I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE HELD CAPTIVE IN YOUR THOUGHT MENAGERIE! By Stephen Michael McDowell

                Stephen Michael McDowell is an infinite being. This is straight from the horse’s mouth. Yes it is true the rose has teeth in the mouth of the beast. Anybody who listens to Matmos knows that helpful tidbit of information. Getting over that is incredibly important. Infinity is a pretty long time. Whoever sees the infinite usually fails to comprehend it. Yes after a while the infinite can become mundane, even commonplace. Plenty of things happen in the universe every single moment. Most of those things are completely ignored. 

                Language enjoys making its presence felt. Such things are perfectly normal. Tragedy happens with the right language. Playwrights use the language in order to indicate sad experiences. What has the greatest power is the power of silence. Because of silence the words before gain deeper meaning. Anybody can use silence to their greatest advantage. In a normal day to day environment the power of silence gets underestimated and overused. Really the beauty of silence is seeing someone else’s ideas right in their eyes. That is the power of silence. Millions of words and emotions can be conveyed with the power of silence. 

                Time matters. Every time matters. Party time matters the most according to people who know. Universally the party time is acknowledged to be a time among friends. What better time to spend with friends than a time with pizza, soda, and other feel good foods. Downsides to party time include rapid weight gain, loss of equilibrium in certain scenarios, and missing out on the end of the universe. Nobody wants to miss the end of the universe but of people keep on partying one day the party will be held on the wrong day right when the sun gets big and eats up the planets. 

                Perhaps the most powerful emotion in the universe is love. Gravity is a form of love. Two bodies attracted to each other, orbiting. Planets orbit each other because they like flirting. Few planets ever take that flirting to the next level. Occasional pieces of space rock hit surfaces as little kisses from the heavens. Everybody finds it cute. A piece of interstellar rock hitting the Earth’s surface ought to be seen as a sign of affection. The universe is proud to have a vibrant planet like Earth to call its own. Thanks to Earth the universe can be aware of itself from its humble origins of the Big Bang.

Race by Stephen Michael McDowell

                The Internet serves as a super body bringing people out of shells. Long ago to be technologically savvy was a buzzword for socially isolated. Eventually this problem was overcome with countless ways to connect to others. Left alone for too long technology wanted to reach out to make friends. Socially it is working out the kinks working to bring everything together. 

                Everyone is part of a body whether or not they realize it. With over six billion individuals on the planet it is incredibly easy to forget how many of them came together to make life easier. Of course the tragedy of is how success is defined. Individuals who made the world a better place are those whose work became incredibly well-known and celebrated. 

                What is tragic is how the less-known or unknowns make life infinitely enjoyable for people. In a city that acknowledgment becomes harder to give. Service workers provide the world with everything that could ever be needed: food, products, nice smiles, their name placed on the bottom of receipts never really checked. Yet they make life better for anybody than any invention ever could. Many of the innovators of the world actually made life a bit scarier, almost terrifying in ways unforeseen at the beginning. 

                Independence is the reason given for the most popular forms of innovations. At the very beginning people thought cars were an unnecessary luxury. Millions of people die every year because they have places to get to and quickly. Nobody questions it. The innovation is accepted as fact, tested, given proper levels of testing to ensure everyone who is on the road should be on the road. Despite the massive trauma an innovation causes it is overwhelmingly accepted.

                At this point the Internet remains a brand new little baby still taking in everything. Like any newborn the Internet sees everything upside down. The world makes little sense on the Internet compared to reality. With every new innovation reality gets filtered into the online experience. People meet online. Given the right levels of technology people are able to filter their reality using literal filters from black, white, and grey to lo-fi extravagance. 

                Humanity needs to work together to overlap to feed off of each other. The world even makes it simple. Shaped almost like a circle the world is trying to tell its inhabitants about the circle of life. People at Disney tapped into that emotion with that whole ‘Circle of Life’ thing on the ‘Lion King’ soundtrack. Others outright rejected it claiming everyone is an island via the Ayn Rand objectivism lifestyle. Ultimately to exist on Earth requires a level of respect for the rest of the world’s population. That involves getting rid of the squares to make way for the circles.

Art Goes Here by Libby Rindal 


                Sleep is the ultimate recovery position. After the pain of the waking life there are dreams to soothe anguish. Everybody’s dreams are a bit different. Common themes exist however. Begging to demons only happens in real life. In the dream world demons can be defeated. Real life requires some deals with the devil, the demon’s immediate supervisor. Those interactions are kept to a minimum for the good ones. Bad ones have entirely different coping mechanisms. 

                Water burns off the sobriety. Smokers are smokestacks. They are part of the whole smoking-industrial complex. Every cloud of smoke brings a new amount of feeling. Exhaling in general brings out feeling. Cigarettes only extenuate those feelings. Hence this is why so many EMO kids smoke all the time. EMO kids breathe and want to see their feelings simply dissipate away. 

                Laundry is an important part of life. Every time the laundry piles up there is a reason. Of course laziness is usually the main reason. Distance is another. Many are unfortunate with their proximity to a Laundromat. A small (yet vocal) few prefer to wallow around in their own filth. Seeing the souls of clothes and times past does have a certain ‘connection’. There is a reason pairs of jeans are typically washed only a few times a year, if that. Jeans are the skanks of the wardrobe. 

                 Paint chip fall from the walls. Unfortunately paint chips are not suitable for human consumption despite their usage of the word ‘chip. The word ‘chip’ is a lie. Walls lie to people. Coats of paint let people down as they fall down on the residents. As the paint chips fall the heart falls deep into itself. Hearts possess a concave shape. Unknown geographies of the heart have never been mapped. Those fortunate enough to have heart maps tend to forget what happened the last time. Lucky few have the heart maps memorized and know where they are on the map. 

                Cocoons attract. Beds are made for cocoons. Various bedding styles can be employed for any bedroom. With a simple twist boring ordinary blankets can protect the sleeper from the world. This is critical. Protection from ills is important. Reality brings too many problems. In dream worlds there are no problems that can’t be solved. Nothing means anything in the dream world. Hence the things are perfect by design. Problems within the dream world are illuminated with the cruel harsh light of reality and the blasting of an alarm, an AM radio set to static. 

