Anatomy of the Monster by Dolan Morgan

                Dolan Morgan’s story explores the thinking behind a true monster. In his tale, a young understudy and a wise old doctor set sail on the high seas. The seas are intoxicated with substances illegal in most areas of the world. Upon hitting land, or, as the doctor puts it ‘Land, ho’ they immediately meet with a suspiciously animated mayor. Watching the mayor they grow alarmed. The mayor’s violent tendencies are on display as he gyrates maniacally and injures lamps, the only things left to light up his dark life. How can the monster be properly defeated? A true ‘shape-shifter’ the monster lurks everywhere yet nowhere. No true description exists of the dastardly beast. Rather the defenses are put up in hopes of ruining the nasty beast that preys upon the poor townsfolk. With a wall they hope to keep the monster out but that proves to be woefully inadequate. 

                Conventional methods to kill the beast are useless. Tupperware containers cannot contain the vile beast. Rather the vile beast laughs at Tupperware containers since it has no need to store food. Everything the beast wants the beast eats. Besides the beast lacks a fridge to store the human remains. Even if the monster did have a fridge, it would still need a microwave. With a microwave it could efficiently heat up dead bodies of its victims, usually putting in the human bodies for about two and a half minutes. Being a relatively sophisticated monster, the monster is part of the ‘slow food’ movement. The monster’s involvement in the slow food movement explains why it preys on the slow and weak. Getting those weaklings makes its job so much easier. 

                Things go out of control. Despite the best efforts of the doctor to defeat the monster, the monster remains. Fortunately for the good doctor they pay him quite handsomely. Slowly but surely he loads his ship up with gold, silver, and various luxury goods. Upon further investigation the doctor discovers a terrible secret. How he deals with a speaking toe is immeasurably cruel. Toes need to speak. Toes need their space. Confined to shoes toes lack the ability to really say what’s on their minds. Oftentimes all toes want is a little piece of mind, something to function with, like glasses. One toe in particular has a penchant for life insurance. Falling in love with a young strapping lad the lovely couple goes off gallivanting into the wilderness searching for each other and hoping to start a family. 

                Sadly things turn quite sour for the monster. Alone with no friends the monster lives a sad life. There’s no sympathy for the monster. Dolan Morgan makes that painfully clear. Through his epic tale, Dolan points out the beauty of being good to one another.

Anatomy of the Monster by Dolan Morgan

                Dolan Morgan’s story explores the thinking behind a true monster. In his tale, a young understudy and a wise old doctor set sail on the high seas. The seas are intoxicated with substances illegal in most areas of the world. Upon hitting land, or, as the doctor puts it ‘Land, ho’ they immediately meet with a suspiciously animated mayor. Watching the mayor they grow alarmed. The mayor’s violent tendencies are on display as he gyrates maniacally and injures lamps, the only things left to light up his dark life. How can the monster be properly defeated? A true ‘shape-shifter’ the monster lurks everywhere yet nowhere. No true description exists of the dastardly beast. Rather the defenses are put up in hopes of ruining the nasty beast that preys upon the poor townsfolk. With a wall they hope to keep the monster out but that proves to be woefully inadequate. 

                Conventional methods to kill the beast are useless. Tupperware containers cannot contain the vile beast. Rather the vile beast laughs at Tupperware containers since it has no need to store food. Everything the beast wants the beast eats. Besides the beast lacks a fridge to store the human remains. Even if the monster did have a fridge, it would still need a microwave. With a microwave it could efficiently heat up dead bodies of its victims, usually putting in the human bodies for about two and a half minutes. Being a relatively sophisticated monster, the monster is part of the ‘slow food’ movement. The monster’s involvement in the slow food movement explains why it preys on the slow and weak. Getting those weaklings makes its job so much easier. 

                Things go out of control. Despite the best efforts of the doctor to defeat the monster, the monster remains. Fortunately for the good doctor they pay him quite handsomely. Slowly but surely he loads his ship up with gold, silver, and various luxury goods. Upon further investigation the doctor discovers a terrible secret. How he deals with a speaking toe is immeasurably cruel. Toes need to speak. Toes need their space. Confined to shoes toes lack the ability to really say what’s on their minds. Oftentimes all toes want is a little piece of mind, something to function with, like glasses. One toe in particular has a penchant for life insurance. Falling in love with a young strapping lad the lovely couple goes off gallivanting into the wilderness searching for each other and hoping to start a family. 

                Sadly things turn quite sour for the monster. Alone with no friends the monster lives a sad life. There’s no sympathy for the monster. Dolan Morgan makes that painfully clear. Through his epic tale, Dolan points out the beauty of being good to one another.

Dolan Morgan

                Dolan Morgan is a crazy bitchass who doesn’t give a fuck. I mean that in the most sincere way possible, from one crazy bitchass to another. ‘Google Place Reviews’, available on Amazon.com, shows us the mindset of this young, intrepid writer. Rather than ‘write’ a book, he put together Google Place Reviews in two seconds. Then he draws some serious kindergarten style pictures and sells it for two bucks. It is number #63 in its category, ‘Consumer Guides’. 

