I am writing an e-book to get things off my mind by Iris Karuna
Iris is a collector. Nail polish is a currency in some areas. People use nail polish to pay off their mortgages. Others think nail polish is sexy. Many more have nails painted to prevent nibbling. People chew on their nails all the time because they are Zombies, Zombies terrible at their job. Besides nail polish Iris collects words. Years from now she’ll exchange those words for respect. That’s called ‘being articulate’ and it affords a marginal amount of respect.
Bagels anger Iris. Good bagels are easy to cut. They’re soft. Hard bagels have done prison time; hard bagels don’t give a fuck. Knives can’t cut hardened bagels. No knife show can hurt the hardened bagels. Iris is a knife girl wanting to mess up those delectable breakfast treats. Yet each time the bagels defeat her. She cuts her hand. The hard bagels laugh. Next time she should use those microwavable bagels that have given up on life, frozen, longing for death. Frozen bagels are the most depressed creature in the frozen food aisle.
This e-book is written to get her mind off things. Life is crazy. Everybody knows it. Yet people wake up and participate in this crazy world. Iris deforests her mind to prepare for the Zen of e-books. In e-books nobody can spell check your words. PDF form refuses to do that for anybody. Spelling errors glare at their readers, hoping to simply sting themselves into the mind. Iris avoids spelling errors. Thankfully she does not avoid being EMO. Poets need to be EMO. Well-balanced poets are boring. Happy needs sad.
Shy people catch her eye. Those who say little often steal eyesight. That’s part of their scheme. Once the shy people have everybody’s eyes that are when they’ll start talking. Loquacious ones will wonder who is speaking. They’d never heard those voices before. When they hear the new voices they’ll realize they are totally doomed. The shy steal inherit the Earth.
Virgins tend to hang out with each other. Iris doesn’t know what a virgin was as a child. She thought it was something religious, like the Virgin Mary. It is weird since not everybody in the Bible is a virgin. Jesus may or may not have been virgin. The Bible writer bros never state it with any level of accuracy. Omitting that important fact is a bit obnoxious as that means they were bad gossips. How could people follow around a guy for so long and not talk about him behind his back? Perhaps if Judas shit-talked Jesus he might not have betrayed him.
It ends with a pizza. Iris serves herself up as a pizza. This is the perfect ending to any e-book. Every e-book reader is a pizza lover, not a pizza fighter.