Beach Sloth

Screaming Seahorse

                Issue Five is here. Right when I was thinking ‘Alt lit has taken a NAP’ I get wonderfulness. Everything I could want. Some of these are writers we don’t see often. Walter brings this out each month. I’ll admit: there’s something to be said for its punctuality. 

                Jacob Steinberg, that wild New York come Florida come Argentina resident, begins. It is easier to be mad than sad. Some people never learn. They rage their whole lives. Rage-o-holics, they drink in coffee, Red Bull, and their deep disappointment. Wonder if Jacob will ever become a true fox. Jacob is foxy but that’s not quite the same thing as being a literal fox. Foxes generally don’t like avocados. Foxes call avocados ‘YUPPIE food’. 

                Beach Sloth is here. That’s me. I write about burning out and re-generating again. You can burn out. It’s okay. Give yourself time if you need it. Come back though. People here miss you. Happy that writing works in cycles. When you come back I’ll hug you so tight. 

                Roshan Abraham is anti-car. Cars feel bad. It isn’t their fault people use them. I like the ‘Occupy Car Street’ here. Roshan isn’t the first one to want streets to be occupied by people. Hunter S. Thompson ran for mayor of Aspen and promised two things: 1. to rename Aspen ‘Fat City’ 2. To destroy the roads and replace them with grassy knolls. Hunter almost won. 

                Dianna Dragonetti is an industrial child. She lives in a city of gray. Plumes of smoke don’t float into oblivion. It’s called ‘the atmosphere’. Kids rolling cigarettes seems hip. That’s what all the smokers do in the coolest parts of the city. Acne is the new asphalt. Pock-marks are pot holes. 

                Stephanie Cook is on the rise. That’s why she’s a cook. I feel scared sometimes, when I’m away from my computer. Without the internet I can’t confirm the validity of what I’m saying. 

                Colin Drohin writes a sweet speck of Peking duck. Poor guy he can’t handle the duck. I am impressed though: two trips to China are not cheap. 

                Serge Astapkov knows how to Gchat. Unfortunately I know this life. Apartment sharing can be weird. You never know if your other roommate likes/dislikes you. Reading the OK Cupid part is tough. I remember using OK Cupid. Most OK Cupid dates ended the same way they did for Serge. Serge, it gets better. Trust me. 22 is a tough year. 

                Chris Rutherford is no failure. He’s successful. As people get older they set their expectations too high. Others do this too. At some point there’s going to be ‘Aw man’. That’s commonly referred to as your twenties. 

                Caleb Bouchard offers sound advice. Grapefruit is a great way to start your day. I am not convinced of the benefits of Satan. Kissing is wonderful. Everybody kisses. Sorry lip-less people you have it tough. The moon can’t even look at Caleb. The moon is a control freak over the tides. Leave them tides alone. 

                Benjamin King rules. I think Benjamin knows this about himself. Taylor Swift gets a complete remake in this poem. What is this exactly? Did Benjamin write the first flarf history poem? This may become a thing now. Happy Benjamin creates new alt lit genres. Proud of what Taylor Swift did way back when. 

                LK Shaw writes her life. She lives it too. I like the perspective she takes on living in Canada. Canada is far north. I barely understand that mystical place. A several hour bus ride without headphones is hell. Texts they send are affectionate. Yet there’s confusion about their relationship. They seem about as happy as people can be. Feel they are a good, honest couple. 

                Willis Plummer worries about excreting waste out of his anus. I worry too. Every day I take some toilet paper home with me from work just to be safe. Spiders scare Willis. Hope he fails in killing off bees. Bees are at least useful. WASPS, I despise them. How do hikikomori kids earn money? If they have a revenue stream I may be interested in becoming one. 

                Walter Mackey tweets hard. He kisses harder. These are sweet tweets. I like how he edits them to go from kiss to when back to kiss. Even as he says he each one of these absurd lines they are a story about love. Personally I’m a fan of the ‘tweet series’ where all tweets relate to each other either in style or content. Walter takes this method with twitter. Walter’s other method is ‘sassy’. 

                Jesse Prado tells us the story of Chad. They attend a fast food joint. I’m against fast food. I want my food to be as slow as possible. Waiter or waitress takes your time with me. Nothing requires my immediate attention. Swim hard young ones. 

                Shane Jesse Christmass ends it. The Concierge is a messed up guy. He wants to bite chunks of people’s throats. That’s inappropriate for a concierge. Ruins lie. The city is gone. April isn’t the idea month to riot. November is a revolutionary month. April rains too much. 

                Happy this wonderful collection, started months ago, continues unabated. Walter works hard at this whole internet thing. With Screaming Seahorses, Walter boosts others. Bless you northern neighbor.