awry by blare coughlin 


                Blare Coughlin explores the limitations of yelling in text. Exploring CAPS LOCK across pages she screams ‘AAA’. For the reader there are poems for high volumes. CAPS LOCK poems break through trees. They become young beings searching for love. Shouting these shout-able poems bring the true energy Blare wants. Her demands to scream the poems should be met, for she is on a mountain and can only hear the screamed beloved words. Youth can scream out the words. Part of being young is to be loud. Elderly, that’s a whole another game, where everything is known and warnings to the youth, to avoid the same mistakes, fall on deaf ears. It wouldn’t be youth if it was rational. Youth typically lacks rationality. 

                Old Of Montreal songs are the best. Back in the Dustin Hoffman phase was when they felt more approachable. Early incarnations of bands are always interesting to see. Here Blare eats carrots with hummus for days on end. Deep inside of her house she hides. Alone in the darkness Bob Ross informs her of happy little trees. What’s weird is how both of these things are deceptive. Despite Of Montreal’s happy sound, they were (and still are) a rather bleak band. Bob Ross paints happy little trees yet the trees can never be happy. Plant life lacks that awareness of good and bad. Blare has this awareness unfortunately. Distraught she reads ‘Cracked.com’ because why not, her brain is gone. ‘Cracked.com’ is the dumbest site on the internet. ‘Cracked.com’ needs to hire real, talented writers like Blare, more poetry, less ‘what country has the quickest ejaculators’. 

                Making friends with minerals is so easy. Blare longs to make friends with the universe. That’s a wee bit trickier. Like the old saying goes ‘In space nobody can feel your hug’. Space is a big cold dead place. Nothing grows in space. Vacuums define space. For some reason people are really fascinated by a giant cold dead thing even though there are small alive things right here on Earth. On Earth those small alive things need support, care, and compassion. Giving some abstraction (because that is all space is) that same level of affection seems unwarranted. 

                Every life has a few moments that give it bright color. Some of these moments last a while. A few can be literally just a scene. Blare remembers some of her favorite moments in life. Pianos are included. Rooftops are too. Oftentimes rooftops are where the best things happen. More people should have rooftop parties in the summertime, it is like claiming victory over the ground and saying quite clearly ‘Ah yes gravity we have defeated you’. Gravity needs to be put into its place every now and again anyway. Even that moment where gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton was a perfect moment in life. Plus he got a free apple. 

                By far the saddest story is her hope of eating a Subway sandwich. Blare dreams of a Subway sandwich. For most people that would be a nightmare. Sandwich dreams require a better sandwich place than Subway. Whilst millions do ‘Eat Fresh’ each and every day, they fail to know that the phrase ‘Eat Fresh’ technically means ‘With 3 to 6 months’. Yes freshness means all sorts of things to all sorts of people. No two people are fresh in quite the same way. At least her sandwich fillings list shows promise. Marshmallow fluff is a good sandwich filling. Ambrosia is an even better one. One time, when Beach Sloth was a mere lad, he asked about one particular sandwich filling. Upon being told about the sandwich filling, Beach Sloth stated ‘No wonder it is the nectar of the Gods’. The store clerk laughed because it was such a ridiculously nerdy thing to say, yet oddly sweet. That’s how Beach Sloth rolls. 

                It ends with Blare’s revelation that she too hangs out in kitchens during parties. At parties kitchens are safe places. Easy to hide behind tables and countertops, they are difficult to outright destroy. She eventually conquers the balcony at the party. However in her book Blare conquers something different: the reader’s heart. ‘awry’s stories are so affectionate, so full of life, they simply make the reader want to scream for joy. That’s why she uses CAPS LOCK: to help the reader along.

awry by blare coughlin

                Blare Coughlin explores the limitations of yelling in text. Exploring CAPS LOCK across pages she screams ‘AAA’. For the reader there are poems for high volumes. CAPS LOCK poems break through trees. They become young beings searching for love. Shouting these shout-able poems bring the true energy Blare wants. Her demands to scream the poems should be met, for she is on a mountain and can only hear the screamed beloved words. Youth can scream out the words. Part of being young is to be loud. Elderly, that’s a whole another game, where everything is known and warnings to the youth, to avoid the same mistakes, fall on deaf ears. It wouldn’t be youth if it was rational. Youth typically lacks rationality. 

