Parlor: Issue 2
Parlor tricks with true lunatics: this is the aim of the Parlor game. With each additional issue the participants look a tad bit more beautiful. Everyone is busy putting on the parlor level of prettiness. Sarah Jean Alexander is the parlor master. Issue 2 presents something very dear to Beach Sloth’s heart: floating. To float is to have faith. Water will take care of people, animals, etc. if they simply believe. Maybe people float in other things like chlorine-treated water or need the right PH levels for the water, but is the same thing. Hanging out by the beach, pool, or riverside is extraordinarily therapeutic. Good thing these writers acknowledge the importance of floating.
Jackson Nieuwland and Stephen Tully Dierks are jealous of horses. Horses are hung like horses. Clearly this worries Jackson and his faithful companion Stephen. Long commutes help people catch up on social media. Space is the sea of the universe. They get a seaside shanty by Pluto. Here they take the tree way up to the sky. On the tree way there is no traffic. Everything is clear on the tree way. In space penises flop around majestically. Flaccid penises are over space. The reason for it has to do with Black Holes. As soon as a penis comes near a Black Hole it must ‘turtle itself’. If the penis does not do this the penis’s owner feels a tremendous sense of pride at having an ‘infinity dick’ right before the rest of him gets sucked (literally) into a Black Hole.
John Mortara and Rachel Hyman sink to the bottom of the sea. Silence rules that domain. People wade through rivers. On the sea nobody bothers it. Unlike the rest of the world the sea is off limits for the land creates. Rivers get bothered. Beaches get bothered. The world churns in her stomach. Eventually the words come out in a sea of words. Too many words make it easy to drown in text. Reading tends to expand the sea of words until the vast sea of knowledge becomes too daunting.
Zachary Schomburg and Natalie Chin see a woman alone in a boat. No one helps her. Rather she floats away. Not this time she tries to think for the last time. She wants to believe that she is not afraid. The sea can be sad. Loneliness is a hallmark of any sea. Taking up over 70% of the world’s surface the sea remains terribly misunderstood.
Theo Thimo and Noah Cicero spend time with a beloved grandmother. If a grandmother fails to feed her grandchildren she has failed at life. Sweets are one of many benefits of the elderly. Another benefit of being elderly: not having to pay attention to people. With the help of age there is insulation from the world. Hence their grandmother’s house is ancient. Everything is old. Nothing is updated. And it is more charming that way. Living in a brand new house with a brand old grandmother, that’s unfair. Grandmothers need to stay ‘on brand’ by having old everything. Old cookies, old candy, old kitchen the elderly want to have objects reflect their age.
Sarah Jean Alexander is wise to assign every writer an accountability buddy. Having writer friends to handle the high seas is a wonderful thing. Parlor leads the way. Parlor is the compass guiding ships to shore.