Beach Sloth

                Babe Terror’s ‘College Clash’ is an hour-long album of disorientation. Things are amorphous. Structure exists to a degree. Fragments of sample provide occasional looks into the outside world. Due to extreme manipulation the source material remains unknown. Mystery is a huge part of the appeal. Generally these songs require multiple listens in order to make any sense out of any of it. Obviously this fits in quite nicely with the ‘vaporwave’ genre which practically defines itself with this sort of opaque approach. 

                ‘Perdizes Camp Seniors’ opens up the album with a stunningly beautiful pulse. This pulse is rapid-fire. Melodies hide themselves within the extremely fast tempo. At twelve minutes it is the longest piece on the entire album. Every minute on here is completely justified. With an extremely unorthodox approach it is emotionally compelling. By the halfway point the shifts have grown away from the mere pulse tempo into broad sweeps. Classical elements assert themselves towards this glorious end. Different approaches are taken on ‘Damascus School-Smooth-Talkers’ which sounds completely submerged under water. ‘Berlin Trendy Lifters’ references the deeply bizarre vaguely paranoid world of ‘Farmers Manual’. 

                For the latter half of the album rhythms become more amorphous. Drone-like textures become more prevalent. Repetition looms larger over the pieces. Without the semblance of a beat the music enters dustier domains. On ‘Nairobi Party Loners and Trashhopers’ there is the slight return to the clipped pulse of the opener. ‘Hamar Pine Carvers’ is positively beautiful with its longing melody breaking through so much distortion. ‘College Clash’ is an album full of nostalgia filtered through an uneasy nostalgia lens.

                Alt Lit divides people. Communities come together only to break apart. That’s what active communities do. Even the most welcoming communities manage to create little sections, of positivity, negativity, different interests and goals. Josh Spilker is better known as the man with a plan, who created the ‘I AM ALT LIT’ brand. Out of interest and increasing hostility to Alt Lit he created the ‘I AM NOT ALT LIT’ brand to document those haters. Since the creation of the ‘I AM NOT ALT LIT’ brand there have been several prominent figures critiquing Alt Lit, most notably Josh Baines of Vice Magazine fame. With these various pieces Josh celebrates the haters. 

                Hater number one appears to smile with his gun sunglasses. The sun smiles in his face. In his hand is a Captain Morgan bottle of rum. Yes this kid is a baller. Good thing this kid has an open mind with Alt Lit. With his car he’s already quite a successful Alt Lit critic. Beyond him is an old man who hates Alt Lit. More than anything youth appears to define much of Alt Lit. Hardly anyone in the Alt Lit movement could be considered an ‘Adult’ to use the parlance of the times. Most Alt Lit fans keep to themselves. Alone in the office place Alt Lit fans try to get their proverbial freak on with other Alt Lit fans via sexting, a form of texting for sex-addled youths. 

                JFK wonders if he is destroying Alt Lit. In a way he sort of helped Alt Lit along. Who would have ever thought that the military-industrial complex with its investment in the internet would be responsible for things like image macros, guys screaming YOLO at trees, and vast quantities of re-blogged photos of kittens? It is beautiful in a way. Thank goodness for everything the military-industrial has done for Alt Lit, for Reddit and Facebook. And Eisenhower warned people about it. What a fool! 

                Fame in Alt Lit is ever so fleeting. One moment there’s a hot-ass tweet that’s taking the internet by storm, the next nothing. Instagram has created new ways to increase Alt Lit popularity without writing anything. Members of Alt Lit sometimes leave too claiming to be done with the Alt Lit scene. Instead they retreat to Tumblr waiting for the re-blogs to tumble in. Justin Bieber will never be done with the Alt Lit scene. Rather Alt Lit is responsible for most of Justin Bieber’s enormous throbbing popularity. 

                Embracing the Alt Lit scene is highly recommended. Many Alt Lit fans are big into the embracing culture. Embraces are the gateways to hookups are the gateways to sex. It is all connected: it is the circle of fuck. Superstars of the Alt Lit community get serious respect along with serious fuck. While some openly hate it, hating writing on the internet feels particularly pointless. Like if people are creating something it is obvious the beginnings are going to be awkward. Through practice the strong voices will rise above. 