                Old Of Montreal songs are the best. Back in the Dustin Hoffman phase was when they felt more approachable. Early incarnations of bands are always interesting to see. Here Blare eats carrots with hummus for days on end. Deep inside of her house she hides. Alone in the darkness Bob Ross informs her of happy little trees. What’s weird is how both of these things are deceptive. Despite Of Montreal’s happy sound, they were (and still are) a rather bleak band. Bob Ross paints happy little trees yet the trees can never be happy. Plant life lacks that awareness of good and bad. Blare has this awareness unfortunately. Distraught she reads ‘Cracked.com’ because why not, her brain is gone. ‘Cracked.com’ is the dumbest site on the internet. ‘Cracked.com’ needs to hire real, talented writers like Blare, more poetry, less ‘what country has the quickest ejaculators’. 

                Making friends with minerals is so easy. Blare longs to make friends with the universe. That’s a wee bit trickier. Like the old saying goes ‘In space nobody can feel your hug’. Space is a big cold dead place. Nothing grows in space. Vacuums define space. For some reason people are really fascinated by a giant cold dead thing even though there are small alive things right here on Earth. On Earth those small alive things need support, care, and compassion. Giving some abstraction (because that is all space is) that same level of affection seems unwarranted. 

                Every life has a few moments that give it bright color. Some of these moments last a while. A few can be literally just a scene. Blare remembers some of her favorite moments in life. Pianos are included. Rooftops are too. Oftentimes rooftops are where the best things happen. More people should have rooftop parties in the summertime, it is like claiming victory over the ground and saying quite clearly ‘Ah yes gravity we have defeated you’. Gravity needs to be put into its place every now and again anyway. Even that moment where gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton was a perfect moment in life. Plus he got a free apple. 

                By far the saddest story is her hope of eating a Subway sandwich. Blare dreams of a Subway sandwich. For most people that would be a nightmare. Sandwich dreams require a better sandwich place than Subway. Whilst millions do ‘Eat Fresh’ each and every day, they fail to know that the phrase ‘Eat Fresh’ technically means ‘With 3 to 6 months’. Yes freshness means all sorts of things to all sorts of people. No two people are fresh in quite the same way. At least her sandwich fillings list shows promise. Marshmallow fluff is a good sandwich filling. Ambrosia is an even better one. One time, when Beach Sloth was a mere lad, he asked about one particular sandwich filling. Upon being told about the sandwich filling, Beach Sloth stated ‘No wonder it is the nectar of the Gods’. The store clerk laughed because it was such a ridiculously nerdy thing to say, yet oddly sweet. That’s how Beach Sloth rolls. 

                It ends with Blare’s revelation that she too hangs out in kitchens during parties. At parties kitchens are safe places. Easy to hide behind tables and countertops, they are difficult to outright destroy. She eventually conquers the balcony at the party. However in her book Blare conquers something different: the reader’s heart. ‘awry’s stories are so affectionate, so full of life, they simply make the reader want to scream for joy. That’s why she uses CAPS LOCK: to help the reader along.