                Dogs are man’s best friends. Cats are killers. When a person dies their cats eat them. It is an unwritten rule. Seemingly disinterested in the world during their owner’s life, in death cats love the human jerky they gnaw upon. Cats don’t care. After cats are done eating the rotting remains of their owners they take a nap for they have no morals. The devil loves cats. Looking at a cat eat a dead person is beautiful to the devil. The devil is an aging YUPPIE living alone in an aging townhouse working an office job. 

                Ghosts kiss people all the time. Ghosts are a little turned on by life. During a typical person’s dream they are kissed by five ghosts, groped by two, and dry-humped by one. There’s not much to do in the afterlife. In that way it is not dissimilar to real life.

Art Goes Here by Libby Rindal

                Sleep is the ultimate recovery position. After the pain of the waking life there are dreams to soothe anguish. Everybody’s dreams are a bit different. Common themes exist however. Begging to demons only happens in real life. In the dream world demons can be defeated. Real life requires some deals with the devil, the demon’s immediate supervisor. Those interactions are kept to a minimum for the good ones. Bad ones have entirely different coping mechanisms. 

                Water burns off the sobriety. Smokers are smokestacks. They are part of the whole smoking-industrial complex. Every cloud of smoke brings a new amount of feeling. Exhaling in general brings out feeling. Cigarettes only extenuate those feelings. Hence this is why so many EMO kids smoke all the time. EMO kids breathe and want to see their feelings simply dissipate away. 

                Laundry is an important part of life. Every time the laundry piles up there is a reason. Of course laziness is usually the main reason. Distance is another. Many are unfortunate with their proximity to a Laundromat. A small (yet vocal) few prefer to wallow around in their own filth. Seeing the souls of clothes and times past does have a certain ‘connection’. There is a reason pairs of jeans are typically washed only a few times a year, if that. Jeans are the skanks of the wardrobe. 

                 Paint chip fall from the walls. Unfortunately paint chips are not suitable for human consumption despite their usage of the word ‘chip. The word ‘chip’ is a lie. Walls lie to people. Coats of paint let people down as they fall down on the residents. As the paint chips fall the heart falls deep into itself. Hearts possess a concave shape. Unknown geographies of the heart have never been mapped. Those fortunate enough to have heart maps tend to forget what happened the last time. Lucky few have the heart maps memorized and know where they are on the map. 

                Cocoons attract. Beds are made for cocoons. Various bedding styles can be employed for any bedroom. With a simple twist boring ordinary blankets can protect the sleeper from the world. This is critical. Protection from ills is important. Reality brings too many problems. In dream worlds there are no problems that can’t be solved. Nothing means anything in the dream world. Hence the things are perfect by design. Problems within the dream world are illuminated with the cruel harsh light of reality and the blasting of an alarm, an AM radio set to static. 

                Dogs are man’s best friends. Cats are killers. When a person dies their cats eat them. It is an unwritten rule. Seemingly disinterested in the world during their owner’s life, in death cats love the human jerky they gnaw upon. Cats don’t care. After cats are done eating the rotting remains of their owners they take a nap for they have no morals. The devil loves cats. Looking at a cat eat a dead person is beautiful to the devil. The devil is an aging YUPPIE living alone in an aging townhouse working an office job. 

                Ghosts kiss people all the time. Ghosts are a little turned on by life. During a typical person’s dream they are kissed by five ghosts, groped by two, and dry-humped by one. There’s not much to do in the afterlife. In that way it is not dissimilar to real life.

Harlem Shake Original Alt Lit Edition by Stephen Michael McDowell

                The Harlem Shake is the latest internet craze. Obviously this is perfect cannon fodder for the Alt Lit literary subgenre. Still trying to sow its oats through writing, macros, and other assorted bits, Alt Lit needs something that truly defines it. Writers have tried to give it definition by expressing the simultaneous optimism and gloom that pervades America’s youth. Yeah that’s great but it feels like there’s something missing, something really big. By latching onto this ‘Harlem Shake’ craze Alt Lit has a way of truly making it as a literary genre. If anybody was game enough for the Harlem Shake it is Stephen Michael McDowell, one of many ‘Poster Boys’ of Alt Lit. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell shakes his head in the air like he just doesn’t care. This is challenging for Stephen feels a lot of emotions. Most of his writing expresses deeply-feel emotions. Shaking what his mother gave him (his head) shows that Stephen is trying to remain completely composed. Behind him is the embodiment of a sense of calm. Landscapes of the suburbs keep him toasty and warm. Yes Stephen Michael McDowell is rocking the suburbs in the best way he knows how: by spending vast, potentially unhealthy amounts of time lurking and longing on the internet. For the internet is the ultimate source of so much longing. People will never meet each other on the internet. Stephen knows this and it makes him indescribably sad. However he busts out the true emotion in the second half of the video. 

                Gone are the sunglasses enforcing a sense of cool! Gone is his composure! Gone too is his sense of calm. All that is left are his innermost emotions spewing out of him like so many un-cried tears. Now he’s crying. He’s doing it; he’s suffering from a severe form of sadness. Oh his mother must be proud of his ability to cry. If only she could see him now. Most likely she can see him because she’s in the other room waiting for him to stop crying before she asks if he’d like to have pasta and a salad. 

                Various reactions suggest that Stephen accomplished his goal with the video. One callous individual bluntly stated ‘I LOLLED at your suffering’. Art is suffering anyway since it pays nothing and generally is misunderstood. With this video though Stephen takes Alt Lit to the next level by engaging a dominant MEME form and making it better, making it realer. Stephen Michael McDowell is the realist real person of Alt Lit.

The Next Big Thing Series

What is the working title of the book?

                What I’m most proud of is the ongoing ‘Beach Sloth’ Blog. I like how versatile the Blog can be. In a book the words are there without change, addition, or elaboration. That can be extremely scary to make a definitive statement. By blogging I’ve noticed that I can clarify some things, elaborate on them, and better figure out what works best for me.

