Is Alt Lit better than James Franco?



               James Franco is the wannabe of Alt Lit. Nobody can compare. Unlike Alt Lit though people seem to indulge James Franco in whatever he does. Jack of all trades, master of none, James Franco’s ambitions are out of control. Rumors that James Franco blogs anonymously on behalf of Alt Lit are flatter than two-day old seltzer water and have since been dispelled. With all of James Franco’s sultry good looks it can be hard to forget that he sucks. In spite of this inherent vice people continue to pay James Franco for his body of questionable work.




               Yahoo News, in keeping with their journalistic integrity, commissioned James Franco to write a poem. Later this year James Franco’s first collection of poetry entitled ‘Strongest of the Litter’ will be released by Graywolf Press. Obviously the title sticks as the rest of the rejected poems were too pathetic to be granted inclusion into Franco’s inaugural poetry chapbook. Already the advance praise for James Franco’s collection is busy being written. Blurbs such as ‘as attractive as this pile of money he sent with the galley copy’ ‘hope by saying this is great I can meet him’ and ‘the best thing he has done since Spider-man’ have been circulating around the internet. These falter in comparison to Franco’s latest work, a poem dedicated to the reelection of the President of the United States, Barack Obama. 





                 The poem is read in the shadows. This is probably because James Franco is trying to look mysterious even though everyone on the planet has seen him for his performances in the blockbuster franchise ‘Spider-man’. What is interesting is not what is said in the poem but what is left unsaid. Sure James Franco appears to write about everything and try to touch upon everything like an overreaching octopus but there are basic questions brought up by the poem. Oddly talent-related questions are not the ones which come to mind. 





               A lot of the poem relies on history. James Franco is well versed in history with his poem attempting to conjure up images of a grand past followed by his own charmed present. The future is explicitly left out of it. Barack Obama is mentioned in the poem as ‘He knew me from Spider-man’. In fact the beginning of James Franco’s 1,100 page autobiography starts out with a similar line, stating simply ‘Call me Spider-man’. What’s interesting is how Barack Obama failed to mention James Franco’s greatest accomplishment, that of ‘Freaks and Geeks’ an amazing show. James Franco played an underachieving loser just trying to get by. In some ways James Franco is living that character’s future by half-assing everything and failing to pick one thing and become good at it. 




               Perhaps at some point in the future James Franco will come together. All of his interests and intelligence show he can pull it together to create a big beautiful thing. Currently James Franco appears to take on too much without properly finishing anything. Sloths know to pick one thing and do it over and over again until it becomes marginally less embarrassing. James Franco must embrace his inner sloth or forever be reduced to the phrase ‘He knew me from Spider-man’. So yes, Alt Lit is better than James Franco.

Is Alt Lit better than James Franco?

               James Franco is the wannabe of Alt Lit. Nobody can compare. Unlike Alt Lit though people seem to indulge James Franco in whatever he does. Jack of all trades, master of none, James Franco’s ambitions are out of control. Rumors that James Franco blogs anonymously on behalf of Alt Lit are flatter than two-day old seltzer water and have since been dispelled. With all of James Franco’s sultry good looks it can be hard to forget that he sucks. In spite of this inherent vice people continue to pay James Franco for his body of questionable work.

               Yahoo News, in keeping with their journalistic integrity, commissioned James Franco to write a poem. Later this year James Franco’s first collection of poetry entitled ‘Strongest of the Litter’ will be released by Graywolf Press. Obviously the title sticks as the rest of the rejected poems were too pathetic to be granted inclusion into Franco’s inaugural poetry chapbook. Already the advance praise for James Franco’s collection is busy being written. Blurbs such as ‘as attractive as this pile of money he sent with the galley copy’ ‘hope by saying this is great I can meet him’ and ‘the best thing he has done since Spider-man’ have been circulating around the internet. These falter in comparison to Franco’s latest work, a poem dedicated to the reelection of the President of the United States, Barack Obama. 

                 The poem is read in the shadows. This is probably because James Franco is trying to look mysterious even though everyone on the planet has seen him for his performances in the blockbuster franchise ‘Spider-man’. What is interesting is not what is said in the poem but what is left unsaid. Sure James Franco appears to write about everything and try to touch upon everything like an overreaching octopus but there are basic questions brought up by the poem. Oddly talent-related questions are not the ones which come to mind. 

               A lot of the poem relies on history. James Franco is well versed in history with his poem attempting to conjure up images of a grand past followed by his own charmed present. The future is explicitly left out of it. Barack Obama is mentioned in the poem as ‘He knew me from Spider-man’. In fact the beginning of James Franco’s 1,100 page autobiography starts out with a similar line, stating simply ‘Call me Spider-man’. What’s interesting is how Barack Obama failed to mention James Franco’s greatest accomplishment, that of ‘Freaks and Geeks’ an amazing show. James Franco played an underachieving loser just trying to get by. In some ways James Franco is living that character’s future by half-assing everything and failing to pick one thing and become good at it. 

               Perhaps at some point in the future James Franco will come together. All of his interests and intelligence show he can pull it together to create a big beautiful thing. Currently James Franco appears to take on too much without properly finishing anything. Sloths know to pick one thing and do it over and over again until it becomes marginally less embarrassing. James Franco must embrace his inner sloth or forever be reduced to the phrase ‘He knew me from Spider-man’. So yes, Alt Lit is better than James Franco.

  1. thaisbenoit reblogged this from beachsloth and added:
    hear, hear
  2. belishabeacons said: yup
  3. beachsloth posted this