Can someone do something exciting so I can care about the internet again? By Gabby Bess
For a mere moment I thought about Megan Boyle’s live blog and how it was a beautiful thing to behold. The Internet is at its best when it gets to be honest. To be gone with the humor gone with the darkness the Internet simply exists, a living breathing organism ready to absorb other living breathing organisms. Megan Boyle and Gabby Bess express what it means to be alive at exactly this precise moment in time, that’s why I love their work so much. They simply are and to me that’s an extremely straightforward way to be. To be honest I can’t do that. I have to always be funny because I have nothing else to go on, no deep insight into the human psyche because I’m not that kind of person. Instead I do things differently. Completely focusing on this thought of how to make the Internet interesting I sat for a spell.
I figured it out. I would fall from space and live-tweet my fall from the Heavens. I approached Red Bull to give them the idea for a crazy advertisement that would for the first time show a sloth falling from space. At first Red Bull hesitated wondering if there was a large enough sloth market for its product. I explained how sloths would be ideal Red Bull customers due to their slow metabolism and inability to stay up for longer than forty five minutes. Upon further discussions I would be sponsored by Red Bull as I fell from space. Their only request was that I make sure to throw in subtle Red Bull advertisements along with my tweets. With Red Bull’s help I was going to make people care about the Internet again.
The world looked small before I fell from space. I saw everything, the clouds, the water, the ground, some random stuff. It looked fairly legit. After my space instructor pushed me out of the space craft I began my descent from the stars into the sky. I knew if I live-tweeted my fall from space I would gain ten, possibly twenty twitter followers. Of course I could talk about how live-tweeting my fall from space made me appreciate the rich smooth taste of Red Bull but I’ll let the tweets speak for themselves for twitter is my jam and I spread it on toast every morning.
Whoa falling from space is a real blast
Seeing the beautiful endless blue ocean reminds me of the cool blue part of the Red Bull can
This is probably the same view that Russian dog saw a couple decades ago
Man I am really pumped about falling through miles of empty space with a sweet caffeine buzz going on
Did you know that Red Bull comes in a caffeine free form called Red Bull Total Zero? The name seems really appropriate.
About to hit the Earth because gravity
The best part about being alive on the Internet is how affordable caffeine and insomnia have become