Shotgun Torso by Brian Warfield
‘Shotgun Torso’ is a life in three parts. For the first part of the primordial ooze, that’s birth. Birth is pretty gross. New people, places, and things are necessary. Middle age is for the production of new people. For whatever reason people like making new people and peopling the Earth. Who knows why? It appears to be maddening. At last there is death. Death is the interview to end all interviews.
Brian Warfield finds himself in ooze. Growing up involves being born. That’s the first step. Hospitals document the birth of children through discharges. Admissions do not count babies. Babies leave. No baby simply enters the hospital. The baby was already there before anything else happened. From there Brian notices a decapitated clown head. Obviously Brian is afraid of clowns. What Brian fails to realize is that decapitated clown heads run America’s economy. On Halloween those ‘pumpkins’ and ‘jack-o-lanterns’ are really shriveled up clown heads put on display. Some children love clowns to try to offset their inevitable decapitation. Nothing can prepare a clown for getting down into the ground.
Getting down is the topic for the mid-section. Brian describes sex. Odors are an important part of sex. That’s why showers after sex are critical. Without those showers there is little way to become clean again. Shoulders are clothes hangers. Various manufacturing groups are well aware of the necessary size of clothes hangers. Brian describes the hotness of toe cleavage. Toes can be very attractive. It is clear that Brian really loves the feet. When a toe shows off its goods it can attract other toes to join the foot. If the toe lacks a proper bust, well then the foot lacks other toes. Few suffer from toeless feet but it is a problem. Thank goodness that toes are such voracious flirts.
Death finishes it. Brian is waiting to eat his cereal, waiting for the food to get all soggy in soy milk. Out of nowhere death reckons it can simply take him away. Brian doesn’t get to eat his cereal. Death is rather rude. The proper thing would be to wait for the cereal first, perhaps wait for Brian to get a cup of coffee so he’s awake during his death. Going through death half-asleep is a wretched way to die. Yet that’s why so many people die in their sleep. Awake it is much easier to defeat death.
For the finale Brian interviews in hell. The bathroom line is too long and the fire hurts. Afterlife makes life look like a joke, which is sort of is. Life is a three-part act.