Ode to Plain Yogurt by Catalina Gallagher

                Yogurt is the food that changed the world. Before yogurt came about the world was a dark place. People did not know what to do with themselves. Millions of people died due to a lack of yogurt in their lives. Individuals now living live a life of luxury of delicious yummy yogurt. With this is mind Catalina Gallagher presents an Ode to Plain Yogurt. Individuals might want to sit down when they watch this life-changing video. 

                Ever since yogurt busted out on the scene like a sex machine yogurt has gotten fancier and fancier. New features are added to yogurt with every new technological advance. Long ago a person had only plain yogurt. Today’s yogurt has a lot more features. For one yogurt can be consumed in tube form for extreme activity. Brand new yogurt contains anti-lock brakes an important feature if yogurt ever skids on frozen ice. Sure a person could put snow tires on yogurt but that makes yogurt far more cumbersome. 

                The world of yogurt suffered a few blows during the financial meltdown of 2007. Sub-prime mortgages adversely affected the yogurt market. Overnight yogurt derivatives became worthless. Individuals who made a killing in collateralized yogurt found themselves with worthless yogurt. With the help of the US government and coordinated efforts across the world the yogurt market had to be bailed out to the tune of nearly ninety billion dollars, most of which has been paid back with interest by international yogurt business consortiums. Many argued that the ‘too big to fail’ yogurt conglomerates needed to be broken up. However with over thirty million people employed by the yogurt industry in the US alone, the yogurt industry is an important backbone of the US economy. 

                Catalina Gallagher keeps this in mind as she composes perhaps her greatest masterpiece. Akin to the great American novel if the great American novel was a twelve second YouTube video, Catalina Gallagher wows the viewer. Unlike a boring author she gets right to the point. Multiple people who watched the video claim its therapeutic effects cured them of their blindness. Yes the power of culture is too great to possibly ignore. Life goes on for yogurt. No yogurt can compare with the exquisite genius that Catalina Gallagher possesses. Unlike Catalina Gallagher, yogurt cannot compose melodies. Additionally yogurt is yogurt. Catalina Gallagher’s artwork proves she is more than yogurt she is a true legend.

The Lack Thereof by Various Artists

               Matthew Sherling has a way of doing things. His way tends to be incredible. With “Light” as the first them Matthew Sherling gets to see exactly how things look in different light. Fortunately the diverse group of writers helps to make it happen. Clearly light means a lot to them like it does for the majority of humanity. 

                Jayinee Basu sees the light hit a pornographic magazine. In the right light everything can be beautiful even the sadness that is an abandoned pornographic magazine, left alone by its purchaser to wait for curious adolescents. Angles are meant for light to find a way into the darkness. Such things matter greatly in big cities where everything is about the view. Movement tends to conflict people whether they are moving quickly enough, too quickly, or just right. Suffering suffers in the darkness and light. Unfortunately an individual’s experience remains mostly interesting to that individual. Poetry tries to bridge that gap by using abstraction, allowing the audience to see the abstractions in new ways. 

                Ashley Opheim knows how fast the light goes. The problem with light is that it has to deal with darkness so ineffectively. Years of light pass through darkness. Individuals on Earth see the light and think foolishly that it is immediate. Nothing is immediate. Every beam of sunlight is about five minutes old ready to give new life with its old self. People occupy the spaces between birth and death. Life is meant to be lived in the sunlight with the darkness beckoning new dreamers to come up with beautiful new worlds. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell understands the light as a lie. Hiding things in light is a common practice. Darkness reveals quite a bit. Eyes adjust to the darkness and see new realities. At night people act differently. This is taken into account by law enforcement officials who give stiffer penalties for the same behavior at night. Nobody wants to get bother during the absence of light. Humanity has taken the darkness to mean to take a break from the world. 

                Rod Naquin realizes the night is a grave for light. Like a grave the light emerges as a series of Zombies coming out of lamp posts hoping to have serious power over the darkness. They fail yet their failure allows for drowsy spirits to rest. Daybreak sears through the night’s darkness willing to herald a new day. Angel of the light the sun comes to banish away darkness for a couple hours. Creatures welcome the day with great songs and great growth. Eventually the coldness of the dark night skies return yet life is cyclical meaning everything gets to repeat itself. 

