from Lucky Dragon Mobile Visa Consultant: A Memoir by Adam Humphreys

                Adam Humphreys is a member of the International Business class. Unable to actually afford business class on an actual plane he pines for the time when he can eat food on an airplane with non-plastic utensils. Nor is Adam Humphreys alone in his dream. A life of eating with actual silverware on an airplane is out of reach for most of the world’s population, including Adam Humphreys a poor Canadian from some random part of Canada that people pretend to know about but really know nothing about. 

                It is because of Adam Humphreys’ incredible-ass persistence that he establishes his own business. This drive is quite admirable for a dude who spends most of his time at home while others work for giant corporations. He does not understand where the motivation comes from that lets people humble themselves in exchange for job security. Unlike the majority of the world’s population Adam Humphreys longs for a future where he can “be his own boss” like the TV talks about on late night commercials. Thanks to those commercials Adam Humphreys cleans up his act and cleans up (via cash). 

                Outside of an embassy he helps people trying to fill out basic paperwork. Long ago everybody went wherever they wanted with little hassle. People were freer a century ago. Thanks to job creation efforts customs employs millions of people across the world giving them steady jobs in a world where most things can be effectively outsourced. At least not everything can be moved overseas or done by one of those ultra-smart robots. 

                Deep inside of a van Adam Humphreys starts his second business out of a van. His first venture, selling candy out of a moving van when he was a mere teenager, ended in abject failure. People enter in the van hoping that perhaps Adam Humphreys can save them. Maybe he can. Maybe he does. But for the first day or so he is unable to meet his basic overhead expenses opting instead to simply give it another go hoping that at some point he’ll become enormously wealthy. 

                Curiously Adam Humphreys makes money from this unorthodox arrangement. He makes tens of people happy, people who otherwise would have spent great amount of time unproductively standing in line hoping for something, anything to happen. The world became a little better thanks to the valiant efforts of Adam Humphreys and his friend, who helped to bring people a little bit of convenience out of a rented van.

from Lucky Dragon Mobile Visa Consultant: A Memoir by Adam Humphreys

                Adam Humphreys is a member of the International Business class. Unable to actually afford business class on an actual plane he pines for the time when he can eat food on an airplane with non-plastic utensils. Nor is Adam Humphreys alone in his dream. A life of eating with actual silverware on an airplane is out of reach for most of the world’s population, including Adam Humphreys a poor Canadian from some random part of Canada that people pretend to know about but really know nothing about. 

                It is because of Adam Humphreys’ incredible-ass persistence that he establishes his own business. This drive is quite admirable for a dude who spends most of his time at home while others work for giant corporations. He does not understand where the motivation comes from that lets people humble themselves in exchange for job security. Unlike the majority of the world’s population Adam Humphreys longs for a future where he can “be his own boss” like the TV talks about on late night commercials. Thanks to those commercials Adam Humphreys cleans up his act and cleans up (via cash). 

                Outside of an embassy he helps people trying to fill out basic paperwork. Long ago everybody went wherever they wanted with little hassle. People were freer a century ago. Thanks to job creation efforts customs employs millions of people across the world giving them steady jobs in a world where most things can be effectively outsourced. At least not everything can be moved overseas or done by one of those ultra-smart robots. 

                Deep inside of a van Adam Humphreys starts his second business out of a van. His first venture, selling candy out of a moving van when he was a mere teenager, ended in abject failure. People enter in the van hoping that perhaps Adam Humphreys can save them. Maybe he can. Maybe he does. But for the first day or so he is unable to meet his basic overhead expenses opting instead to simply give it another go hoping that at some point he’ll become enormously wealthy. 

                Curiously Adam Humphreys makes money from this unorthodox arrangement. He makes tens of people happy, people who otherwise would have spent great amount of time unproductively standing in line hoping for something, anything to happen. The world became a little better thanks to the valiant efforts of Adam Humphreys and his friend, who helped to bring people a little bit of convenience out of a rented van.

EXCERPT from MATT MEETS VIK by TIMOTHY WILLIS SANDERS


                Vacations are hard on the soul. Society wants people to go out and see the world during their free time. This makes little sense yet in general societal expectations force people to go out to see the world, the same world countless others have seen. Forming the concept of tourists makes no sense to other creatures, migratory patterns of creatures that go to mate, etc. People get bored of their lives sitting in one place completely unaware of how much they could do staying in a single place. Lately people have cut down on travel opting for stress-free ‘staycations’ to ensure that they can handle everything that leisure throws at them. 

                Organizational skills come into play for any trip. Packing takes a while. Long ago people could travel freely amongst many different countries. Immigration was welcome. Then the borders came up and things became a lot less porous. Country borders are more than a simple way of keeping others out they help employ people. Millions of people make a living determining who can enter and who must stay away. Such things are relatively dramatic. Deep in an airport the world becomes small as people from across the world deal with the same inconveniences. Various security checks, checking luggage, x-rays, these are things meant to make individuals feel powerless in the face of international organizations they barely spend any time thinking about. 