                Getting out of Alt Lit is impossible. Like the mob Alt Lit requires dedication. People hone their craft in front of each other via the power of the internet. Never meeting makes the trials easier. Subcultures usually meet but Alt Lit is not one of those subcultures. Of course Alt Lit is about the most important, age-old struggle: to turn that frown upside down.

Jack Serge: Savior, Antichrist or Irrelevant?

                Frank Hinton and Jack Serge get ‘down and dirty’ on this rare exclusive as fuck interview. No other interview has managed to create such a massive shit storm. With this interview not only did shit hit the proverbial fan but the sides of homes as immaculately landscaped subdivisions watched their property values decrease with dismay. Though the interview’s ultimate purpose was to shed some light on the phenomenon that is Jack Serge, far more came about than even Frank Hinton could have predicted in her infinite-ass wisdom. Frank Hinton is one of the most highly respected members of the community and is a favorite of the  ‘Beach Sloth’ blog.

                  Alt Crit covered Jack Serge en masse. Frank Hinton refers to Alt Crit as a schizophrenic anarchist version of Alt Lit. While Alt Crit may fall into that scenario it bursts forth with great energy. One particular soul on Alt Crit refers to Jack Serge as the next Megan Boyle, ready to rock the writing world with true wizardry. Unlike many of those writers nobody truly knows the motivation behind Jack Serge’s work. Jack Serge may talk all the time yet understanding what he is truly about remains a mystery. 

                Rejection and acceptance of Jack Serge has occurred in unequal doses. Few can be truly neutral in the Alt Lit community about Jack Serge. Beach Sloth has a mission to become the ‘Switzerland of Alt Lit’. Obviously the tradition for this goes back many blog years, to the very beginning of the Beach Sloth blogspot. Some of what Jack Serge says in his interview with Frank Hinton may disturb younger Alt Lit viewers. Viewer discretion is advised. 

                The interview begins with a little of the Jack Serge ‘who is this guy’ questioning. Beach Sloth gets this all the time. Honestly staying anonymous is a good way to be truly authentic online. After knowing what a person looks like the mystery is gone. Looks aren’t everything. Effort is. Spending the time on writing is the best way to spend time. Brands are merely a vessel to help carry ideas from the physical to the digital realm. For some reason brands are necessities to get these ideas across. Without it there would be little to no interest. Had Jack Serge simply revealed all of himself, his face, his exact name, everything there would be much less interesting. Perhaps the anonymity adds to the excitement people have about what he does, for better or for worse. 

                Personal inbox messages confirm Jack Serge’s complete and total domination of online media. Many reach out to support Jack Serge’s literary output. Jack talks to whoever manages to speak with him. Solicitations are offered out to help Jack Serge’s brand. Macros of a MEME seem particularly important for Jack Serge’s work which appears on a different level from all that is Alt Lit. Jack Serge embraces the concept of brand, talking about himself in brand terms rather than in person terms. 

                Aspects of the interview created something akin to a ‘shit-storm’. The phases of Alt Lit make sense. Here Jack Serge references the Tao Lin phase, the Steve Roggenbuck phase, and some unknown third phase. Strangely Jack Serge fails to mention Beach Sloth anywhere in the interview which is quite unusual. Stephen Michael McDowell receives a positive shout-out for his tireless efforts with the Mammal brand. 

                Stephen Tully Dierks, the ‘Dierks-man’ or the ‘Tear Dierker’ (via EMO) receives important attention from Jack Serge. Here Jack Serge claims that Pop Serial is a negative influence on Alt Lit. Closed solicitations would do such a thing Jack posits. Rather than say “I disagree with Stephen Tully Dierks and his decision to run a magazine in such a way but respect the content” Jack Serge goes for the ‘jugular’. Claiming that Stephen Tully Dierks has benefitted from a close connection to Steve Roggenbuck, he calls Pop Serial ‘stale’ and ‘not worthy of being consumed with soy milk’. 

                On Facebook (Jack Serge’s natural habitat) the shit storm was a-brewing. Everything was thrown in the mix. Lucy K Shaw, Lucy Tiven (who had the best comment) and others (too many to list) gave the dapper dog a piece of their mind. For that Jack Serge worked tirelessly to answer all questions. So great was the shit-storm that a response on Alt Lit Gossip was posted soon after body-slamming the Jack Serge brand into a brick wall. Among the complaints was Jack Serge’s claim of positive motion, which implies negative motion exists as well. 

