Top 10 Must-See Travel Destinations as Determined by a Bar of Soap
Wow I’m a bar of soap. I want to be your friend. Maybe if I write enough top ten lists we can be friends. Oh boy I would love to be your friend; I would steal your French fries and borrow your money. Yes being your friend would be grand. Now I know what you might be thinking: what could a bar of soap do for you? I can help keep your nose clean in a literal cleanliness fashion.
Today I have some travel destinations that you absolutely MUST SEE! I know there are many wonderful places to see in the world. Lots of beauty shoved into this small planet. Unfortunately I will never be able to see all of it. I lack the money to truly explore the world in style. Rather I hope that by imparting this wisdom you can find those mysterious places. To make it easier I have included places that are cheap, affordable, and easy to get to. Hope you find my little list super-helpful.
1. Pauly Shore’s storage locker at the YMCA in Hollywood, California – Hollywood, California wow what an exciting place to be, where dreams are made. For Pauly Shore his dreams were not made. Currently Pauly Shore lives inside his storage locker in the Hollywood YMCA. When Pauly Shore is not busy listening to his favorite group “Basement Jaxx” while surfing the internet at his local library, he goes to the YMCA to live and hang out in the pool. When Pauly Shore goes in the pool he does not swim, he hangs out at the end of the lap lane because Pauly Shore does not know how to swim. Parents tell their children to avoid following Pauly Shore’s career trajectory, informing them instead to do literally anything else with their lives. Seeing Pauly Shore’s storage locker is one of the wonders of the modern world for it is incredible that Pauly Shore not only sleeps in the locker but sleeps upside down, somehow. As a bar of soap I would love to help Pauly Shore clean up his act but it may be more than me, a mere bar of soap, can do.
2. Palmerston Atoll – in this island paradise in a remote part of the Pacific Ocean everybody speaks with a West Country accent. This is a fun place to go to. I mean you could hear the distinctive accent on the England-Wales border but why not go to the middle of nowhere and think to yourself “Wow one guy 145 years ago came over here and ensured his accent would live on, somehow.” I love the Pacific Ocean and think it is a great place for a bar of soap to hang out.
3. Alan Cumming’s armpit – if you do not want to hang out underneath Alan Cumming’s armpit there is something seriously wrong with you. He was great in “Cabaret” and speaking on behalf of all bars of soap, he is a thespian of the highest caliber.
4. The Blimpie’s in Paramus, New Jersey – this is a two-for-one deal. Not only do you get the experience of visiting America’s greatest state, New Jersey, you get a sweet Blimpie’s Sub sandwich complete with that pink stuff that is probably dressing or whatever.
5. The Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh, Pennslyvania – Andy Warhol remains the most successful bar of soap of all time. Curiously nobody ever realized that Andy Warhol was a bar of soap. By successfully disguising himself as son of Polish immigrants he became one of the most influential artists of all time. To see Andy Warhol’s life where he pretended to be a human and not a bar of soap is an inspiration to all bars of soap.
6. Bill, Wyoming – this little city in Wyoming has only ten people. It is named Bill! Isn’t that so quirky? There are some trains that ride through here and it has a hotel where the train people hang out and talk about train stuff, like cabooses and such. What a great world, the great big world of trains.
7. Bukhara, Uzbekistan – until 1920 this was an independent emirate. The daughter of the Emir Shukira Raad Almi works as a broadcaster in the Washington, DC area. She’s pretty cool and it is pretty incredible the adventure she has had. Of course her adventure is nothing compared to a bar of soap but Bukhara is a beautiful part of the world that has been inhabited for millennia and is unlike any other part of the world.
8. Twitter – Twitter is the new Facebook. You can visit Twitter on your computer, on your phone, and on the go. When you have Twitter on your phone you can have your Twitter anytime. Bars of Soap enjoy having their own specific Twitter handles because they can say whatever they want. Facebook requires a person to confirm they are in fact a person. Hence Facebook is not anonymity-friendly.
9. Denver, Colorado – Denver is the best city in the world. Whoever disagrees is clearly not a bar of soap.
10. Ireland – Ireland is responsible for the literary giant James Joyce, a favorite writer among bars of soap. Additionally Ireland is the homeland of Irish Spring perhaps one of the most famous bars of soap of all times. When you visit Ireland I guarantee that you will run into incredibly pleasant bars of soap. Irish Spring is the kind of bar of soap that sells for 5 for eight cents. Such a good deal to be had with Irish Spring.
When you think about going on your next trip, think of these places and their majesty or something.