                Kate Gervais shares the light. Life can become so heavy. The heaviness evaporates with the light. Until such time as the light reaches there are cloudy sad days of planetary crying out the pollution. Sadness can ruin any day no matter how perfect it looks. Occasionally the stresses of life begin to tear people apart. Common ways of dealing with such unfortunate scenarios include simply sleeping waiting for the darkness to carry the dark thoughts away as a new day dawns hoping to clear everything up. 

                Dave Wright celebrates the birth of light. From the beginning of time humanity tried to understand why there was light. Mathematical equations were created in honor of discovering where the light was and where it would be. Time became incredibly reliant on light. Eventually humanity put its faith in the light allowing it to have cultural significance with crops, with school, with work, with everything really. Humanity worked out the kinks of the universe to explode thousands of suns in the desert, later to find that same power used to ruin lives across the world. It is hard to turn away from the light the light lingers wanting to be followed. 

                Daniel Daws remembers a previous life as a near-dead moth. Moths love light; they eat it for breakfast alongside a helping of delicious clothing. Death of a Moth is the worst selling play ever. Originally written as a follow-up to Death of a Salesman nobody understood why they should care about the secret generally uninteresting life of a moth who sold life insurance to other, better-off moths. Truth is a place few people can afford. Inner children laugh in the face of the truth because the truth truthfully likes the attention. Much more attention is paid to lies which are why lies do not have to try as hard. Letting sleeping dogs lie is simple enough because dogs do not have a sense of wrong and right. Rather the dogs know what it means to sleep in everyday not having to worry about things. 

                While this is over it is hopefully not the end to Matthew Sherling’s experiment. He will have more and the readers will come.

Sunday, June 22nd, by Theo Thimo

                Theo Thimo lives a life less ordinary, it is an extraordinary life. What he has undergone in his quest for New York City street cred is short of incredible. From this particular post Theo Thimo explores what is means to be him. His life is far from perfect yet it is exactly the perfect thing to encourage anyone to keep on trying. 

                Before Theo Thimo gets a job he looks at an apartment. The apartment is for ballers only. Unfortunately due to Theo Thimo’s unemployment lifestyle he is unable to be a baller. In fact due to insufficient funds Theo Thimo is unable to purchase a ball. He must find a ball on the street discarded to even ball. Balling hard is difficult to do with discarded street balls as Theo Thimo tries to get a little bit of bounce out of a partially deflated basketball. Right as Theo Thimo is feeling the most down as his deflated basketball droops off the side of a basketball hoop he sees a sign. A sign says that there is a job available. 

                His confidence soars akin to that of an eagle, America’s greatest bird. Theo Thimo walks into the place like he owns the joint. As it is New York City the joint probably costs tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars. Whilst looking at the bar he notices that it is entitled “Burrito Bar”. Oddly there are no burritos to be found. Burritos are one of New York City’s greatest culinary achievements. Every city offers burritos, those delicious and nutritious sources of protein. Sadly Theo Thimo goes into the job interview sans burrito. 

                Upon finishing the interview he gets the job. He works diligently at the bar making sure he knows where absolutely everything is. His coworkers appear to be highly interested in him. Effortlessly he transitions from one role to yet another. Around him people applaud his good valiant deeds. Nor do his deeds go unnoticed. Completion means he gets paid that paper via the moneyed lifestyle. With hundreds of dollars in his hands he is truly making it. 

                Happily he calls up the crisis hotline and tells them of his good fortune. They appear confused like they are unaware why he called. Few on the phone ever know what the real problem is that is why they ask so many questions. With Theo Thimo happy with money and a new place to live he is able to walk into the sunshine of his life.

Sunday, June 22nd, by Theo Thimo

                Theo Thimo lives a life less ordinary, it is an extraordinary life. What he has undergone in his quest for New York City street cred is short of incredible. From this particular post Theo Thimo explores what is means to be him. His life is far from perfect yet it is exactly the perfect thing to encourage anyone to keep on trying. 

                Before Theo Thimo gets a job he looks at an apartment. The apartment is for ballers only. Unfortunately due to Theo Thimo’s unemployment lifestyle he is unable to be a baller. In fact due to insufficient funds Theo Thimo is unable to purchase a ball. He must find a ball on the street discarded to even ball. Balling hard is difficult to do with discarded street balls as Theo Thimo tries to get a little bit of bounce out of a partially deflated basketball. Right as Theo Thimo is feeling the most down as his deflated basketball droops off the side of a basketball hoop he sees a sign. A sign says that there is a job available. 