                Can Alt Lit get along with itself? Considering how small Alt Lit is it is incredible (and indeed lucky) that there are so many wonderful fresh faces always filtering into the world. Beach Sloth wants everyone to get along. Should that be so hard? Why must the internet complicate things? Hopefully hugs can be digitized to put an end to all this sadness.

Ullbasunen Och Daniel - +++The coming of World War II and Ford’s mental collapse+++ 7.0

                Ullbasunen Och Daniel continues down the path of the weird. Every part of it indicates a different form of strange. Beats continue to make up a large part of the sound. Here broken down melodies throw themselves into the mix. What results is a swirl of sounds. At times it feels like multiple songs are playing simultaneously with each of them trying to get the upper hand. Yes this sound can be highly confusing. Upon multiple listens (which is easy as the entire EP is under ten minutes) the little details, the messed-up fragments, show off their charms. 

                ‘Car Interior Becomes an Oven’ begins the EP in a straightforward manner. Without anything holding it back it manages to create an inviting groove. Over this are multiple layers of organs working almost in opposition to one another. Messy as it is, it remains one of the more accessible songs on the entire album. At least the beat manages to stay somewhat focused. For the next car themed song ‘You Can’t Fool Good Pedestrians’ the song stomps along. Various distorted noises break their way into the main song. This creates an unsettling effect. At almost three minutes in length it remains the longest song yet the construction of the loops makes it feel far longer. On ‘Hot Cars and Cool Rides’ it sounds constructed by hand on an unknown table. Even the beat feels haphazard. 

                ‘The Five-Dollar Workday’ ends it on a cryptic note in a near-busted locked groove. By ending it this way Ullbasunen Och Daniel show they are serious about weirdness. In case there was ever any doubt.

altlitgossip:

I really want you to read this excerpt from a forthcoming novel by BEACH SLOTH

                BTU’s ‘Without Armour’ pierces right into the heart of the party. This is a party EP. Horns blast drunken trying to keep time with expansive blobs of sound. By keeping the whole thing loopy BTU makes this infinitely enjoyable. Whatever strange tempo BTU employs they manage to have the horns distorted wails down to a science. How the horns fit into the whole thing injects a great deal of fun, in case the kaleidoscopic samples weren’t enough for the effect. Running the samples backwards and forwards (oftentimes simultaneously) maintains this joyous celebration. 

                ‘Government’ begins with a false sense of dread for the first few seconds. Out of the industrial noises comes a flexible groove. The loops are brought almost to their breaking point. Elasticity makes this a delightful silly romp of a song. For some reason BTU feels the need to make a Tom Waits reference with ‘Swordbeerfish’. For this song BTU slows things down a bit letting things mellow out. Essentially it is a relaxed remix of the previous song. Tempos get further distorted with the completely intoxicated stumble of ‘Breath Awesome’ which sounds akin to a smooth jazz station gone horribly wrong. It all ends with the epic ‘Blueen’ which appears to stretch out endlessly. From the dance-friendly to the weird backwards flips, it remains the only song without a song sense of psyched-out saxophone. 

                No matter how out there BTU’s ‘Without Armour’ gets it manages to capture a true sense of joy. Everything on here is completely unpredictable. It is a wonderful oddly moving little collection.

                Ah yes this is the end the best internet friend the end. 

                Jesse Eells-Adams pictures his life as a burden and not as a gift. That’s not the way the big man sees it. To the big man, Jesse is the model consumer ready to buy whatever, down and dirty with the dollars. Long distance relationships typically have money concerns like ‘I need some danged money’. Sadly transportation is far too expensive. Animals rarely worry about transportation as they tend to be rather fast despite their four legged nature. Masturbation addictions are tough to beat especially after everything gets sore. Parties generally lack masturbation though hookups exist. Jamey’s gift appears to be rather intense and involves a special masturbation act. A better gift would be a toaster, a brave toaster willing to give up its life for its owner. Joel Osteen and ‘Freaks and Geeks’ go together surprisingly nicely. Joel Osteen is a huge fan of the outcasts of the world, like Jesus who has since become far more popular after his death just like every good artist. 