                The working title of the finished book (at 53,000 words) was ‘Tripping’. I like the title. I’ll keep it. Anybody who is interested in ‘Tripping’ should encourage me. I doubt I’ll be sharing the rough draft yet. The draft is just too rough. The Blog is simple. The Blog gets feedback. I can always add to the Blog. I can’t add to a book. I edit too much for me to ever be happy with a book. Who knows though maybe people will like it? 

Where did the idea come from for the book?

                The Blog stemmed from me hanging out on the beach. I was completely directionless in life. I have more of a purpose now both with the Blog and with life in general. Alt Lit is a huge part of the Blog. I want to support those who don’t receive much attention. I want to make life easier for people. I like helping people.

                For the full book the idea came from traveling and realizing a part of my life was over. It took me a long time to realize that. I wanted to constantly go back in time, to relive my life and maybe handle it better. I know that’s impossible now. I wish I had figured it out earlier. 

What genre does your book fall under?

                My Blog falls under the ‘support’ genre. Maybe it could be self-help? Reading my Blog should help others feel better about their lives. There’s all this wonderful material being created, free of charge, and I want to bring attention to it. Alt Lit is a wonderful thing. More people keep on joining the community for a reason. With more writers there’s a greater diversity of interests, styles, and life experiences. To me that is really fantastic.

                The book would fall under ‘young adult’.  I heard there’s a whole section of the library called ‘young adult’. I want part of the ‘young adult’ pie. Or I could go for elderly due to the demographic shifts worldwide towards rapid aging. 

What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

                My Blog might be hard to turn into a movie. I’m uncertain. I have no idea who would play me. I might do that. Why not? I guess if I was going to drop the anonymous thing it would be for a big old pile of money and Hollywood fame.

                The book lends itself fairly well to a movie. The movie would be really digressive I think. I wish I knew more about movies. I know what soundtrack I’d use. It would be a better soundtrack than ‘Garden State’. The soundtrack would be killer. I feel like actually releasing the soundtrack of the movie first. When I watch movies I watch them with subtitles and turn the volume off. ‘Broken Flowers’ is a good movie for that approach. If anybody watches ‘Broken Flowers’ watch it to June of 44’s album ‘Engine Takes to the Water’. It syncs up perfectly with the movie. 

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

                Beach Sloth is a Blog supporting others.

                The book is someone dealing with the inevitability of adulthood by going on a trip that makes little sense and has little purpose. 

How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

                The Blog has taken me almost three years. I’m pretty happy with the manuscript.

                Summarizing or giving the book a specific period is a bit tricky. I wrote some of the scenes years ago (before the blog), trashed it, and kept on coming back to them. The book is a series of earlier drafts. Collecting them and polishing them enough so they’d make sense took a month to fully re-write and put together.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

            The Blog was inspired by supporting others. People need support. Life is too hard.  

I wanted to have a bigger statement than the Blog. Few take blogging seriously. Books though seem to be taken ultra-seriously for reasons I can’t fathom. Yet I still wanted to have a book that I wrote and could perhaps take some pride in, hence ‘Tripping’. 

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

                If anybody needs an introduction to Alt Lit I do a good job summarizing it. I try to keep things simple. My goal is to convey as clearly as possible what the work is trying to do. The purpose of my reviews is to be as simple as possible.

                For the book I feel if people are reaching their late twenties and feel completely doomed about what do with their life then my book might be able to help them. 

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

                The Blog is self-published. That will never change. I like having control over it. 

                I self-published ‘I want to YouTube down the Rivers of America’. I think if I have another book it will not be a chapbook but a full book. I want to have a publisher. 

 

My tagged writers for next Wednesday are:

Neon Glittery, Bianca Shipton, Peterbd, Lucy K Shaw, Stephen Michael McDowell

I AM ALT LIT::CONFIDENTIAL ‘EP 4’           




                Noah Cicero’s appearance marks the first ‘international’ broadcast from I AM ALT LIT. At this point I AM ALT LIT’s place in history is secure. I AM ALT LIT is a juggernaut. No one can stop it. Daniel Alexander puts it simply as ‘You’re doing it, keep going’. I AM ALT LIT is not stopping. The internet will never let it go. The internet holds I AM ALT LIT in its arms. While the internet caresses I AM ALT LIT’s baby face it whispers ‘baby I’m never going to let you go’.

                The chat begins. Noah states he went to ‘PC Bang’. South Korea seems strange. This means a whole room of computers is having sex. Usually Apple computers are the only ones doing that. Here Noah drops a real ‘bombshell’: he uses a PC. In the normal world this means nothing. Alt lit though uses exclusively Apple computers. Whoever does not have an Apple is ostracized from the community for not being different in the exact same way. Besides showing off Noah’s extreme poverty it also explains the lack of Image Macros from Noah Cicero’s repertoire. 

                 Eric Sanderson asks “Can this Spreecast just be Noah learning how to use Spreecast”. For a long while this appears to be the case. Unlike other alt lit members Noah is in his thirties. People refer to him as ‘an adult’. Sometimes people forget Noah Cicero because he is ‘so damn good looking’. Very few in their thirties are part of alt lit. Sure there might be an alt lit dad here and there, perhaps one with three lovable sloth children, but it is rare. And Noah’s been writing before alt lit was even conceived. Many consider Noah’s writing to be the beginning of alt lit. 

                Drama sets in. Noah tries to give up. I AM ALT LIT refuses to attempt Noah’s defeat. Noah fails in giving up. Various members of the chat offer Noah helpful tips like ‘Talking really loud’. Another suggests the question ‘Can you hear me now’? Either way this helps out Noah Cicero. Stephen Michael McDowell comes on to offer support. What he does is take over the video portion. Noah answers from whatever Noah is busy doing. 

                ‘Shoplifting from American Apparel’ features Noah Cicero. He is in a movie. Tao Lin gets eaten by an alligator. Noah explodes. Jordan Castro explodes too. Bebe Zeva is in it. Many know of Bebe Zeva from the epic Facebook thread. With over 39,000 comments it changed Facebook. It changed alt lit. Alt lit became a serious movement only after endlessly annoying Bebe Zeva for a couple of months. 