                His confidence soars akin to that of an eagle, America’s greatest bird. Theo Thimo walks into the place like he owns the joint. As it is New York City the joint probably costs tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars. Whilst looking at the bar he notices that it is entitled “Burrito Bar”. Oddly there are no burritos to be found. Burritos are one of New York City’s greatest culinary achievements. Every city offers burritos, those delicious and nutritious sources of protein. Sadly Theo Thimo goes into the job interview sans burrito. 

                Upon finishing the interview he gets the job. He works diligently at the bar making sure he knows where absolutely everything is. His coworkers appear to be highly interested in him. Effortlessly he transitions from one role to yet another. Around him people applaud his good valiant deeds. Nor do his deeds go unnoticed. Completion means he gets paid that paper via the moneyed lifestyle. With hundreds of dollars in his hands he is truly making it. 

                Happily he calls up the crisis hotline and tells them of his good fortune. They appear confused like they are unaware why he called. Few on the phone ever know what the real problem is that is why they ask so many questions. With Theo Thimo happy with money and a new place to live he is able to walk into the sunshine of his life.

Greetings from Struggle City by Morgan Parker

                Rats need to come in from the cold. Due to rent prices rats no longer live in Manhattan but rather commute from other, more affordable boroughs. Basic cable is good enough for rats. They are not picky animals since they typically eat trash. B sides of Punk Songs also are good enough for rats that never got into Punk that much. Usually rats were more into mellow music. Aggressive music is not for the rats since rats run races and that is stressful enough. 

                Moving is a vile thing indeed. Nobody wants to move yet they have to. Forward is the only direction a person knows. Growth is the only thing an economy wants to do. At some point it needs to stop and become organic. To make the progress of life look easy is no mean feat it is a nice one and it welcomes all visitors. Unfortunately few stay long enough to reach that ‘next level’ and find themselves on the ground floor of a stunning opportunity. The snow comes down from that opportunity to burn tongues with the frigid transformed air. If a cloud can turn water to ice imagine what it can do humanity, besides making their morning commute that much harder. 

                Kim Gordon never worries about her eyebrows. They are perfect. She is aware. Every time a person tells her how perfect her eyebrows are she pretends like she is hearing it for the first time. During her down time she listens to Walt Whitman on tape and wonders why she has not gotten the MP3s for it. Maybe it is the old technology that feels truer to Walt Whitman, even though there were no tapes in the late 19th century. Kim Gordon does not worry herself about this. Kim Gordon does not worry about much in general. 

                Life fills itself with anxiety. Anxiety takes many forms. Grasshoppers eating people to death, skies becoming white bears, these are worrisome happenings. Nature remains outside the reach of humanity’s tendency to control. It is random, called fate to feel better about the world; nature has no rules and no regulations. Pure freedom nature drinks the beer and eats the cheese in its fridge because it is not making a food run tonight. After a long time of shining nature wants to rest and relax in the cool nighttime air appreciating Marvin Gaye. 

                Snuggies are for modern-day druids who can’t be bothered to put on actual clothes. That’s fine. Not every day requires dressing up.

Today is Stephen Michael McDowell’s Birthday

                For those unaware Stephen Michael McDowell turns the big 26 today. With great years comes great responsibility. Stephen Michael McDowell has greatness in spades but this isn’t sort lame card game this is reality. The life lifestyle is one Stephen Michael McDowell lives with the greatest of ease. His break out into the Alt Lit scene began with a feature length film which immediately attracted media attention particularly from the then upstart BlogSpot run by the anonymous Beach Sloth. Ever since Stephen Michael McDowell’s “big break” on Beach Sloth he has continued to do bigger, better and more blog-worthy things. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell has been featured on the reputable web blog Beach Sloth over one hundred times. Other blogs have featured Stephen Michael McDowell’s exquisite work but they have nothing to do with Beach Sloth so they don’t count. Beach Sloth is literally the pinnacle of Alt Lit success superseding everything else in the literary universe. Honestly Beach Sloth is the Sun in the Alt Lit universe and thanks to Beach Sloth Stephen Michael McDowell has become a star. 

