& roaring & roaring by Jess Dutschmann


                Jess Dutschmann likes big guts and she cannot lie. To prove one’s worthiness in summoning the devil Jess will need proof of guts. Summoning the devil entails using one’s entrails. That’s Jess’s position. She’s not moving from it at all. In fact this is not merely a state law but a federal law. Summoning the devil without guts is a crime punishable by either seven years in prison or a $250,000. Devils don’t come cheap. Evil is expensive. Golden feathers will pay for part of the devil’s fee, hence why Jess collects them. Also Jess really digs golden feathers in general and hopes to sell them at ‘Of Montreal’ concerts to aging hipsters. Fillings are legitimate currency for the devil. In fact the devil typically likes it when pain and suffering is involved in payment.  
 
                Hummingbirds die in mid-air. Hummingbirds have their hearts beat so fast because they love the world. Other animals bother the hummingbirds. By experiencing everything the hummingbird feels satisfied. No retirement plan is necessary for the hummingbird. 401Ks have yet to be introduced to the most YOLO of birds. In fact hummingbirds are so small and so fast nobody even notices them. Hence they take lots of camera phone pictures without any sense of guilt of privilege. 

                Lost is brought up. Millions of Americans loved Lost. Beach Sloth never got into Lost. To Beach Sloth Lost looked like ‘Gilligan’s Island’ with more sex appeal and less sense. Apparently Jess agrees with Beach Sloth. Everybody who thought Lost was amazing was outright foolish. Lost searched for serious weirdness when that already happened in the nineties and was called ‘Twin Peaks’ and didn’t suck. As a bonus the weirdness of Lost will hopefully ‘set the stage’ for real, intense, deeply confusing weirdness with a full-bodied taste. 

                Kids scream at the end. This is a good ending. Jess chastises the whole scene. Happy boys are a worrisome quandary. Youth shouldn’t allow for this sort of thing. As a form of punishment there will be feeding frenzies. Obviously what happened was the devil came up to a dance. Normally nothing happens at dances. Screaming is rare at a dance except for the really good ones. A devil at a dance creates wonderful opportunities. Evil is generally pretty good at dancing, hence why the devil can really rock out with a fiddle when the occasion arises. 

                Jess Dutschmann is a lion. Do not mess with her.

& roaring & roaring by Jess Dutschmann

                Jess Dutschmann likes big guts and she cannot lie. To prove one’s worthiness in summoning the devil Jess will need proof of guts. Summoning the devil entails using one’s entrails. That’s Jess’s position. She’s not moving from it at all. In fact this is not merely a state law but a federal law. Summoning the devil without guts is a crime punishable by either seven years in prison or a $250,000. Devils don’t come cheap. Evil is expensive. Golden feathers will pay for part of the devil’s fee, hence why Jess collects them. Also Jess really digs golden feathers in general and hopes to sell them at ‘Of Montreal’ concerts to aging hipsters. Fillings are legitimate currency for the devil. In fact the devil typically likes it when pain and suffering is involved in payment.  

 

                Hummingbirds die in mid-air. Hummingbirds have their hearts beat so fast because they love the world. Other animals bother the hummingbirds. By experiencing everything the hummingbird feels satisfied. No retirement plan is necessary for the hummingbird. 401Ks have yet to be introduced to the most YOLO of birds. In fact hummingbirds are so small and so fast nobody even notices them. Hence they take lots of camera phone pictures without any sense of guilt of privilege. 

                Lost is brought up. Millions of Americans loved Lost. Beach Sloth never got into Lost. To Beach Sloth Lost looked like ‘Gilligan’s Island’ with more sex appeal and less sense. Apparently Jess agrees with Beach Sloth. Everybody who thought Lost was amazing was outright foolish. Lost searched for serious weirdness when that already happened in the nineties and was called ‘Twin Peaks’ and didn’t suck. As a bonus the weirdness of Lost will hopefully ‘set the stage’ for real, intense, deeply confusing weirdness with a full-bodied taste. 

                Kids scream at the end. This is a good ending. Jess chastises the whole scene. Happy boys are a worrisome quandary. Youth shouldn’t allow for this sort of thing. As a form of punishment there will be feeding frenzies. Obviously what happened was the devil came up to a dance. Normally nothing happens at dances. Screaming is rare at a dance except for the really good ones. A devil at a dance creates wonderful opportunities. Evil is generally pretty good at dancing, hence why the devil can really rock out with a fiddle when the occasion arises. 

                Jess Dutschmann is a lion. Do not mess with her.