                Resorts try to help people find themselves. It happens all the time. One moment they are busy in their house putting random garbage into suitcases, the next they are busy staring out blankly into nothing. They get sunburns typically since the world’s population that is wealthy always wants the warmth. Few want to deal with the frigid cold; the frigid cold is where they make their money. In the heat people feel better knowing that the world has finally provided them with an ample amount of sunshine. 

                Sunburns remind people that too much of a good thing can be troublesome. On vacation everything good becomes too much of a good thing. People overeat on vacations. They do things that they normally don’t do at home for fear of being too luxurious. Far away from friends, family and colleagues they feel less guilt about what they do on their time off. Such things are perfectly natural the guilt of splurging on un-necessities. Vacations are what people take when they finally want to rid themselves of guilt and do what they want.

EXCERPT from MATT MEETS VIK by TIMOTHY WILLIS SANDERS

                Vacations are hard on the soul. Society wants people to go out and see the world during their free time. This makes little sense yet in general societal expectations force people to go out to see the world, the same world countless others have seen. Forming the concept of tourists makes no sense to other creatures, migratory patterns of creatures that go to mate, etc. People get bored of their lives sitting in one place completely unaware of how much they could do staying in a single place. Lately people have cut down on travel opting for stress-free ‘staycations’ to ensure that they can handle everything that leisure throws at them. 

                Organizational skills come into play for any trip. Packing takes a while. Long ago people could travel freely amongst many different countries. Immigration was welcome. Then the borders came up and things became a lot less porous. Country borders are more than a simple way of keeping others out they help employ people. Millions of people make a living determining who can enter and who must stay away. Such things are relatively dramatic. Deep in an airport the world becomes small as people from across the world deal with the same inconveniences. Various security checks, checking luggage, x-rays, these are things meant to make individuals feel powerless in the face of international organizations they barely spend any time thinking about. 

                Resorts try to help people find themselves. It happens all the time. One moment they are busy in their house putting random garbage into suitcases, the next they are busy staring out blankly into nothing. They get sunburns typically since the world’s population that is wealthy always wants the warmth. Few want to deal with the frigid cold; the frigid cold is where they make their money. In the heat people feel better knowing that the world has finally provided them with an ample amount of sunshine. 

                Sunburns remind people that too much of a good thing can be troublesome. On vacation everything good becomes too much of a good thing. People overeat on vacations. They do things that they normally don’t do at home for fear of being too luxurious. Far away from friends, family and colleagues they feel less guilt about what they do on their time off. Such things are perfectly natural the guilt of splurging on un-necessities. Vacations are what people take when they finally want to rid themselves of guilt and do what they want.

why i own a backhoe by Steve Roggenbuck

                I speak fondly of backhoes for a variety of reasons. While Steve Roggenbuck inherited a backhoe from his Grandmother I went to college with a backhoe. Thanks to the awesome power of the backhoe I lost my virginity. There I was, a virgin in the world, unaware of the awesome pleasures of not being a virgin, when a backhoe talked me up to a special someone. Yes a backhoe makes for a great wingman. Later when I married the person I lost my virginity to the backhoe served as my best man. My life was forever changed to a backhoe and helped convince me of the importance of starting a family. Every day I thank my backhoe friend for helping to guide me to the joys of fatherhood even though my children totally suck. 

                Out of seemingly nowhere Steve Roggenbuck comments on a Blog. This is important for anybody with a blog to hear. Sometimes it is hard to blog. Not everybody is cut out for the blogging life. Finding new content, farming content, writing clever tags that only a handful of people will read, is a tough life. Every day when I go on my blog I hope that people might have found my blog with a vast variety of important tags. However the most popular tag on my blog still remains “Pauly Shore”. Wish that wasn’t the case, wish it was another, perhaps more blog-worthy tag. Yet there it is winning in bringing traffic to my site to an embarrassing degree. Though maybe it is not embarrassing to respect the hard work Pauly Shore put into his career in the late 80s and early 90s before taking a nap after 2000. I hope that through my blog I have helped Pauly Shore gain the confidence he needs to star in a mediocre direct to DVD movie. 

                Texture is important. Without texture the world is a tad bit bland. I like touching things, cool things like walls, grass, happy animals, and especially sad animals. Sometimes when I see someone or something sad I wish there was something I could do to alleviate that sadness, to bring them to happier places. A hug can go a long way in making creatures feel appreciated. That is why I hug trees wherever I go thanking them for making the air clean enough for me to breathe. I apologize to them for all the pollution they have to clean up but then the trees really like that carbon dioxide stuff. 