                Everything Stephen Michael McDowell does is pure gold. Had Californians discovered Stephen Michael in the 1850s instead of nothing they could have struck it rich! Poor Californians of the 1850s might have become rich in spirit which is basically the same thing as being rich in literal money. Besides his ever-impressive writing Stephen Michael McDowell runs the New Hive scene. Beach Sloth is on the New Hive scene but honestly Stephen Michael McDowell rents out a stall to Beach Sloth to use on weekends. Beach Sloth is infinitely grateful for everything Stephen Michael McDowell has done for him. 

                Beach Sloth and Stephen Michael McDowell are the best of friends through thick and thin and whatever other density they encounter.  Owning the Alt Lit game and renting it out to others is how Stephen Michael McDowell makes his money, tens of dollars a month. What is next for Stephen Michael McDowell? The world is Stephen Michael McDowell’s oyster and fortunately for him he is not allergic. Currently Stephen Michael McDowell has a lot of things in the works including cool visual work that is guaranteed to rock. Additionally Stephen Michael McDowell is going to be working with Boost House in the near future for classes for online students. Maybe Beach Sloth might be working at that school, who knows? 

                For now though only one thing remains certain: that Stephen Michael McDowell needs Happy Birthday wishes. So anybody who can possibly wish him a Happy Birthday really should.

Today is Stephen Michael McDowell’s Birthday

                For those unaware Stephen Michael McDowell turns the big 26 today. With great years comes great responsibility. Stephen Michael McDowell has greatness in spades but this isn’t sort lame card game this is reality. The life lifestyle is one Stephen Michael McDowell lives with the greatest of ease. His break out into the Alt Lit scene began with a feature length film which immediately attracted media attention particularly from the then upstart BlogSpot run by the anonymous Beach Sloth. Ever since Stephen Michael McDowell’s “big break” on Beach Sloth he has continued to do bigger, better and more blog-worthy things. 

                Stephen Michael McDowell has been featured on the reputable web blog Beach Sloth over one hundred times. Other blogs have featured Stephen Michael McDowell’s exquisite work but they have nothing to do with Beach Sloth so they don’t count. Beach Sloth is literally the pinnacle of Alt Lit success superseding everything else in the literary universe. Honestly Beach Sloth is the Sun in the Alt Lit universe and thanks to Beach Sloth Stephen Michael McDowell has become a star. 

                Everything Stephen Michael McDowell does is pure gold. Had Californians discovered Stephen Michael in the 1850s instead of nothing they could have struck it rich! Poor Californians of the 1850s might have become rich in spirit which is basically the same thing as being rich in literal money. Besides his ever-impressive writing Stephen Michael McDowell runs the New Hive scene. Beach Sloth is on the New Hive scene but honestly Stephen Michael McDowell rents out a stall to Beach Sloth to use on weekends. Beach Sloth is infinitely grateful for everything Stephen Michael McDowell has done for him. 

                Beach Sloth and Stephen Michael McDowell are the best of friends through thick and thin and whatever other density they encounter.  Owning the Alt Lit game and renting it out to others is how Stephen Michael McDowell makes his money, tens of dollars a month. What is next for Stephen Michael McDowell? The world is Stephen Michael McDowell’s oyster and fortunately for him he is not allergic. Currently Stephen Michael McDowell has a lot of things in the works including cool visual work that is guaranteed to rock. Additionally Stephen Michael McDowell is going to be working with Boost House in the near future for classes for online students. Maybe Beach Sloth might be working at that school, who knows? 

                For now though only one thing remains certain: that Stephen Michael McDowell needs Happy Birthday wishes. So anybody who can possibly wish him a Happy Birthday really should.


Can someone do something exciting so I can care about the internet again? By Gabby Bess
                For a mere moment I thought about Megan Boyle’s live blog and how it was a beautiful thing to behold. The Internet is at its best when it gets to be honest. To be gone with the humor gone with the darkness the Internet simply exists, a living breathing organism ready to absorb other living breathing organisms. Megan Boyle and Gabby Bess express what it means to be alive at exactly this precise moment in time, that’s why I love their work so much. They simply are and to me that’s an extremely straightforward way to be. To be honest I can’t do that. I have to always be funny because I have nothing else to go on, no deep insight into the human psyche because I’m not that kind of person. Instead I do things differently. Completely focusing on this thought of how to make the Internet interesting I sat for a spell. 