mispronunciations by Blare Coughlin
                Blare invites the reader to come read words. The suggestion should be taken up. Love poems are the best. With these little snippets, a piece of history, conversation, and memory, Blare takes the reader down a path into his own mind. Does this require anything heavy? All it requires is the reader is true. Readers must remember Blare is standing tall at the corner of parties. If Blare is standing tall that means others need to get on their tippy-toes. 
                Philosophy of coffee is important. Multiple countries run on coffee. America runs on Dunkin’. Whatever Canada runs on must be stronger. Canada is really cold. They need strong coffee to deal with the extreme weather. Blare describes the coffee-drinking ritual passed down from generations. Sugar goes last. Stirring is unimportant. Sweetness is. That’s why writing love poems on the internet are key to Blare’s survival. With the power of love poems Blare can do laundry, fall in love on ladders and roofs. Blare even enjoys a little ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ play. 
                Age interests young virile Blare. This is interesting. Does age allow people to get away with more? Here Blare suggests that yes, it does. From thirty to sixty five people are expected to act appropriately. Before then people go nuts as kids and as twenty-somethings. Upon the age of thirty people need to settle down or something. That’s the international law. International law is stupid. Blare discovers the truth: grandparents are the freest people on the planet. After they survive that weird thirty five year stretch they renew their lease on life. The elderly lease on life says ‘Go nuts’. It is similar to the twenty-something lease, only with savings and a pension. 
                The backstory is fascinating. Poor rainforest on St. Croix never gave a shit. Blare drove a sweet Land cruiser. Blare is some sort of swamp buggy badass. Anyway Blare even had a job there of renting gear to stupid tourists who didn’t know any better. Blare knew better. Blare ran that shop with ‘pizzazz’ and ‘spunk’. Strange that Blare thought of loneliness at age fourteen. Generally fourteen year olds are pissed off. Feeling anything besides a pissed off feeling is a sign that a teenage may grow up to become a decent person. 
                Delicious tear tea is mentioned. Blare states to make it from one’s very own tears. This is unusual. Tear tea is more satisfying when it uses somebody else’s tears. Maybe they make tear tea differently in Canada. At least Canada’s stance on uncles is roughly the same. Uncles ruin all the fun. Even fun uncles have a hard problem to overcome. Whoever grows up without uncles is living a beautiful life free of worry. 
                It ends with a valentine to the reader. Blare is in love with everyone. That’s why this EBOOK is free. By reading it Blare gets to know the reader and love them.

mispronunciations by Blare Coughlin

                Blare invites the reader to come read words. The suggestion should be taken up. Love poems are the best. With these little snippets, a piece of history, conversation, and memory, Blare takes the reader down a path into his own mind. Does this require anything heavy? All it requires is the reader is true. Readers must remember Blare is standing tall at the corner of parties. If Blare is standing tall that means others need to get on their tippy-toes. 

                Philosophy of coffee is important. Multiple countries run on coffee. America runs on Dunkin’. Whatever Canada runs on must be stronger. Canada is really cold. They need strong coffee to deal with the extreme weather. Blare describes the coffee-drinking ritual passed down from generations. Sugar goes last. Stirring is unimportant. Sweetness is. That’s why writing love poems on the internet are key to Blare’s survival. With the power of love poems Blare can do laundry, fall in love on ladders and roofs. Blare even enjoys a little ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ play. 

                Age interests young virile Blare. This is interesting. Does age allow people to get away with more? Here Blare suggests that yes, it does. From thirty to sixty five people are expected to act appropriately. Before then people go nuts as kids and as twenty-somethings. Upon the age of thirty people need to settle down or something. That’s the international law. International law is stupid. Blare discovers the truth: grandparents are the freest people on the planet. After they survive that weird thirty five year stretch they renew their lease on life. The elderly lease on life says ‘Go nuts’. It is similar to the twenty-something lease, only with savings and a pension. 

                The backstory is fascinating. Poor rainforest on St. Croix never gave a shit. Blare drove a sweet Land cruiser. Blare is some sort of swamp buggy badass. Anyway Blare even had a job there of renting gear to stupid tourists who didn’t know any better. Blare knew better. Blare ran that shop with ‘pizzazz’ and ‘spunk’. Strange that Blare thought of loneliness at age fourteen. Generally fourteen year olds are pissed off. Feeling anything besides a pissed off feeling is a sign that a teenage may grow up to become a decent person. 

                Delicious tear tea is mentioned. Blare states to make it from one’s very own tears. This is unusual. Tear tea is more satisfying when it uses somebody else’s tears. Maybe they make tear tea differently in Canada. At least Canada’s stance on uncles is roughly the same. Uncles ruin all the fun. Even fun uncles have a hard problem to overcome. Whoever grows up without uncles is living a beautiful life free of worry. 

                It ends with a valentine to the reader. Blare is in love with everyone. That’s why this EBOOK is free. By reading it Blare gets to know the reader and love them.