                Loneliness has taken over Noah’s life. South Korea makes him feel alone. He feels lonely in a new country. Medication is impossible to get in that area. Noah can’t speak to anybody in South Korea. Unfortunately Noah can’t hear through the depression. Being alone is the worst thing one can have. Alone with Infinite Jest helps Noah a little bit but not much. Books are not people. Books are full of information. This is the dark part of the interview. 

                Noah wrote ten novels in ten years. That is tough. Many write far less than that. Some he writes on his blog. Others he writes while drinking coffee. Every day he writes a few pages. Eventually this ends up resulting in a full-fledged novel. Internal motivation makes Noah become better and better in terms of output. Alienation and loneliness is part of Noah’s experience. Stephen asks Noah how he perceives himself. Here is the ‘heart and soul’ of what makes I AM ALT LIT an institution. Noah is referred to as the ‘OG’ or ‘Original Gangster’ of alt lit. 

                Ohio appears. Noah talks about how he first decided to write at the tender age of 22. From Youngstown he realized that he could write how he wanted on the internet. Snobbish literary magazines were not for him. Rather Noah wanted to keep his voice. People don’t always manage that after being published. Optimism shines through Noah’s keyboard. Alt lit is a place people can go. Writing can exist thanks to alt lit. Alt lit has made it possible for people outside of colleges and big cities to do it. Noah explains how he followed his muse from 2002 and onwards. It is amazing. It is inspiring. Alt lit is for everyone. 

                Alt lit will produce 10 out of the 200 main authors for this generation according to Noah Cicero. 20 are also possible. Noah states the rest will come from academia like usual. Most avoid more academic writers. There are few ‘blockbuster’ or ‘best-selling’ novelists now. The scene is analyzed into a few key writers. Some of them are doing it for attention. Little money exists there. Infinite Jest was the last thing to be heavily pushed by publishers Noah Cicero states. From here Noah goes on to talk about the state of media and culture in general. 

                Finally it comes to a close with Noah discussing the re-publishing of some of his books. Lazy Fascist is going to re-publish nearly everything except ‘Best Behavior’. Suicide becomes an option for Noah. If he does it he sells more books. There is a new book coming out from Noah. America needs to prepare itself.

I AM ALT LIT::CONFIDENTIAL ‘EP 4’          




                Noah Cicero’s appearance marks the first ‘international’ broadcast from I AM ALT LIT. At this point I AM ALT LIT’s place in history is secure. I AM ALT LIT is a juggernaut. No one can stop it. Daniel Alexander puts it simply as ‘You’re doing it, keep going’. I AM ALT LIT is not stopping. The internet will never let it go. The internet holds I AM ALT LIT in its arms. While the internet caresses I AM ALT LIT’s baby face it whispers ‘baby I’m never going to let you go’.

                The chat begins. Noah states he went to ‘PC Bang’. South Korea seems strange. This means a whole room of computers is having sex. Usually Apple computers are the only ones doing that. Here Noah drops a real ‘bombshell’: he uses a PC. In the normal world this means nothing. Alt lit though uses exclusively Apple computers. Whoever does not have an Apple is ostracized from the community for not being different in the exact same way. Besides showing off Noah’s extreme poverty it also explains the lack of Image Macros from Noah Cicero’s repertoire. 

                 Eric Sanderson asks “Can this Spreecast just be Noah learning how to use Spreecast”. For a long while this appears to be the case. Unlike other alt lit members Noah is in his thirties. People refer to him as ‘an adult’. Sometimes people forget Noah Cicero because he is ‘so damn good looking’. Very few in their thirties are part of alt lit. Sure there might be an alt lit dad here and there, perhaps one with three lovable sloth children, but it is rare. And Noah’s been writing before alt lit was even conceived. Many consider Noah’s writing to be the beginning of alt lit. 

                Drama sets in. Noah tries to give up. I AM ALT LIT refuses to attempt Noah’s defeat. Noah fails in giving up. Various members of the chat offer Noah helpful tips like ‘Talking really loud’. Another suggests the question ‘Can you hear me now’? Either way this helps out Noah Cicero. Stephen Michael McDowell comes on to offer support. What he does is take over the video portion. Noah answers from whatever Noah is busy doing. 

                ‘Shoplifting from American Apparel’ features Noah Cicero. He is in a movie. Tao Lin gets eaten by an alligator. Noah explodes. Jordan Castro explodes too. Bebe Zeva is in it. Many know of Bebe Zeva from the epic Facebook thread. With over 39,000 comments it changed Facebook. It changed alt lit. Alt lit became a serious movement only after endlessly annoying Bebe Zeva for a couple of months. 

                Loneliness has taken over Noah’s life. South Korea makes him feel alone. He feels lonely in a new country. Medication is impossible to get in that area. Noah can’t speak to anybody in South Korea. Unfortunately Noah can’t hear through the depression. Being alone is the worst thing one can have. Alone with Infinite Jest helps Noah a little bit but not much. Books are not people. Books are full of information. This is the dark part of the interview. 

                Noah wrote ten novels in ten years. That is tough. Many write far less than that. Some he writes on his blog. Others he writes while drinking coffee. Every day he writes a few pages. Eventually this ends up resulting in a full-fledged novel. Internal motivation makes Noah become better and better in terms of output. Alienation and loneliness is part of Noah’s experience. Stephen asks Noah how he perceives himself. Here is the ‘heart and soul’ of what makes I AM ALT LIT an institution. Noah is referred to as the ‘OG’ or ‘Original Gangster’ of alt lit. 

                Ohio appears. Noah talks about how he first decided to write at the tender age of 22. From Youngstown he realized that he could write how he wanted on the internet. Snobbish literary magazines were not for him. Rather Noah wanted to keep his voice. People don’t always manage that after being published. Optimism shines through Noah’s keyboard. Alt lit is a place people can go. Writing can exist thanks to alt lit. Alt lit has made it possible for people outside of colleges and big cities to do it. Noah explains how he followed his muse from 2002 and onwards. It is amazing. It is inspiring. Alt lit is for everyone. 

