I will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together by Mira Gonzalez
Mira Gonzalez describes life from a logical point of view. Throughout these poems she brings up recurring themes of drugs, alcohol, eating, sex and loneliness. Sex and loneliness can be the same thing.
Language used is hyper-specific. By using simple language Mira Gonzalez is able to describe deeper emotions. In order to accurately convey her feelings of loneliness which is not the same thing as sadness she describes the most mundane events of parties or waking up in the afternoon. History of her surroundings comes up. Sitting in her car becomes a comfortable experience. Disappointment rears its ugly head from relationships to an inability to breastfeed a small child.
One instance Mira wants to be a clam that buries itself under the sand. Every clam that buries itself makes a choice, to choose to disengage with its surrounding. Benefits of hiding are rampant for a clam. Seagulls have a harder time finding clams under the sand. Hence when a seagull needs a quick snack it will pick another clam, to fly up to the sun with and drop on the ground. The seagull will do this over and over again until the clam’s shell cracks. Mira later acknowledges these dead clams stating a piece of sand is not a piece of sand but a part of a dead clam shell.
Creatures like the clam die so unremarkably that few notice. Hence the dead clam’s carcass blends into the sand itself a symbol of infinity. People try to avoid this feeling of the afterlife’s insignificance by building graveyards. People believe if they bury themselves in a large well-mowed green field that they will have lasting power. This assumption is false. Death is just part of life. Acceptance of the cycle of life is probably the hardest thing to understand. Some people fear death for their whole life. Those people never really live. Mira watches graveyards from the comfort of her car because she has jar coffee to finish. Outside of her car things are less knowable. She likes the security of being alone. Loneliness while sad has benefits like an extreme sense of calm.
Relationships bring something different than calm. Mira analyzes the people. A few times Mira meets a total weirdo like a guy afraid of elevators. That guy is afraid of commitment like ejaculating onto Mira’s stomach. That guy seems completely messed up. Moments occur where Mira wants to be as small as a little fairy guiding a person around. With great tininess comes little responsibility. Shrinking down into the size of nothing reduces the need to have anybody pay attention. Mira would nurture an earlobe relationship. Earlobes are the sweetest parts of a person’s body. Earlobes are the welcome mats of the ears.
Mira Gonzalez understands that being alone is fine. This is why much of the book deals with specific body parts, bones, hands, tip of the nose, back of the ear. Bodies are the most anxiety ridden things people have. ‘I will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together’ is the low-level anxiety of life perfected to an art form.