Beach Sloth

Everything I know about the Dalai Lama by Mira Gonzalez

                Mira Gonzalez knows bunches about the Dalai Lama. Some say the Dalai Lama is unknowable. That is utter rubbish. One of my friends hung out with the Dalai Lama in Graz, Austria back in the day. Her opinion of him is mostly neutral. While she made him tea he did not return the favor. Thus the revelation he follows no one back on Twitter is unsurprising. To clear one’s mind one must first clear their twitter. 

                I worry about the Dalai Lama’s grape stealing habits. Whole Foods is a good company from what I hear from Whole Foods. And honestly why would a corporation lie to me? Dream of a world where the Dalai Lama pays for those three grapes in Whole Foods. Imagine a perfect world where the Dalai Lama is not bald. Rather he has long, flowing hair and rocks it out occasionally. At concerts the Dalai Lama would rock his head back and forth in a sarcastic/earnest manner. He is the Dalai Lama so he should be able to mean multiple things simultaneously. 

                Knock-knock jokes make us human. Look at Lambchop. There she was, a stuffed animal with a hand up her ass, and she managed to tell knock-knock jokes. Sherry Lewis loved Lambchop. Once Lambchop passed away (bless her heart) she was recycled into a pair of socks. I have those socks. When I wear them they make me aware of the many possibilities I have in life. Maybe I need to give these socks to the Dalai Lama to make his knock-knock jokes strong. 

                The Shrek movies are baby’s first culture. Babies got to learn about culture somehow. If small infants learn about life through Pixar movies I could think of worse things. Watching Shrek movies makes me feel human again, at least the first two. Eh, I’m pretty indifferent towards the second two. Shrek III and Shrek IV can go fuck themselves. 

                Licking a cactus is a euphemism for beard-eating. This worries me. I hope the Dalai Lama is okay. Beard eating is a way to get high. Usually those with ‘eat-able’ beards are alternative culture freaks. One taste of that beard and you are done. Earlier Mira mentions some of the Dalai Lama’s other drug addictions. Those pale in comparison to the beard-eating habit. ‘Once you go beard, you go weird’ is the advertisement being used by the anti-drug council in Idaho and Montana. 

                Mira Gonzalez is going places, probably. The main place Mira Gonzalez is going to: your heart.