                Alt lit will produce 10 out of the 200 main authors for this generation according to Noah Cicero. 20 are also possible. Noah states the rest will come from academia like usual. Most avoid more academic writers. There are few ‘blockbuster’ or ‘best-selling’ novelists now. The scene is analyzed into a few key writers. Some of them are doing it for attention. Little money exists there. Infinite Jest was the last thing to be heavily pushed by publishers Noah Cicero states. From here Noah goes on to talk about the state of media and culture in general. 

                Finally it comes to a close with Noah discussing the re-publishing of some of his books. Lazy Fascist is going to re-publish nearly everything except ‘Best Behavior’. Suicide becomes an option for Noah. If he does it he sells more books. There is a new book coming out from Noah. America needs to prepare itself.

I AM ALT LIT::CONFIDENTIAL ‘EP 3’   



                Daniel Alexander introduces the show. Stephen Michael McDowell loves this guest. Kitty Pryde is a true ‘get’. This is the first rapper to appear on I AM ALT LIT CONFIDENTIAL. She claims to know nothing about rap. Hundreds of people adore her. Thousands of people adore her. In the future millions of people will adore her. 

                Stephen asks her about branding and vague relationships. Writing-wise she knows little about Tao Lin or Steve Roggenbuck. Her writing began before she knew of either of them. Happily Alt Lit has claimed her as ‘one of their own’. This is important. Alt lit needs a hero. Kitty Pryde is that hero. Once Daniel Alexander leaves Kitty says to him ‘I love you’. Is Daniel Alexander and Kitty Pryde the next ‘alt lit love couple’? Clearly the infatuation between Daniel Alexander and Kitty Pryde is ‘out of control’.

                Raps are literature. She likes the idea of rap lasting a long time after the artist. That counts as literature to her. People do college dissertations off of 2PAC. Kitty Pryde talks about the pressure of being an artist. Audiences require this knowledge. Lately Kitty has had to study the history of rap. In the background Daniel Alexander states ‘SNCK PAC’ is better. 

                New York is Kitty’s new home. New York is like Florida only culture exists there. Florida is vapid. Kitty states this fact. It is obvious. Nobody defends Florida. When Kitty comes home to Florida her friends are indifferent to culture. Good thing the internet is everywhere. Sub-cultures exist on the internet. They keep people in tune with cultures far away. ‘I have no idea what life is’ Kitty states. Obviously this is untrue. She knows how Spreecast works. Spreecast is life. 

                Questions come up about college. Stephen wants to know about her ambitions. Kitty started college super early. This is because she is a cat. Cats start college earlier than anybody else. She is on a break from college right now. 19 years old and she’s almost done with college. Kitty Pryde is ahead of the pack. Though Kitty is a cat she moves fast. Short-term though Kitty is going to RAP up a storm. It is happening. 

                Kitty reads the chat. This is a bad idea. Stephen recommends ignoring the chat. Many in the chat are saddened by this suggestion. Here is where Stephen gets into the ‘meat and potatoes’ of the interview. Kitty states she is positive. LIL B is another even happier person. Nobody is as happy as LIL B. Other rappers appear to be closer to tone to Kitty’s work. 

                A tour will happen. Hot Sugar presents Kitty Pryde’s work. For those unaware Hot Sugar works with the hottest artists today. Molly Soda, Kitty Pryde, they rock. Can others compete with them? Obviously no, nobody can handle it. Thankfully Kitty Pryde’s family supports her work. Multiple times Kitty Pryde’s grandmother has made it to her concerts. This is a beautiful thing. Stephen admits his grandmother has read his work. Grandparents are great for feedback since they aren’t doing anything else besides waiting for death. 

                Walt Disney was crazy according to Kitty Pryde. She says that is the last book she read. A biography is the last book Kitty read. Crazy prolific people always have a certain fatal flaw. Some are offensive people. Others are sloths. It is a hard life being so prolific. From here she mentions about doing ‘OK CUPID’ the video. In some of the other videos she states it can be quite stressful. 

                Kit-Kats are the biggest snack she loves. Daniel Alexander is happy with this answer. Thankfully Kitty Pryde hates Florida. Florida is the cultural wasteland of America. What she says is the best about Florida is people-watching. After that Kitty Pryde talks about her ‘phone problems’. 4chan people call her. Some jerk bro (her bro) leaked her number. Sadly she gets a ton of stupid downright silly calls from anonymous bros and broettes. 

                Hopsin is a jerk. Whatever bad thing happens on the internet is due to Hopsin. This is unfortunate. Kitty has a ‘diss track’ coming out. Hopsin is the original hater. Maybe he takes pride in this fact. Probably Hopsin does not. Hopsin’s work is terrible. Everybody hates Hopsin. 

                It ends with Kitty and Stephen keeping it real. Realness is important in life. The internet is the surreal life.

I AM ALT LIT::CONFIDENTIAL ‘EP 3’   

                Daniel Alexander introduces the show. Stephen Michael McDowell loves this guest. Kitty Pryde is a true ‘get’. This is the first rapper to appear on I AM ALT LIT CONFIDENTIAL. She claims to know nothing about rap. Hundreds of people adore her. Thousands of people adore her. In the future millions of people will adore her. 

                Stephen asks her about branding and vague relationships. Writing-wise she knows little about Tao Lin or Steve Roggenbuck. Her writing began before she knew of either of them. Happily Alt Lit has claimed her as ‘one of their own’. This is important. Alt lit needs a hero. Kitty Pryde is that hero. Once Daniel Alexander leaves Kitty says to him ‘I love you’. Is Daniel Alexander and Kitty Pryde the next ‘alt lit love couple’? Clearly the infatuation between Daniel Alexander and Kitty Pryde is ‘out of control’.

                Raps are literature. She likes the idea of rap lasting a long time after the artist. That counts as literature to her. People do college dissertations off of 2PAC. Kitty Pryde talks about the pressure of being an artist. Audiences require this knowledge. Lately Kitty has had to study the history of rap. In the background Daniel Alexander states ‘SNCK PAC’ is better. 

