Seasonal Asshole Disorder
Many people came out for this particular reading. The applause is palpable. Buttercup brings the laptop around. Everyone around him is highly disorientated. People drink in real life. On the internet people watch. The internet may or may not be drinking. It is hard to say.
Alexander Seedman begins with ‘Metal Gear Solid makes me solid’. Here he compares his life to that of the many flavors of Dr. Pepper. Poetry can be silly sometimes. Everyone around begins to become a little quiet. Libertarians are critiqued.
Spencer Madsen reads. ‘Tyco the Dog’ is a weird Twitter for his brother’s dog. Corgis receive a lot of pain. Despite the cruelty there is no protection of the Corgi. Here Spencer knows little about the Wales. Called ‘fucked animals’ the Corgis live a sad life. Tweets receive a lot of laughter. For every single sweet there’s laughing. Weirdly this happens for every single twitter reading. Stand-up comedy relies on Twitter feeds. Every successful tweet is just another stand-up joke.
Colin Drohan hates on food that makes him sick. The handheld lifestyle is maintained with his reading. Obviously Colin is the best dressed out of everyone at the reading. Exceeding even Buttercup’s sunglasses at night wearing persona Colin rocks out with that shirt. Alt Lit is extremely stylish. That’s why Beach Sloth is anonymous. Beach Sloth can’t compare with these youngsters today.
Buttercup feels an overwhelming urge to be penetrated. Sex is a huge part of Buttercup’s brand. On a now-famous Forumspring post he rated people based off of his sexual interest. Many of those on his list got a ‘butt’ category. This category included amazing writers. ‘Every astronaut I did sex with’ is perhaps the best name of any poem.
Jenny Nelson talks of her hands. The hands do not move during sex. Body parts can touch. Clearly stating she doesn’t want to touch with the arms. Girls compliment her hair. Her hair is pixie style. Pixie style is coming back. It is a 90s revival thing. Other thing coming back: the awesome polka dot shirt. At least it looked like a polka dot shirt. Her reading felt really concise like she was sober or relatively more sober than the rest of the room.
Ed Halliday brings the microphone close to his mouth. Multiple people on the internet comment on his eyebrows. The audience does a rare thing and is completely quiet. Honestly Ed’s work is one of those great hidden secrets. Every time Ed reads he ‘crushes it’. The audience becomes an aluminum can. After Ed collects the audience of aluminum cans he gets a sweet nickel for each person. ‘Motorboating your looks’ sounds pretty erotic.
Mira Gonzalez controls the chaos. Just kidding she can’t. By now the audience has gone mad with power. Recently she released her Sorry House book to great fanfare with at least one rapper in attendance for the release earlier this week. Finally people shut up. Her reading involves the poem about James Franco burning to death. It is a wonderful poem. James Franco has a response to that poem which begins ‘Blah Blah random poet, blah blah I was in Spiderman’.
Willis Plummer and Megan Boyle come together for a reading that cannot be missed. It is impossible. First there’s Willis’s beautiful moustache. Megan’s hair is equally radiant. The poetry reading turns serious. Megan and Willis read in a serious type manner. Everyone claps along with the sweet jam. Willis feels like a suicidal cheese ball. This is worrisome. Willis has many reasons to live, like mating with other cheese balls. From here they reach important topics like Tao Lin using his ass as breasts. Both Willis and Megan own these series of hypothetical situations.
Stephen Tully Dierks ‘crushes’ it re: oblivion. People scream at the top of their lungs. Everyone jumps up and down. Documentary movies are not for Stephen. Here Stephen reads from his Thought Catalog work. Thought Catalog is better off for Stephen’s participation. Urination is an important part of Stephen’s life.
Everyone finds a corner. The window is opened a crack and everyone is sucked out into space. While the Alt Lit readers are floating into space they continue to have excellent Wi-Fi. Eventually they settle back down in different parts of Brooklyn. Thus Alt Lit continues to be nurtured by the beauty of Brooklyn.