                Steve Roggenbuck ends it with a poignant discussion about being a maven something many want to be but something few can have. Steve Roggenbuck is the Socrates of YouTube community, telling the truths few ever want to confront.

Night Grinder – Immediate Content 8.0

                Night Grinder’s “Immediate Content” is a total blast. Humor is injected into every possible aspect. Unpredictable in nature the songs veer off onto the strangest tangents. The playfulness of the album is one of its most admirable aspects. Whatever sound is employed it is used to its fullest potential bouncing off of each other, the sounds and rhythm are highly unique. An admiration for distorted beats alongside distortion of essentially whatever else can be distorted makes it an adrenaline rush of an album. 

                On Side A the song begins with atmospheric noises and traces of rhythm. A melody (kept relatively intact) helps guide the piece along. From there Night Grinder lets the song devolve into childlike chaos. Halfway through the piece Night Grinder employs an ambient interlude. With the calm in place Night Grinder slows things down considerably. Left in the background is a proto-melody which tinkers with the field recordings of rain. By the end of the track the noises have returned and are used to further disorient the listener. 

                Side B uses a rough beginning. Included are the nice distorted beats that adorned the first side. Upon completion of the distortion the song moves into 80s worship with a nice particularly steady groove. One of the highlights of the collection the groove at around the four minute mark is quite enjoyable. Unlike Side A Side B lets things run out a lot further. A colossal beat forms at the halfway mark which grows in intensity. Whatever other debris it can collect it collects. More and more dollops of distortion are added onto it until it becomes akin to pure noise. As suddenly as it started the noise drops out and lets the silence guide the song to the finale. 

                “Immediate Content” is beyond weird and it is an enjoyable weird indeed.

Listen Here

Aphex Twin – SYRO

                Yes this is happening. After years of dormancy Richard D. James confirms something everybody had been wanting for years: a new Aphex Twin album. Named SYRO this will be the first new Aphex Twin material released since 2001 nearly an entire generation ago. Things were much different back then with an incredibly mixed reaction to his work. IDM was on its last gasps by that point and Aphex Twin’s Drukqs came up around the same time. Back in 2001 Aphex Twin and Autechre unleashed literal masterpieces onto the world: the debated Drukqs and Confield. To date neither has been able to garner an opinion one way or the other. Aphex Twin stopped putting music out under that particular moniker and Autechre, who could have gone out much further into abstraction decided to rein it in. 

                What can SYRO do to show listeners what Aphex Twin has been doing during the last thirteen years. He’s been busy: the Analord Series (under AFX) was clear, concise, and consistent. There have been projects that Aphex Twin has been accused of being behind though to date none of it has stuck. Sure the Tuss could be another Aphex Twin moniker but it is impossible to tell. Because an artist has influences from Aphex Twin does not necessarily mean Aphex Twin is pulling a fast one on anyone at all. Instead Richard D. James has been waiting for the right moment and the right way to announce the release of some of his material, as he has stated he has about ten albums’ worth of material. 

                SYRO can show the world a little of what Aphex Twin has been hiding over the years. His announcement on TOR confirms that Aphex Twin remains deep into the cryptic world. Perhaps the world has grown more to Aphex Twin’s liking as the world has increasingly moved towards the secrecy Aphex Twin requires to truly grab attention. To date there are no leaks of the new material nor even a teaser. All Richard D. James has provided is a mere tracking. For now that will have to be enough. 

SYRO Track List

1. “minipops 67 (source field mix)”
2. “XMAS_Eve10 (thanaton3 mix)”
3. “produk 29”
4. “4 bit 9d epi+e+6”
5. “180db_”
6. “CIRCLONT6A (syrobonkus mix)”
7. “fz pseudotimestrech+e+3”
8. “CIRCLONT14 (shrymoming mix)”
9. “syro u473t8+e (piezoluminescence mix)”
10. “PAPAT4 (pineal mix)”
11. “s950tx16wasr10 (earth portal mix)”
12. “aisatsana”

…And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead – IX

                Feel I probably would be more excited about a new album from these folks if I was still in my EMO phase. Thankfully like many things I outgrew my EMO phase. Good thing this group has managed to stay with me as I have continued to gradually evolve from someone who wore their heart on their sleeve to someone who can effortlessly grow a beard in mere hours. Incredible, it certainly feels that way, and if feels good knowing that they are out there providing a much needed service to individuals who might have outgrown their initial overly emotional stage in life yet realized their bands can grow with them.

                I re-listen to these guys first few efforts once every so often whenever it feels appropriate. Whoever listens to this every day may get a bit worn down as the band tends to sort of wear at the listener with a vast variety of emotional states and sudden explosions. For me when the mood is perfect they are perfect. Hence while they aren’t exactly something I go to every day I’m glad they exist and are there for me to find. Life without them would certainly be difficult and thankfully this is something I will never need to particularly worry about.