                New York is Kitty’s new home. New York is like Florida only culture exists there. Florida is vapid. Kitty states this fact. It is obvious. Nobody defends Florida. When Kitty comes home to Florida her friends are indifferent to culture. Good thing the internet is everywhere. Sub-cultures exist on the internet. They keep people in tune with cultures far away. ‘I have no idea what life is’ Kitty states. Obviously this is untrue. She knows how Spreecast works. Spreecast is life. 

                Questions come up about college. Stephen wants to know about her ambitions. Kitty started college super early. This is because she is a cat. Cats start college earlier than anybody else. She is on a break from college right now. 19 years old and she’s almost done with college. Kitty Pryde is ahead of the pack. Though Kitty is a cat she moves fast. Short-term though Kitty is going to RAP up a storm. It is happening. 

                Kitty reads the chat. This is a bad idea. Stephen recommends ignoring the chat. Many in the chat are saddened by this suggestion. Here is where Stephen gets into the ‘meat and potatoes’ of the interview. Kitty states she is positive. LIL B is another even happier person. Nobody is as happy as LIL B. Other rappers appear to be closer to tone to Kitty’s work. 

                A tour will happen. Hot Sugar presents Kitty Pryde’s work. For those unaware Hot Sugar works with the hottest artists today. Molly Soda, Kitty Pryde, they rock. Can others compete with them? Obviously no, nobody can handle it. Thankfully Kitty Pryde’s family supports her work. Multiple times Kitty Pryde’s grandmother has made it to her concerts. This is a beautiful thing. Stephen admits his grandmother has read his work. Grandparents are great for feedback since they aren’t doing anything else besides waiting for death. 

                Walt Disney was crazy according to Kitty Pryde. She says that is the last book she read. A biography is the last book Kitty read. Crazy prolific people always have a certain fatal flaw. Some are offensive people. Others are sloths. It is a hard life being so prolific. From here she mentions about doing ‘OK CUPID’ the video. In some of the other videos she states it can be quite stressful. 

                Kit-Kats are the biggest snack she loves. Daniel Alexander is happy with this answer. Thankfully Kitty Pryde hates Florida. Florida is the cultural wasteland of America. What she says is the best about Florida is people-watching. After that Kitty Pryde talks about her ‘phone problems’. 4chan people call her. Some jerk bro (her bro) leaked her number. Sadly she gets a ton of stupid downright silly calls from anonymous bros and broettes. 

                Hopsin is a jerk. Whatever bad thing happens on the internet is due to Hopsin. This is unfortunate. Kitty has a ‘diss track’ coming out. Hopsin is the original hater. Maybe he takes pride in this fact. Probably Hopsin does not. Hopsin’s work is terrible. Everybody hates Hopsin. 

                It ends with Kitty and Stephen keeping it real. Realness is important in life. The internet is the surreal life.

I AM ALT LIT



                Jacob Steinberg and Willis Plummer appear on camera. Only Jacob speaks. After Jacob leaves Buttercup introduces the man behind I AM ALT. People sit in amazement as I AM ALT LIT is revealed. Josh Spilker is ‘I AM ALT LIT’. This is going to become a common thing, with this happening on a ‘regular’ basis yet to be determined. 

                Scare quotes are a huge ‘part’ of I AM ALT LIT. The answer Josh Spilker gives is for a level of humorous intention. Long ago in alt lit, before it was alt lit, scare quotes were used on a regular if not overwhelming basis. Generally scare quotes are used for humorous purposes more than any other reason. Currently Josh Spilker lives in Nashville, Tennessee. For those unaware he runs ‘Deckfight Press’ and wrote the short novella ‘Ambient Position Florida’. People’s mouths dropped but this is confirmed only by the chat room, not by visual confirmation. 

                The scores rely on the content. Writers behind the work are not reviewed which is highly unfortunate. Daniel Alexander’s question asks why the 0.0 for ‘Have U Seen My Whale’. Josh’s answer is the sort of thing that will turn heads and forever shake up the alt lit community forever. What the 0.0 entailed was to bring attention to the publication. Thankfully this appeared to work as the Whale received a great detail of attention. 

                100 scores are explored as well. ‘I AM’ is behind the 100 scores. Basically if there is an ‘I AM’ in the title it gets a 100. PeterBD gets a 100 for his work which shouted-out to all sorts of people in the alt lit community. Many love PeterBD. Everybody loves PeterBD. Can anybody even truly know who PeterBD is? Would it shock people to discover that Josh Spilker is also PeterBD? Josh loves the anonymous lifestyle.

                Multiple questions are asked about people being little bitches. Walter Mackey is a small-ish bitch. Walter is an emotional isolationist. Many know this via his ‘de-friending’ lifestyle. Various bitch questions are asked. One question deals with Andrea Coates’ vagina. Different scores are given for Andrea’s vagina, ranging from 7.5, to 8.2 to 13.2. Can anybody truly review someone’s private parts? When will an ‘I AM ALT LIT’ create a scoring system for love between couples? This is highly important. 

                Josh Spilker explains what alt lit means to him. Here he gets into the ‘vegan meat and vegan potatoes’ of alt lit. A certain use of passive voice, the direct description, etc. are all important attributes. Bonus features include what books Josh is interested in, such as Tao Lin, Noah Cicero, Zachary German, and David Foster Wallace. Buttercup and Josh discuss the importance of including new genres into the alt lit umbrella such as sci-fi and fantasy. 

                Apparently ‘I AM ALT LIT’ is a collective on par with GYBE. Buttercup is I AM ALT LIT. Josh is I AM ALT LIT. Others too are members. Jacob Steinberg closes the viewing party by randomly talking to people IRL. The internet does not wait for IRL so IRL kindly waits for it. Of course it ends. And the next week I AM ALT LIT hosts yet one more member of the ALT LIT community, one Frank Hinton for her big reveal.

