Poetry Made of Diamonds by Everybody
A couple of Chicago bros profess their love for Cassandra Gillig. She is beyond flattered, post-flattered in fact. Few know this but she used to be a crab. This should give all crabs a special kind of hope. Crabs can become people. It should give hope for all sorts of gross sea creatures. Beach-dwellers recognize that sad crab walk. While Cassandra may have been happier as a crab she loves her new human life. Several say hi to the chat including Woods, Dierks, and a beautiful white dog.
Cean Gamalinda reads about the pearls for the drowning man. Poor Cean is upstaged for a beautiful white dog. ‘HOWL 2’ comes up thanks to Steve’s suggestion. Cean calls it ‘HOWL 3’ because he doesn’t give any fuck. Elliot Smith becomes Skillrex Smith. Hope Cean is cautious. Many Skrillex fans get really angry about their hero. Good thing Cean is able to sing a happy song about George. ‘Red Lobster’ receives free promotion. For Cean’s Red Lobster shout-out he gets a free basket of cheesy bread. ‘Post-YOLO’ is a new thing. Here Cean hopes for a 40, many times since he is a poet and perhaps an alcoholic. Unflushed toilets are dedicated to his love. That is a lot of toilets. Apparently he has a ton of love. He even brings out an X-Files comparison. X-Files are the most romantic TV show from the 90s.
Chadwick Redden makes it out to Chicago. Normally he chills out in Indianapolis. Yet this is one of his few Chicago appearances. Shutterstock gets some wonderful attention. Many of these search terms for the images are wonderful. A happy photographer makes a ton of money for what he does. Erotic shutterstock images take up much of the poem. Key words and phrases for the erotic seashell: for shell lovers, for tiny crabs to have a beach house, a beach blanket bingo, and beach parties. One picture of a knob is for knob enthusiast. The best one: for barely legal brass knobbers, knob sex.
Many approach the internet. Though they are in a real life poetry reading they feel the need to come close to the computer. People smoke cigarettes. Everybody wants Cassandra Gillig. No matter who is going up to the computer they all know Cassandra Gillig. Probably Cassandra Gillig misses her sweet, sweet city. Mason Johnson looks like Mason Johnson. He does an exceptional job of fulfilling his goals of being himself.
Jeannette Gomes reads about porn stars in her poetry. She’s been in all these cool, hip publications. Out of nowhere she screams out of pure enthusiasm. If ‘bubbly’ was a person and not just a type of alcohol beverage, well Jeannette Gomes would be it. Her sheer joy for life is admirable particularly in the depressive alt lit scene.
Heath Ison gets into the faces of the internet. People in real life are paying attention. The delivery is quite nice. Every word flows from the other word flows from the other word. He asks people to make him look like a shit-bag. This is a hard thing to do. Obviously he is challenging the audience. Chat room residents question his height, his determination.
Rachel Hyman reads with attitude. Her narration is between Judge Judy and a defendant. ‘I would never urinate on a woman of your stature’ the defendant states. Pangur Ban Party receives a reputable and well-deserved ‘shout out’. This is the real life party of the pangurs. She promises to come for the moon soon because she wants to ‘mess up’ the moon.
Russ Woods is out of control. Maybe he’s born with it; maybe it is his facial hair. This pales in comparison with Steve Roggenbuck’s performance. ‘Half-moons’ happen when somebody pulls part of their pants down, but not all the way down. Good think Steve Roggenbuck advises Robin Williams what he can do for five hours. Volume cannot handle Steve. Sonically Steve Roggenbuck is the Mach III of Spreecast. Chat roulette is a big part of Steve’s life. He enjoys watching guys jack their dicks. ‘I want to be the Skrillex of Alt Lit’ – Steve Roggenbuck wants this too badly. Infinite Jest is a huge part of alt lit. Bret Easton Ellis must be pleased.
It ends suddenly and dramatically with thanks to the attendees, both IRL and on the internet as Russ and Steve jump towards the sky.