Beach Sloth

Matt Romney and Rob Paul 2012

                Political endorsements are not my thing. Staying clear of politics is what I do. They suck you into partisan arguments. Friends become enemies. Certain people at work avoid you. Your parents start to get on your nerves for the same reason. New programs irritate you. An entire MEMEPLEX comes up dedicated to reinforcing or mocking the current party in power. Yet do any of those parties really party? Can they ‘hold their own’? Would the Democratic or Republican parties take you out and show you a good time? No because they are stupid. 

                I endorse the ticket of Matt Romney and Rob Paul for President and Vice President of the United States. This great country, America, a country I love so much, needs leadership. Ever since our Puritan ancestors landed on Plymouth Rock, America has attracted the brightest and dullest. America has a great set of some of the brightest minds in the world, yeah, that’s fine. But does America know how to party? Yes there is a deficit in America. Sure the trade deficit may be a problem but what about the party deficit? I have been to multiple countries in this great world of ours and people always ask me “Do you party”. I always have to say “No, I don’t party, I’m American” and I hang my head real low. This needs to change. I’m sick of going to parties and saying I’m Canadian just to be hip. Since when did Canada become a party hot spot? Most of it is in the Arctic Circle. I’m very worried.

                Matt Romney is a real man. He parties hard. With Matt Romney there is no mention of God. The dude is an atheist. Every night he’s out campaigning and partying. People like to vote for the guy they can have a beer with, you know really get to know. Hang out with Matt Romney and you won’t stop at a single, measly beer. No way, no sir, not in the land of plenty will you have a single beer with the potential future President. Cities know Matt Romney as the man with the stimulus plan for America’s bar-based economy. Along with Rob Paul you’ll have a real blast. 

                Recently their site got hacked. Since then Matt Romney has used his laser eyes to write ‘Partyin’ in big, bold letters, for everything Matt Romney does is bold. Think of a man of action and Matt Romney should come to mind. Look at the man’s twitter. His twitter is the best twitter out of any Presidential candidate. Rob Paul’s twitter is quite amazing as well. Currently Rob Paul is depressed. Poor Rob Paul will be happy when he’s President. I wonder sometimes if Rob Paul is the political version of Spencer Madsen (via depression) or if it is vice-versa. Was Rob’s depression so great as to influence one of the best writers in alt lit right now? Who can ever know? 

                Check out this dynamic duo. See them speak to America, tweet at America, and watch them create partying jobs in America. When Matt Romney and Rob Paul becomes President, America can finally become a net exporter of parties. Let’s make this happen.