I AM ALT LIT

                Jacob Steinberg and Willis Plummer appear on camera. Only Jacob speaks. After Jacob leaves Buttercup introduces the man behind I AM ALT. People sit in amazement as I AM ALT LIT is revealed. Josh Spilker is ‘I AM ALT LIT’. This is going to become a common thing, with this happening on a ‘regular’ basis yet to be determined. 

                Scare quotes are a huge ‘part’ of I AM ALT LIT. The answer Josh Spilker gives is for a level of humorous intention. Long ago in alt lit, before it was alt lit, scare quotes were used on a regular if not overwhelming basis. Generally scare quotes are used for humorous purposes more than any other reason. Currently Josh Spilker lives in Nashville, Tennessee. For those unaware he runs ‘Deckfight Press’ and wrote the short novella ‘Ambient Position Florida’. People’s mouths dropped but this is confirmed only by the chat room, not by visual confirmation. 

                The scores rely on the content. Writers behind the work are not reviewed which is highly unfortunate. Daniel Alexander’s question asks why the 0.0 for ‘Have U Seen My Whale’. Josh’s answer is the sort of thing that will turn heads and forever shake up the alt lit community forever. What the 0.0 entailed was to bring attention to the publication. Thankfully this appeared to work as the Whale received a great detail of attention. 

                100 scores are explored as well. ‘I AM’ is behind the 100 scores. Basically if there is an ‘I AM’ in the title it gets a 100. PeterBD gets a 100 for his work which shouted-out to all sorts of people in the alt lit community. Many love PeterBD. Everybody loves PeterBD. Can anybody even truly know who PeterBD is? Would it shock people to discover that Josh Spilker is also PeterBD? Josh loves the anonymous lifestyle.

                Multiple questions are asked about people being little bitches. Walter Mackey is a small-ish bitch. Walter is an emotional isolationist. Many know this via his ‘de-friending’ lifestyle. Various bitch questions are asked. One question deals with Andrea Coates’ vagina. Different scores are given for Andrea’s vagina, ranging from 7.5, to 8.2 to 13.2. Can anybody truly review someone’s private parts? When will an ‘I AM ALT LIT’ create a scoring system for love between couples? This is highly important. 

                Josh Spilker explains what alt lit means to him. Here he gets into the ‘vegan meat and vegan potatoes’ of alt lit. A certain use of passive voice, the direct description, etc. are all important attributes. Bonus features include what books Josh is interested in, such as Tao Lin, Noah Cicero, Zachary German, and David Foster Wallace. Buttercup and Josh discuss the importance of including new genres into the alt lit umbrella such as sci-fi and fantasy. 

                Apparently ‘I AM ALT LIT’ is a collective on par with GYBE. Buttercup is I AM ALT LIT. Josh is I AM ALT LIT. Others too are members. Jacob Steinberg closes the viewing party by randomly talking to people IRL. The internet does not wait for IRL so IRL kindly waits for it. Of course it ends. And the next week I AM ALT LIT hosts yet one more member of the ALT LIT community, one Frank Hinton for her big reveal.

My coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s 6 year old nephew Bentley’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage of my Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of my Coverage of ‘2AM Interview: Buttercup and LK’

                Murdoch is back! For a while he was sicker than a dog or whatever animal he claims not to be. The online community appreciates it. He has to convince his six year old nephew to join the thriving world of alt lit. Nor would young Bentley be the youngest member of alt lit. Mere babies are joining the alt lit community from Muumuu House to Googoo House. Bambi Muse employs nothing but babies for their extensive online coverage, paying them a shiny penny every two weeks. Alt lit kids, alt lit babies really nothing stops them from joining this thriving online community. Will there ever be an unborn fetus in alt lit? Only time will tell. 

                Here Murdoch suggests purchasing a book, the sort of book to change lives. If people want to know what it is like to YouTube down the Rivers of America, they could do worse. Multiple reviews of this chapbook state ‘It is a chapbook’ and ‘it is 43 pages long’. Get into it. Children need to play angry birds on phones. Pinecones only go so far. Literally, it is really hard to play a game with pinecones without getting sticky hands. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell does not sleep. He waits for relevant content. Lately he has been cooking up a metaphorical, not literal storm. Habitat II (Habitat harder) is coming out in daily digest-able doses. A few people have expressed extreme confusion on how such things work, on how to navigate the site. This must be a response to ‘IAMALTLIT’ expressing dismay at the difficult navigability of the previous, equally twee Habitat format. 

                Lucy K Shaw is getting exiled from Canada. Apparently Canada thought ‘Oh here’s this chill Englishwoman. Let’s kick her out and re-import Nickelback’. That’s disappointing. Canada needs to warm up to Lucy. She’s a wonderful person. Now it can be hard for Canada to care because it is giant, near the Arctic Circle, and part French, but it can at least try. Heck if Canada is able to bring back (Godspeed You! Black Emperor) they can bring back Lucy K Shaw, easily. 

                This is a little known fact but Murdoch is a high priest of the satanic persuasion. He wants to take over the world. What better way to bring people together then to marry them, in a holy unification of all countries? A Spreecast wedding may be the way to go. Indeed part of Murdoch’s ‘World Domination’ plan involves the internet, Spreecast, and to a lesser extent, Tinychat. Every time somebody uses one of those technologies Murdoch gets a little more powerful. Not too much more powerful but the increase is noticeable.

                Read Shabby Doll House, read Meat Confetti, read your heart out!

My coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s 6 year old nephew Bentley’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage of my Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of my Coverage of ‘2AM Interview: Buttercup and LK’

                Murdoch is back! For a while he was sicker than a dog or whatever animal he claims not to be. The online community appreciates it. He has to convince his six year old nephew to join the thriving world of alt lit. Nor would young Bentley be the youngest member of alt lit. Mere babies are joining the alt lit community from Muumuu House to Googoo House. Bambi Muse employs nothing but babies for their extensive online coverage, paying them a shiny penny every two weeks. Alt lit kids, alt lit babies really nothing stops them from joining this thriving online community. Will there ever be an unborn fetus in alt lit? Only time will tell. 