                Here’s the genius part: he throws your money away. If you read the description on Amazon, he explicitly states it. None of your money is being kept. He wants it free to soar, like the eagle soars. So rather than me go over the inane drivel inside the stupid, stupid book that is total shit, I want to discuss how he goes about throwing away your money. 

                The first one creates its own society. He threw $2 in change on Knickerbocker Avenue. In his Tumblr post, he lets you see where he threw the money. That way an observant person could make a couple of bucks. 200 pennies are enough pennies to start a whole new world. 

                Warning: the second one is rough. He flushes money down the toilet. People take offense to this sort of thing. Dolan is a transgressive writer though, as I stated earlier, he doesn’t give a fuck. Why do you buy his book if he is just going to flush it down the toilet? Plus, he states this and people still purchase it. 

                For the third act, he puts it nearby to where I live. This is true. I go past there on a regular basis. That fence makes a fine gated community. Most of the area around there is quite simply stunning. Dolan tells us the dollars want to sail around the world. I hope they do it. 

                People may be onto Dolan’s method. Perhaps they actually read his blurb about his book. Still, there is a fourth act to this madness. Money demands justice. Money also buys justice, but that’s probably not part of Dolan’s commentary. A dollar anchored by four quarters sits there, waiting for you. 

                I want to travel with Dolan, do some serious ‘on the ground investigative journalism’ stuff with his project. I want to see exactly how he puts the money down. Then I’ll pick it up. We will go get beers at that bar that has arcades. The bar has a snappy title like ‘The Bar that has Arcades’. 

                Usually people throw away money for stupider reasons. Dolan’s project reminds me of Yves Klein’s work, specifically Zones of Immaterial Pictorial Sensibility. Yves sold pieces of empty space to people in exchange for gold. If the owner of the empty space burned the certificate for the space, Yves would dump half the gold into the Seine River, creating a natural balance. I feel Dolan’s work does this to some degree. Obviously an Amazon book does not translate into gold. Seeing how Dolan approaches the idea of ownership and money with such an impish attitude is funny to me. 

                Oh, Dolan. You truly are a crazy bastard. Please let me attend future money actions (time and space permitting).

Dolan Morgan

                Dolan Morgan is a crazy bitchass who doesn’t give a fuck. I mean that in the most sincere way possible, from one crazy bitchass to another. ‘Google Place Reviews’, available on Amazon.com, shows us the mindset of this young, intrepid writer. Rather than ‘write’ a book, he put together Google Place Reviews in two seconds. Then he draws some serious kindergarten style pictures and sells it for two bucks. It is number #63 in its category, ‘Consumer Guides’. 

                Here’s the genius part: he throws your money away. If you read the description on Amazon, he explicitly states it. None of your money is being kept. He wants it free to soar, like the eagle soars. So rather than me go over the inane drivel inside the stupid, stupid book that is total shit, I want to discuss how he goes about throwing away your money. 

                The first one creates its own society. He threw $2 in change on Knickerbocker Avenue. In his Tumblr post, he lets you see where he threw the money. That way an observant person could make a couple of bucks. 200 pennies are enough pennies to start a whole new world. 

                Warning: the second one is rough. He flushes money down the toilet. People take offense to this sort of thing. Dolan is a transgressive writer though, as I stated earlier, he doesn’t give a fuck. Why do you buy his book if he is just going to flush it down the toilet? Plus, he states this and people still purchase it. 

                For the third act, he puts it nearby to where I live. This is true. I go past there on a regular basis. That fence makes a fine gated community. Most of the area around there is quite simply stunning. Dolan tells us the dollars want to sail around the world. I hope they do it. 

                People may be onto Dolan’s method. Perhaps they actually read his blurb about his book. Still, there is a fourth act to this madness. Money demands justice. Money also buys justice, but that’s probably not part of Dolan’s commentary. A dollar anchored by four quarters sits there, waiting for you. 

                I want to travel with Dolan, do some serious ‘on the ground investigative journalism’ stuff with his project. I want to see exactly how he puts the money down. Then I’ll pick it up. We will go get beers at that bar that has arcades. The bar has a snappy title like ‘The Bar that has Arcades’. 

                Usually people throw away money for stupider reasons. Dolan’s project reminds me of Yves Klein’s work, specifically Zones of Immaterial Pictorial Sensibility. Yves sold pieces of empty space to people in exchange for gold. If the owner of the empty space burned the certificate for the space, Yves would dump half the gold into the Seine River, creating a natural balance. I feel Dolan’s work does this to some degree. Obviously an Amazon book does not translate into gold. Seeing how Dolan approaches the idea of ownership and money with such an impish attitude is funny to me. 

                Oh, Dolan. You truly are a crazy bastard. Please let me attend future money actions (time and space permitting).