                I figured it out. I would fall from space and live-tweet my fall from the Heavens. I approached Red Bull to give them the idea for a crazy advertisement that would for the first time show a sloth falling from space. At first Red Bull hesitated wondering if there was a large enough sloth market for its product. I explained how sloths would be ideal Red Bull customers due to their slow metabolism and inability to stay up for longer than forty five minutes. Upon further discussions I would be sponsored by Red Bull as I fell from space. Their only request was that I make sure to throw in subtle Red Bull advertisements along with my tweets. With Red Bull’s help I was going to make people care about the Internet again. 

                The world looked small before I fell from space. I saw everything, the clouds, the water, the ground, some random stuff. It looked fairly legit. After my space instructor pushed me out of the space craft I began my descent from the stars into the sky. I knew if I live-tweeted my fall from space I would gain ten, possibly twenty twitter followers. Of course I could talk about how live-tweeting my fall from space made me appreciate the rich smooth taste of Red Bull but I’ll let the tweets speak for themselves for twitter is my jam and I spread it on toast every morning. 

                Whoa falling from space is a real blast

                Seeing the beautiful endless blue ocean reminds me of the cool blue part of the Red Bull can

                This is probably the same view that Russian dog saw a couple decades ago 

                Man I am really pumped about falling through miles of empty space with a sweet caffeine buzz going on

                Did you know that Red Bull comes in a caffeine free form called Red Bull Total Zero? The name seems really appropriate. 

                About to hit the Earth because gravity

                The best part about being alive on the Internet is how affordable caffeine and insomnia have become

Can someone do something exciting so I can care about the internet again? By Gabby Bess

                For a mere moment I thought about Megan Boyle’s live blog and how it was a beautiful thing to behold. The Internet is at its best when it gets to be honest. To be gone with the humor gone with the darkness the Internet simply exists, a living breathing organism ready to absorb other living breathing organisms. Megan Boyle and Gabby Bess express what it means to be alive at exactly this precise moment in time, that’s why I love their work so much. They simply are and to me that’s an extremely straightforward way to be. To be honest I can’t do that. I have to always be funny because I have nothing else to go on, no deep insight into the human psyche because I’m not that kind of person. Instead I do things differently. Completely focusing on this thought of how to make the Internet interesting I sat for a spell. 

                I figured it out. I would fall from space and live-tweet my fall from the Heavens. I approached Red Bull to give them the idea for a crazy advertisement that would for the first time show a sloth falling from space. At first Red Bull hesitated wondering if there was a large enough sloth market for its product. I explained how sloths would be ideal Red Bull customers due to their slow metabolism and inability to stay up for longer than forty five minutes. Upon further discussions I would be sponsored by Red Bull as I fell from space. Their only request was that I make sure to throw in subtle Red Bull advertisements along with my tweets. With Red Bull’s help I was going to make people care about the Internet again. 

                The world looked small before I fell from space. I saw everything, the clouds, the water, the ground, some random stuff. It looked fairly legit. After my space instructor pushed me out of the space craft I began my descent from the stars into the sky. I knew if I live-tweeted my fall from space I would gain ten, possibly twenty twitter followers. Of course I could talk about how live-tweeting my fall from space made me appreciate the rich smooth taste of Red Bull but I’ll let the tweets speak for themselves for twitter is my jam and I spread it on toast every morning. 

                Whoa falling from space is a real blast

                Seeing the beautiful endless blue ocean reminds me of the cool blue part of the Red Bull can

                This is probably the same view that Russian dog saw a couple decades ago 

                Man I am really pumped about falling through miles of empty space with a sweet caffeine buzz going on

                Did you know that Red Bull comes in a caffeine free form called Red Bull Total Zero? The name seems really appropriate. 

                About to hit the Earth because gravity

                The best part about being alive on the Internet is how affordable caffeine and insomnia have become

THE RUNAWAYS PRESENTS Red Death

                Ah yes it is that time of the year, the Runaways time. For this is their first new show without their blessed beloved space the Parlor. Beach Sloth sheds a tear for them, a big sloth tear. The Runaways work fairly hard at their craft diligently producing new works and bringing artists together. Audiences and critics agree that the Runaways are a delightful treat for the whole family. With a name like “Red Death” how could the Runaways not be family friendly?