                Here Murdoch suggests purchasing a book, the sort of book to change lives. If people want to know what it is like to YouTube down the Rivers of America, they could do worse. Multiple reviews of this chapbook state ‘It is a chapbook’ and ‘it is 43 pages long’. Get into it. Children need to play angry birds on phones. Pinecones only go so far. Literally, it is really hard to play a game with pinecones without getting sticky hands. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell does not sleep. He waits for relevant content. Lately he has been cooking up a metaphorical, not literal storm. Habitat II (Habitat harder) is coming out in daily digest-able doses. A few people have expressed extreme confusion on how such things work, on how to navigate the site. This must be a response to ‘IAMALTLIT’ expressing dismay at the difficult navigability of the previous, equally twee Habitat format. 

                Lucy K Shaw is getting exiled from Canada. Apparently Canada thought ‘Oh here’s this chill Englishwoman. Let’s kick her out and re-import Nickelback’. That’s disappointing. Canada needs to warm up to Lucy. She’s a wonderful person. Now it can be hard for Canada to care because it is giant, near the Arctic Circle, and part French, but it can at least try. Heck if Canada is able to bring back (Godspeed You! Black Emperor) they can bring back Lucy K Shaw, easily. 

                This is a little known fact but Murdoch is a high priest of the satanic persuasion. He wants to take over the world. What better way to bring people together then to marry them, in a holy unification of all countries? A Spreecast wedding may be the way to go. Indeed part of Murdoch’s ‘World Domination’ plan involves the internet, Spreecast, and to a lesser extent, Tinychat. Every time somebody uses one of those technologies Murdoch gets a little more powerful. Not too much more powerful but the increase is noticeable.

                Read Shabby Doll House, read Meat Confetti, read your heart out!


My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage of my Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of my Coverage of ‘2AM Interview: Buttercup and LK’




               I’m happy Murdoch gave me Australia. This will help me gain twitter followers, of this I am certain. Australia has over twenty million residents and all that land. Essentially Australia is a never-ending beach. Do people even live in the interior of Australia? I figure they wouldn’t because everything else is a beach anyway. 

                Dead computers need our help. They don’t judge. They can’t think for themselves. We have to act fast and blast them into outer space. Smartphones lack the respect that computers have. Smartphones think life is some sort of game. Those entire instant autos-corrects, etc. are totally messed up. Computers would never do that. I know them too well. 

                Alt lit didn’t grow up in the 80s like I did. I remember the 80s, I remember them well. That was before the whole internet thing happened. People thought differently back then. Nobody ever thought to themselves “That would make a good tweet”. Nope back then people hated Reagan and wanted to see the fall of communism. Before the internet weird people just hid in their homes, staying alone. With the internet any strange individual can make new friends every day. Hi there, I’m Beach Sloth, pleased to meet you. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell released ‘I liked a lot of music in 2009 but apparently did not like myself’. Will this piece change your life? Yes it will. Expect a review of it at some point in the distant to near future. I liked it. It changed my life. Now I’m a toaster thanks to the book. And Lucy K Shaw, having gone to Baltimore, New York, and back to her home, Toronto, has Shabby Doll House coming out tomorrow for all the good little boys and girls. Am I in it? Yes. I am. 

                Baltimore may get a rare appearance from Murdoch. What does he look like? What do you expect a super villain to look like? Murdoch has a bow tie. For some reason villains have to wear bow ties. It is an eighties thing. I grew up during that time but I generally wear full suits with regular ties. I’m not a super villain, at least not yet.  Yes rats here in Baltimore are excited. I do not see rats in Baltimore too often but they are here. Rats in New York, those are big mother fuckers. Here in Baltimore, they are working on it. I do not mess with rats since I’m a sloth. They generally think I’m a piece of moss-covered concrete and leave me alone. 

                Murdoch has been doing a lot lately. In case you haven’t read him you should read him. His canon of work is inspiring.

My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage My Coverage of Murdoch Larmache’s Coverage of my Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of My Coverage of Murdoch Lamarche’s Coverage of my Coverage of ‘2AM Interview: Buttercup and LK’




               I’m happy Murdoch gave me Australia. This will help me gain twitter followers, of this I am certain. Australia has over twenty million residents and all that land. Essentially Australia is a never-ending beach. Do people even live in the interior of Australia? I figure they wouldn’t because everything else is a beach anyway. 

                Dead computers need our help. They don’t judge. They can’t think for themselves. We have to act fast and blast them into outer space. Smartphones lack the respect that computers have. Smartphones think life is some sort of game. Those entire instant autos-corrects, etc. are totally messed up. Computers would never do that. I know them too well. 

                Alt lit didn’t grow up in the 80s like I did. I remember the 80s, I remember them well. That was before the whole internet thing happened. People thought differently back then. Nobody ever thought to themselves “That would make a good tweet”. Nope back then people hated Reagan and wanted to see the fall of communism. Before the internet weird people just hid in their homes, staying alone. With the internet any strange individual can make new friends every day. Hi there, I’m Beach Sloth, pleased to meet you. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell released ‘I liked a lot of music in 2009 but apparently did not like myself’. Will this piece change your life? Yes it will. Expect a review of it at some point in the distant to near future. I liked it. It changed my life. Now I’m a toaster thanks to the book. And Lucy K Shaw, having gone to Baltimore, New York, and back to her home, Toronto, has Shabby Doll House coming out tomorrow for all the good little boys and girls. Am I in it? Yes. I am. 

                Baltimore may get a rare appearance from Murdoch. What does he look like? What do you expect a super villain to look like? Murdoch has a bow tie. For some reason villains have to wear bow ties. It is an eighties thing. I grew up during that time but I generally wear full suits with regular ties. I’m not a super villain, at least not yet.  Yes rats here in Baltimore are excited. I do not see rats in Baltimore too often but they are here. Rats in New York, those are big mother fuckers. Here in Baltimore, they are working on it. I do not mess with rats since I’m a sloth. They generally think I’m a piece of moss-covered concrete and leave me alone. 

                Murdoch has been doing a lot lately. In case you haven’t read him you should read him. His canon of work is inspiring.