                They have been doing this for while some time, that overbearing new, their titles, the harsh bite their music often has, they are a strange beast. Outliving many of their emotional peers they have a longevity that is admirable. Few bands manage to succeed the way they do. Hopefully their latest album will be yet another demonstration of their ability to put out high-quality products on a regular consistent basis.

I often get emotional when I walk alone by Bleu Ruby Daniels-Taylor

                Milk is a tough thing to get. Everybody wants the organic stuff but the organic stuff does not taste any different. A walk to remember happens whenever a person goes it alone. The rotten state of the world the painful memories come out of the mind. Cruelty done years ago never goes away. What is worse is the perpetrator sits there and is probably okay with it, probably never even thinks about it. Instead they go on with their lives unaware of the hurt they inflicted. Society does this a whole lot turns a blind eye. Justice is supposed to be blind and this does no one any good. 

                Solitude intensifies these feelings. People walk by unaware of the thoughts of those around them. Good thing too as those can be sad memories indeed. Reality can be a cruel thing to do with memories more so as memories cannot be changed. The thoughts are kept in instead of being let out trying to prevent further hurt. Parents are kept in the dark about truths that hurt. No parent wants to hear that their child was called a terrible deeply offensive word at school. Unlike the battle scars of a classroom bully the words are there hurting and hoping to hurt others in the future. 

                The worst part is how the dreadful awful language lingers. Nobody can banish a word it sits in the memory inflicting damage. Editing it out of society is a good start yet it never really is finished. On the periphery it lingers as long as people teach it to themselves, look it up, and do not punish its use. Such language is hate-filled and hate-fueled. By stopping it the service to the community is invaluable. Without stopping it the terrible cycle continues where a person who heard it used wonders when it will be employed again to great pain. 

                Emotional outpours are a must. Public crying is perfectly okay. When a person cries in public they should be left alone. Unless they need a tissue or something they only need to work through what they are going through. Sometimes it is hard to say exactly what is wrong in a particular moment. The memories simply spring up and without the joys of dissociation it can be hard to work through it. Memories confront and the person simply has to accept them, accept them as they are and hope that future individuals do not experience the same thing, that their lives will be better. That is all that can be hoped for and it is possible.

SELECTIONS FROM GENE MORGAN’S TWITTER SELECTED BY MALLORY WHITTEN

                Muumuus are the realest thing a person can wear. With a muumuu everything is great. Bodies feel free of want. Unrestricted the body is free to roam around itself. Children learn how to handle the freedom easily. Within a few years children do more than wear muumuus. Early in the morning children wake up to eat cereal and watch cartoons. Despite their simple pleasures children wake up for them because children live care-free lives. 

                Peer pressure gets hard to resist when it comes from within. Beers are made for consumption. So are Skittles. Together that meal is fit for a college student scavenging for food at a 7/11 with the hopes nobody notices them chilling out in the back. Money saved from these practices can be used to purchase better kinds of food the great kind. Additionally suits for funerals do not need to be purchased but can be borrowed from the dead person at said funeral.  

                1,300 is a long car drive indeed. Sans ass that car drive would be unbearable. With the consumption of Cole Slaw that ass would be grass. A boney butt against a hard car seat, such a long drive would be impossible. Fortunately there are meals made for that special occasion. Spaghetti is one of them. Together an entire family sits at the table to get a bit of spaghetti. Eminem, a famous rapper in the late 90s and early 2000s, rapped about mom’s spaghetti. Clearly it has a lot of cultural stock. Nobody would ever short stock of mom’s spaghetti because it is ready, always ready. 

                Rings around the Cock are mysterious things. Like Saturn with its rings few understand the reason behind a Cock ring. Akin to a ring pop, a cock ring is sold to people who honestly do not realize how annoying piercings can be down there. One wrong move with a cock ring and suddenly a guy finds himself with a serious problem with jean zippers. It can happen and it happens hundreds of times a day to those with the luxury and burden of cock rings. 

                Hot Topic sells groceries as well as cock rings. Hot Topic sells all sorts of miserable person accessories. The world is better with Hot Topic because children need to overcome their Goth stage somehow so why not support the economy while doing it. Children need to go through all their miserable stage of growing up and getting a little bit dark is part of growing up. A person who grew up totally happy their entire life is a psychopath probably.

sageattack asked:

damn. scrolling through old hipsterrunoff articles and i find you as a fellow user in the comments. IFLY (the weird thing is i don't even know how i happened to have landed on your tumblr -> me following + reblogging one of your reblogs --> you following = yay tumblr) (which is y when i see your pic + username on hipsterrunoff my brain explodes but didn't really explode thank heavens)(if there is one)(or more)(uh)

Hipster Runoff. It has been a long time since I have been on there.