                John Facey wonders what he has done with his life. Millions of people do. That’s the only way they know they are alive. Gas-forming foods have nothing to do with success though raw fruits definitely make the world a better place. Creed the chart-topping Christian band of the 90s, 00s and today makes the world the best place for the Lord and Savior, Satan.  

 

                Justin Maddey compares life to a bowl of cherries because life can be sweet and the pits at the same time. 

                Justin Pedic claims anime is more important than school. Nobody should believe that. Life is more than fooling around or Fooly Cooly as some anime would let the reader believe. Life doesn’t involve stuff simply growing out of prepubescent teens’ heads. Only a lucky few get that experience. Chasing the bus is an important growing experience. To chase anything is to have dreams. 

                Kevin Douglas questions whether or not he is a man whore. If a man needs to ask this question then perhaps he’s living the man whore lifestyle. Not everybody is so lucky. Ugly people, shy people avoid this lifestyle choice of physical connection. Some of those man whores grow up to become real dogs. The most unlucky find themselves at Burning Man wondering when their hedonism becomes a parody. Mud sex orgies are only interesting for so long. 

                Kyle Peets asks the reader to come on home. Out of somewhere comes the proclamation that the world is for everyone. Property seems to throw that idea asunder. Beds create new territories in the mind. There is no wild west. Such things are for movies. The imagination is the frontier of the world. 

                Kyleigh James insults hippies’ most sacred territory besides Northern California. This is terrible. Poor rich hippies want to live the remainder of their cultural influence in obscurity. Nobody should ever be fine with their ridicule of their genitalia no matter how crusty or gross.

                Libby Rindal displays the love of reptiles. Although reptiles are cold-blooded reptiles have warm hearts. It is beautiful how they hug. 

                Matthew Polishak wishes for the impossible thing. Nobody knows where their life is going. That’s part of the joy of life: knowing nothing. 

                Miles Uroshevich demands a serious conversation about alligator porn. The alligator porn starts in alligator lounges in Brooklyn where the romance happens. Love without Satan is no kind of love. Alligators need Satan so they can copulate over the carcasses of dead creatures they killed with their sharp teeth. Subway is full of dead creatures via extreme depression. Anybody in a Subway wonders why they are there. The reason is never good enough. 

                Natalie McDirt insults someone via brand-new mobile phone technology. It is the harshest of vibes.

                Natalie Reiser expresses sadness at Jesus Dinosaur. Few know this but Jesus was a dinosaur heralding back to the land before time. BC was invented later as an afterthought as a way to thank him for his great work. 

                Nic McNamara shows off two oversized stuffed animals in a true expression of love. 

                Pittsburgh Happyhour recalls a classic Bible episode, the fun one with the foresight about foreskin. 

                Raunaq Das advises the reader to embrace the light. Clearly that’s happening. That’s why electronic screens glow so bright. 

                Riley McAdoo expresses joy at finding another rare Nirvana fan. Fibers of the Nirvana community are rather strong due to Nirvana’s extremely underground nature. 

                Shawn Maddey explores the beauty of the world’s smallest microscopic bears. They devour dust bunnies for breakfast lunch and dinner. What better breakfast than that of ultimate regret? Plenty live off of the many infused nutrients of the disappointment lifestyle. Of course from disappointment comes sexual preferences and eventual pornography. Pornography can be one of the saddest forms of media or the happiest. 

                Shiloh O’Connor shows the many faces of media. It is worrisome how much can be shoved into entertainment. What is entertainment anymore? 

                Stephanie Rogers thinks of a peanut butter fish. The technology isn’t there yet. It needs a few years first. Scientists are working around the clock though. 

                Wayne Gumble captures the worry of Craigslist. Poor Craigslist suckers are the loneliest individuals on the planet. From here Wayne captures various scenes of life with the power of art. 

                Winston McDirt finishes it with the wish of a child. Children long to age. The old long to slow down time. Yet the more time passes the less meaning it has. Years begin to blur into each other. Eventually it all becomes the same thing. The trial version of life is childhood. After that things get far more difficult. 

                The world exhales with this collection. For a moment the entire thing leaves one breathless. It is too big of a thing for anyone to believe. Yet here it is in all of its massive glory burning ever so bright via the power of computer light.