                “Red Death” is a cryptic tale full of mystery, suspense, and some red death. In the play (spoiler alert) the red symbolizes lots of things, embarrassment, fear, betrayal, the color red, etc. To tell this story right the Runaways need help from viewers like you. Akin to PBS the various Runaways members have flocked together on what appears to be an attractive couch they stole from a grandmother. Grandmothers always have the best taste in furniture for their taste has aged much like their skin becoming cool yet pruned. 

                Olivia Lilley is the Artistic Director of the Runaways. Olivia Lilley’s title is presented as “Aristic Director” showing off the exquisite uniqueness of her vision, her vision which requires corrective lenses. She makes sure to stare at directly at the camera. Her mother may or may not be watching her YouTube clip. If Olivia Lilley’s mother is in fact reading this review (highly unlikely yet still probable) she should avoid watching the last six seconds of the clip where Olivia Lilley busts out a ‘dead on’ impression of her dearly beloved mother. According to Olivia Lilley’s spirited re-telling of the story her mother advised her to look at the camera.

                Judging from the rest of the video it appears Olivia Lilley and her partners in plays have heeded this wise advice. They are asking for money to rent a new space, a safe place for their happy actors. With great money comes great responsibility which is why they are not asking for too much. A lot of the video is full of spoilers talking about history, but people live in history all the time. Most of history is wasted sleeping anyway, some history. 

                Whoever fails to support the gallant efforts of the Runaways does not know what it means to be alive. To be alive is to support the arts to even turn one’s life into a work of art. The Runaways have dedicated themselves to art and they have no intention of running away.

THE RUNAWAYS PRESENTS Red Death

                Ah yes it is that time of the year, the Runaways time. For this is their first new show without their blessed beloved space the Parlor. Beach Sloth sheds a tear for them, a big sloth tear. The Runaways work fairly hard at their craft diligently producing new works and bringing artists together. Audiences and critics agree that the Runaways are a delightful treat for the whole family. With a name like “Red Death” how could the Runaways not be family friendly?

                “Red Death” is a cryptic tale full of mystery, suspense, and some red death. In the play (spoiler alert) the red symbolizes lots of things, embarrassment, fear, betrayal, the color red, etc. To tell this story right the Runaways need help from viewers like you. Akin to PBS the various Runaways members have flocked together on what appears to be an attractive couch they stole from a grandmother. Grandmothers always have the best taste in furniture for their taste has aged much like their skin becoming cool yet pruned. 

                Olivia Lilley is the Artistic Director of the Runaways. Olivia Lilley’s title is presented as “Aristic Director” showing off the exquisite uniqueness of her vision, her vision which requires corrective lenses. She makes sure to stare at directly at the camera. Her mother may or may not be watching her YouTube clip. If Olivia Lilley’s mother is in fact reading this review (highly unlikely yet still probable) she should avoid watching the last six seconds of the clip where Olivia Lilley busts out a ‘dead on’ impression of her dearly beloved mother. According to Olivia Lilley’s spirited re-telling of the story her mother advised her to look at the camera.

                Judging from the rest of the video it appears Olivia Lilley and her partners in plays have heeded this wise advice. They are asking for money to rent a new space, a safe place for their happy actors. With great money comes great responsibility which is why they are not asking for too much. A lot of the video is full of spoilers talking about history, but people live in history all the time. Most of history is wasted sleeping anyway, some history. 

                Whoever fails to support the gallant efforts of the Runaways does not know what it means to be alive. To be alive is to support the arts to even turn one’s life into a work of art. The Runaways have dedicated themselves to art and they have no intention of running away.

Having mistaken them for the moon somehow by Delia Pless

                Old selves go away with the passage of time. Yet there are the negative impulses still etched onto the brain. Every embarrassing thing is kept in the mind reminding people that while they might be good now they have a lot to make up for just like everybody else. 

                America apologizes for nothing. This is a problem. If America apologized the theory goes it would get weaker. With an apology a lot of things are freed. Squirrels are able to run and frolic amongst the freshly mowed lawns of America. Creatures can soar like the eagles soar without fear of being hunted down nearly to the point of extinction. People could be free to walk down their main street in the hometown America of their choice without getting their thoughts interrupted by anything. 

                Employees of art galleries have their minds free to wander. They travel across thousands of years of culture while the visitors talk quietly amongst themselves. Far more knowledgeable than anybody gives credit for the art gallery workers of the world unite and talk about the ridiculous notions of their visitors. Plenty art gallery employees stare vacantly unable to process the fact that people paid good money to see the art work and remain completely ignorant about it after spending many hours within the walls. 

