks is not busy understanding experimental literature he jerks off to experimental porn. In experimental porn the view wonders ‘Is this even hot? Does it even matter?’ Thankfully Dierks for all his bro-ness has never been a true bro.
Steve Roggenbuck is the D’angelo of alt lit. The chat goes wild. Is Steve Roggenbuck the sex symbol of alt lit? Has Steve Roggenbuck finally surpassed Tao Lin in sexiness? Most indicators state ‘yes’. Everyone thinks yes. Ever since Steve Roggenbuck began his trip across this great-ass country of America people have swooned for him. Does this happen for anonymous blogging bros? No it doesn’t. Few are attracted to anonymous alt lit bros.
The Three Keys of Being ‘Truly Alt Lit’
1. Get mentioned by Beach Sloth
2. Get an email from Peterbd
3. Get a butt/other explicit pic from Jacob Steinberg
This is how alt lit works. After these three main steps nothing else matters. Writing, that’s silly, tweeting, perhaps, but the above three, yeah that’s important as heck. Is this collection ever going to change? Probably not, people seem to enjoy Peterbd’s emails and Jacob Steinberg’s beautiful pieces. Yes Jacob’s new Cityscapes gets read by Alexander Allison is read to bring a beautiful conclusion to the night. And thus it ends with the British alt lit contingent.