Platinum Hits: A Blondie Tribute
Leave in to HOUSEFIRE to create a tribute to the one and only wonder from the 80s: Blondie. More than any other artist Blondie has influenced so much about culture pop culture: the paranoia, the fear of being caught, having blond hair, she sort of created it all. Without Blondie would life be a great big glorious thing? No of course it wouldn’t. At least these writers understand the ‘Blondie’ effect is more than an overlooked lonely brownie recipe. This is the real McCoy, the genuine article.
Frances Dinger’s questionnaire for potential mates appears to be considerably better thought out than OK Cupid’s nonsense. Dates from OK Cupid are bleak things. Yet there they are busy bringing young people together out of boredom. Since the matches can’t be perfect they try to at least be adequate. The one question about ‘exciting nuclear war’ is a bad one on OK Cupid. Obviously Francis understands this calling those who answer ‘yes’ total idiots. Despite the awfulness of the question it is by no means the worst thing on that site.
Jess Dutschmann uses the power of science. A man is kept in the cooler. He was born to be a bud. The man enjoyed a good bite of cinnamon toast every now and then. Did Jess love him? Clearly he loved her before his trip into the complete unknown. Without him she feels broken. Thankfully she is taking care of it.
Chelsea Martin wants to not control her obsession. The obsession is healthy. It is good to check in every now and then. Growing further and further away from the initial relationship makes it seem better. Bad parts are airbrushed away thanks to the power of memory. Here Chelsea dreams of egg dreams, happy little dreams involving the cooking and consumption of eggs. While the relationship lives in the past Chelsea lives in an empty now, with an empty bed and a pillow that strong resembles the special someone.
yt sumner eats her teeth. She’s Australian but has great insight into the British psyche or something. British people eat teeth. Perhaps this is part of the reason America broke off from the UK. Americans refused to pay taxes or eat teeth. Either choice was fine but simultaneously it hurt. Much like it hurt summer to leave the beach tasting the sandy goodness mixed with sunscreen on her tongue.
Sarah Jean Alexander designs a special pillow. Embroidered with the finest of hairs she wants to make sure she is remembered. After a certain loser no longer has her over he reads the pillow for the whole afternoon. She stands outside watching it, witnessing the person she previously had loved in his reincarnation into a lonely man.
Paige Gresty recants the tale of a David Bowie encounter. In the 70s David Bowie was awesome. Early 80s he was still okay if a little faded and in the late 80s it was hard to watch or even think of Bowie. Yet there he was on an elevator. Obviously the story could involve hooking up with Bowie or having him talk about music, or really doing anything. But nope Bowie just stood there and she didn’t say a word.
Penny Goring creates the most pornographic circus ever. Life is a porno in a way. Including the elephants seems absurd. The seals too are too much. A ring master tries to bring order to this chaos. The ringmaster fails. Her heart is huge, better than any other heart. During the porno her heartbeat goes out of whack; it is a sensuality attack, just like that. They live everywhere in flames in sea. Rot is smelly. Yet she has the long stare. She’ll be okay.
Meghan Lamb is not the sort of person to meet in a dark alley. In the alleyway she’s brought company, a faceless non-human entity which mimics her every move. The love has been gone for a while. A bed sits growing larger with emptiness. With less space there’s also less affection. For a while the space has been increasing. Less notice and care result from the relationship as the camera fast-forwards, pans and zooms. Somebody’s watching and somebody’s sad.
This is fine collection which honors the legacy of Blondie. One way or another collection is going to find you; it’s going to getcha getcha getcha getcha.