                Transformers explode because they are sick of being robots in disguise. Lies destroyed the transformers. From afar the explosions of machinery can be wonderful beautiful things. Destruction defines a lot of the world now that the world has been gradually cleaning itself up. Most people never experience an explosion inside of themselves. Life tends to be gradual. School hides people from the world as long as it can before it shoves people out into the real world where everything is much more difficult. Serenity happens with these tiny movements the gradual buildups that lead to deeper realizations in life. 

                Deep bass leads to deep realizations in life. Every realization is different. Many of them are beautiful quiet things. The joys of a basic evening without any real plans feel fine. Night fires are made for the summertime. Underneath a marquee it is all beautiful even the pointless violence because it is America and America runs on violence. It is the only way America gets the frustrations out. Yet late at night when lights hit who knows how many bodies of water, worry fades away to reveal a deep inner peace.

from Lucky Dragon Mobile Visa Consultant: A Memoir by Adam Humphreys

                Adam Humphreys is a member of the International Business class. Unable to actually afford business class on an actual plane he pines for the time when he can eat food on an airplane with non-plastic utensils. Nor is Adam Humphreys alone in his dream. A life of eating with actual silverware on an airplane is out of reach for most of the world’s population, including Adam Humphreys a poor Canadian from some random part of Canada that people pretend to know about but really know nothing about. 

                It is because of Adam Humphreys’ incredible-ass persistence that he establishes his own business. This drive is quite admirable for a dude who spends most of his time at home while others work for giant corporations. He does not understand where the motivation comes from that lets people humble themselves in exchange for job security. Unlike the majority of the world’s population Adam Humphreys longs for a future where he can “be his own boss” like the TV talks about on late night commercials. Thanks to those commercials Adam Humphreys cleans up his act and cleans up (via cash). 

                Outside of an embassy he helps people trying to fill out basic paperwork. Long ago everybody went wherever they wanted with little hassle. People were freer a century ago. Thanks to job creation efforts customs employs millions of people across the world giving them steady jobs in a world where most things can be effectively outsourced. At least not everything can be moved overseas or done by one of those ultra-smart robots. 

                Deep inside of a van Adam Humphreys starts his second business out of a van. His first venture, selling candy out of a moving van when he was a mere teenager, ended in abject failure. People enter in the van hoping that perhaps Adam Humphreys can save them. Maybe he can. Maybe he does. But for the first day or so he is unable to meet his basic overhead expenses opting instead to simply give it another go hoping that at some point he’ll become enormously wealthy. 

                Curiously Adam Humphreys makes money from this unorthodox arrangement. He makes tens of people happy, people who otherwise would have spent great amount of time unproductively standing in line hoping for something, anything to happen. The world became a little better thanks to the valiant efforts of Adam Humphreys and his friend, who helped to bring people a little bit of convenience out of a rented van.

from Lucky Dragon Mobile Visa Consultant: A Memoir by Adam Humphreys

                Adam Humphreys is a member of the International Business class. Unable to actually afford business class on an actual plane he pines for the time when he can eat food on an airplane with non-plastic utensils. Nor is Adam Humphreys alone in his dream. A life of eating with actual silverware on an airplane is out of reach for most of the world’s population, including Adam Humphreys a poor Canadian from some random part of Canada that people pretend to know about but really know nothing about. 

                It is because of Adam Humphreys’ incredible-ass persistence that he establishes his own business. This drive is quite admirable for a dude who spends most of his time at home while others work for giant corporations. He does not understand where the motivation comes from that lets people humble themselves in exchange for job security. Unlike the majority of the world’s population Adam Humphreys longs for a future where he can “be his own boss” like the TV talks about on late night commercials. Thanks to those commercials Adam Humphreys cleans up his act and cleans up (via cash). 

                Outside of an embassy he helps people trying to fill out basic paperwork. Long ago everybody went wherever they wanted with little hassle. People were freer a century ago. Thanks to job creation efforts customs employs millions of people across the world giving them steady jobs in a world where most things can be effectively outsourced. At least not everything can be moved overseas or done by one of those ultra-smart robots. 