                AUMM 2 takes things to illogical extremes. The imagery is not suitable for young viewers. Due to explicit content young ones should avoid the intense body of work. Unfortunately though on the internet there are no rules. Good thing AUMM takes full advantage of this freedom, give this freedom drinks, and hangs out with freedom until the wee hours of the morning. What AUMM creates with this second offering is as refreshing as ice cream on a hot summer day. 

                Aaron Lowe goes out to the club riding a pink horse. This is the brony life. Few have that innate ability to party hard. From this lifestyle comes a carbohydrate desire, the need to become one of the bread of the heavens raining down. Unfortunately some are unable to appreciate the bread as they are on a terrible dictatorship of a diet.

                Arlo Brooks brings spiders together for a common purpose: to create a community. Spiders are often solitary creatures. When spiders come together numbering in the millions they fulfill the nightmares of so many people and the dreams of a few fetishists. Duct-taped walls are worrisome things. Drywall is supposed to keep it together. Adhesive form poor building materials. Of course the need comes from fire playing of the Prodigies of fire-starters. Introspection would happen with the fire-starters if they weren’t burning down the house for the amusement of the Talking Heads.

                Blare Coughlin states the most untruthful statement about herself ever. People dig the Blare Coughlin style and her never-ending online presence. 

                Brenton Clarke quotes the infinitely quotable Gandhi. Few know it but Gandhi penned some serious intense lyrics that remain in use today. 

                Connor Morrison warns against becoming a statistic. No matter what a person does they are going to be a statistic. The data-miners require people to do something, anything in order to be properly counted. Sleeping, eating, drinking, buying candy, the statisticians are there ready to count it all. 

                Cory Rohr describes Lenin the way he wants to be remembered: as a mushroom. At least that was the only way a person could ever see the Soviet Union (through mushroom knowledge). Communists loved mushrooms. John Cage knew the secret heart of communists were mushrooms. It was one of his areas of expertise. With hamburgers mushrooms found a formidable challenge: how to get inside the most common food experience. Vegetarians, vegans, and anti-fast food enthusiasts created the mushroom burger in response. That’s why people die happy after the poisonous mushroom burgers on the Tuesdays of this world. 

                Dos Mef impersonates the central anxiety system. 

                Dylan Gutridge compares the current governor of New Jersey to famed Hollywood actor John Goodman. It is an apt metaphor for the interchangeability of celebrity. Chris Christie is out of control. Whoever doubts Chris Christie’s existence is not alone. The large and in charge Chris Christies of this world are too surreal to be believed. 

                Dylan Lavine talks of sexual horses, hung like horses. This is common. Reproduction calls for all forms. Sometimes it is more or less socially acceptable. Juggalos though are the least socially acceptable members of society. Poor Juggalos can’t get a break. All Juggalos want is to settle down, wear face paint, raise a family and feed their kids Faygo. In a way it is the American dream with clown makeup. Nothing is wrong with it. 

                Elijah Wandered discovers the true meaning of “The Shining”. Families need love. What families don’t need are ax-wielding lunatics to murder them. Axe-wielding douchebags are even worse. Pop culture supports the family functions. John Lennon imagined a world where everybody would live as one. Sadly that world is far away because to live in harmony would infringe on that song’s copyright protection. 

                Emery Way dreams of a world with a mighty macro of a penis. Of course this is a little too suggestive for display hence the big blankness. 

                Jameson Chace speaks of cat farts. Poor cats got to fart. It is part of their way of defeating their otherwise squeaky clean image they have of adorable cold creatures. What creature should get a better image is the shark which is a gentle spirit that occasionally eats people. Honestly Hippos are far more sinister yet they get away with it. 

                Jamey Strathman embraces the YOLO lifestyle. That means acceptance of one’s eventual death. While people will all someday die they live on forever in hearts, stories, and internet caches. One way streets love one direction a little too much. Sometimes it is good to have a little variation, to throw in danger for a change. Shame has ways to have people improve themselves. Physical pain, embarrassment, this is all part of the improvement toolbox to prevent future tools. A boy and his dog understand this concern quite well. Dark thoughts begin in childhood. Adulthood is dedicated to the innocent vengeance of a child. People have families for this very reason. Sly children are born to be sexy. Everybody loves love on the sly with fly people. Yep that’s the only way insects and people will ever come together. 