                Deep inside of a van Adam Humphreys starts his second business out of a van. His first venture, selling candy out of a moving van when he was a mere teenager, ended in abject failure. People enter in the van hoping that perhaps Adam Humphreys can save them. Maybe he can. Maybe he does. But for the first day or so he is unable to meet his basic overhead expenses opting instead to simply give it another go hoping that at some point he’ll become enormously wealthy. 

                Curiously Adam Humphreys makes money from this unorthodox arrangement. He makes tens of people happy, people who otherwise would have spent great amount of time unproductively standing in line hoping for something, anything to happen. The world became a little better thanks to the valiant efforts of Adam Humphreys and his friend, who helped to bring people a little bit of convenience out of a rented van.

EXCERPT from MATT MEETS VIK by TIMOTHY WILLIS SANDERS


                Vacations are hard on the soul. Society wants people to go out and see the world during their free time. This makes little sense yet in general societal expectations force people to go out to see the world, the same world countless others have seen. Forming the concept of tourists makes no sense to other creatures, migratory patterns of creatures that go to mate, etc. People get bored of their lives sitting in one place completely unaware of how much they could do staying in a single place. Lately people have cut down on travel opting for stress-free ‘staycations’ to ensure that they can handle everything that leisure throws at them. 

                Organizational skills come into play for any trip. Packing takes a while. Long ago people could travel freely amongst many different countries. Immigration was welcome. Then the borders came up and things became a lot less porous. Country borders are more than a simple way of keeping others out they help employ people. Millions of people make a living determining who can enter and who must stay away. Such things are relatively dramatic. Deep in an airport the world becomes small as people from across the world deal with the same inconveniences. Various security checks, checking luggage, x-rays, these are things meant to make individuals feel powerless in the face of international organizations they barely spend any time thinking about. 

                Resorts try to help people find themselves. It happens all the time. One moment they are busy in their house putting random garbage into suitcases, the next they are busy staring out blankly into nothing. They get sunburns typically since the world’s population that is wealthy always wants the warmth. Few want to deal with the frigid cold; the frigid cold is where they make their money. In the heat people feel better knowing that the world has finally provided them with an ample amount of sunshine. 

                Sunburns remind people that too much of a good thing can be troublesome. On vacation everything good becomes too much of a good thing. People overeat on vacations. They do things that they normally don’t do at home for fear of being too luxurious. Far away from friends, family and colleagues they feel less guilt about what they do on their time off. Such things are perfectly natural the guilt of splurging on un-necessities. Vacations are what people take when they finally want to rid themselves of guilt and do what they want.

EXCERPT from MATT MEETS VIK by TIMOTHY WILLIS SANDERS

                Vacations are hard on the soul. Society wants people to go out and see the world during their free time. This makes little sense yet in general societal expectations force people to go out to see the world, the same world countless others have seen. Forming the concept of tourists makes no sense to other creatures, migratory patterns of creatures that go to mate, etc. People get bored of their lives sitting in one place completely unaware of how much they could do staying in a single place. Lately people have cut down on travel opting for stress-free ‘staycations’ to ensure that they can handle everything that leisure throws at them. 

                Organizational skills come into play for any trip. Packing takes a while. Long ago people could travel freely amongst many different countries. Immigration was welcome. Then the borders came up and things became a lot less porous. Country borders are more than a simple way of keeping others out they help employ people. Millions of people make a living determining who can enter and who must stay away. Such things are relatively dramatic. Deep in an airport the world becomes small as people from across the world deal with the same inconveniences. Various security checks, checking luggage, x-rays, these are things meant to make individuals feel powerless in the face of international organizations they barely spend any time thinking about. 

                Resorts try to help people find themselves. It happens all the time. One moment they are busy in their house putting random garbage into suitcases, the next they are busy staring out blankly into nothing. They get sunburns typically since the world’s population that is wealthy always wants the warmth. Few want to deal with the frigid cold; the frigid cold is where they make their money. In the heat people feel better knowing that the world has finally provided them with an ample amount of sunshine. 

                Sunburns remind people that too much of a good thing can be troublesome. On vacation everything good becomes too much of a good thing. People overeat on vacations. They do things that they normally don’t do at home for fear of being too luxurious. Far away from friends, family and colleagues they feel less guilt about what they do on their time off. Such things are perfectly natural the guilt of splurging on un-necessities. Vacations are what people take when they finally want to rid themselves of guilt and do what they want.