                One post is never enough. That’s why there is a part two ready to guide this collection through.

Adderall Canyonly - Excelsius Minor 8.1

                Adderall Canyonly induces panic. Throughout ‘Excelsius Minor’ there is the convergence of loud synthesizer squeals with depressive aspects of post-rock. For these post-rock aspects Adderall Canyonly references the stationary hopelessness of ‘A Silver Mt. Zion’ than any other band. Elements of that group come into play over the duration of the album. In fact even elements of almost-noise come from the synthesizer further adding to this level of woe and dread. By letting the album follow this arc from panic into a far more comfortable mood at the end Adderall Canyonly creates a strange wordless narrative for the sounds. 

                ‘I’ll Be Your Hands’ has a cryptic noir vibe to it with a slow moving bass. Little fragments of dread make their way through the groove by the end. For one of the album’s highlights ‘Excelsius Minor’ things take a dramatically different approach. In the first half the electronics appears confused by what is going on only to be shifted into shape around the halfway point. By the end the terrifying oscillation takes over everything with absolute anxiety. Guitars appear again on ‘Song For A Broken Rhodes’ which has a jazz-like vibe. It remains one of the quieter pieces on here. ‘Hagatha’ the other album highlight starts off with a barely audible beginning before evolving into one of the saddest pieces halfway through the track. 

                Thankfully ‘Atlas Cloud’ ends everything on a happy note. Exploring the sadder weirder elements in the beginning it moves onward. Sadder elements are defeated leading to a sense of comfort by the very end. ‘Excelsius Minor’ is a moving, oftentimes jarring, and always interesting album.

I FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN I MEET by DILLION J. WELCH

                Bumper cars is a contact sport. Going all out against the other drivers is an important part of the ritual. To defeat the other bumper cars is to become a mature adult. Without this ritual there would be no way of reaching maturity. Laughing at the bumper cars loser is critical. Failure to make others feel like failures misses the point of bumper cars. Upon victory there must be an exchange of happiness. This involves eating ice cream. Sweet victories are sweeter with ice cream. Good weather makes it better.

                Tuesdays have nice weather. Weather is the defining moment of a Tuesday. Not quite Monday, not the middle of the week, Tuesdays have nothing going for them. Flirtations happen on Tuesday. Nothing else is going on so why not start a relationship on the week’s most boring day. Relationships are solidified on other days, the Fridays and Saturdays of the week (better known as the most optimistic days). Yet with Tuesday there is a certain comfort that everything will be taken care of later in the week, with the foundation of a measly weekday.

                Butter makes it better. The greasy ingredient makes things delicious. Indeed butter serves as the foundation for countless food products. Food will never admit it. Rather the food will admit to enjoying its tanning ritual, better known as toasting. People love eating that yummy tanned food. Like humans though, food too enjoys getting a healthy tan to impress its sickly pale friends. Sun is number one fun for any pasty piece of bread, or bagel, or whatever food item it chooses to be. 

                What the food fails to realize is the consequences of eating. Food can’t eat itself. Teeth know of food’s many difficulties. Dentists exist to take care of this problem. Little fillings find themselves in the mouths of forgetful idiots. Failures to brush are given little medals for their heroic work. Cavities love the attention. By receiving these metals, which range from bronze, silver, and gold, the cavities know they have accomplished something beautiful. The dentist acknowledges the cavity’s work in creating their livelihood. 

                Feigning interest works some of the time with this attraction. Teeth are the gateways to the mouth. Inside the head though there is a lot more to chew over. Minds are full of these tough, chewy ideas. Looking inside one’s mind is hugely important. Plenty of ideas reside deep inside the mind, many never seeing the light of day. Of course the structure of the mind creates this dark, dank dungeon of doom and gloom. Yet for those few lucky ideas they get to wreak havoc on the world. 

                Meetings are highly important for these ideas. Sometimes these are ideas of love. With the help of another the ideas can become alive. Even movies, those isolated incidents of ideas, need an audience. Though the audience size may differ the result is the same. The experience of a movie with others gives an important thing to talk about, a shared artificial experience. Experiences ought to be shared.